mac25 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 my BF of 2 years (29) and me (27) were in a very healthy and fun relationship. We did not live together but made time for each other frequently. We had a great connection with a lot of chemistry and much much love, openness and caring for one another. Over the past month I started a new job after a long period of unemployment. A new job in a very young dynamic company- I was busy but still made time for us. I was on top of the world. On the flip side he had been feeling down about his career and un-motivated and was slacking off a lot. I didn't think much of it because he's a little bit melancholic in general and had been through phases of low ambition before- I was always supportive - he always came out of the rut. One day He shows up at my apartment pulling out every classic break-up line in the book. I was shocked, confused and angry. We rarely had conflict in our relationship, and we growing closer and closer as time went by and he just pulled the rug out from under me. Without any effort to make things work. He made it worse by not giving me any rational justification. He cried a lot - I cried even harder. It was an awful hour long conversation and he just left and has not contacted me since (2 weeks ago). I feel confused, emotional used and in general agony. I cannot put 2 and 2 together. Just weeks before our breakup he was calling to make plans, telling me how beautiful I am and how good it is to be with me and doing other very sweet boyfriend like things. I miss him something terrible and cannot keep wondering where things went wrong?? What causes a man to just get up and leave a perfectly healthy supportive fun relationship. It seemed like such a rash emotional and impulsive decision. I cannot comprehend because I am a very rational person and I would never take such a big leap on impulse. any kind words are appreciated. ...
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 The kindest words I can offer to you: I am so sorry for your loss. And yes, it is a great loss. An unexpected loss is so hard to comprehend. It's a death of sorts. Death of a future, a dream, a togetherness. I know the not knowing why is driving you mad. Be still. Your heart and mind are in hyper-overdrive now. Your body, mind and soul is responding to a crisis, so please be still and know it will calm soon. You may never know why, you may not get that understanding until much later on, years perhaps. Just be still, breathe and know you are not alone. The LS community will hold your hand through this. We here have all experienced the same, or very similar loss. And we go through it together...one day at a time. 1
bflowers85 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I'm going through the same thing after 2 years of a happy relationship snd sizing my engagement ring. it's super hurtful when it makes no sense. I feel your pain and no one can say anything to make your heart heal quickly. If you are spiritual at all I'd say to pray about it and believe that things are all going to work together for your good. I hope he snaps out of this and realizes that you are valuable. sometimes people do realize what they have when it's gone. So trust me when I tell you that his world will come crashing down and soon. You can hurt people and expect to not get hurt in return. Right now take time to decide what you will fo or feel when he comes crawling back. I love my ex too and if he came back he'd have to prove himself and put in ALL the work. I'm sending you a hug because I feel just as lost and hurt as you are. 1
irresolute Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I'm sorry. He's not running away. He clearly went and talked to you. I think you might have missed a lot of red flags before he broke up.. You were in denial. I'm sorry. I don't think there's nothing you can do at this point. No contact and try to move on 2
Griesfootball Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I've read this a lot and you might not believe me but the breakup had already happened in his mind and he was just telling you at this time. Some people think about breaking up and they wait to see how they feel. It's the right way even though you may feel more hurt. Just be strong and something good should happen 2
jbelle6 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I've read this a lot and you might not believe me but the breakup had already happened in his mind and he was just telling you at this time. Some people think about breaking up and they wait to see how they feel. It's the right way even though you may feel more hurt. Just be strong and something good should happen Absolutely right. Sometimes they meet someone else that makes them question their current relationship as well. Either way, the dumper has thought about it for a while, even though you weren't. After you distance yourself from the initial shock you might think back and see some red flags you missed, I know I did. 2
ktya Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 My ex fiancee did that to me. All was well then she packed up her crap left a note on the dishwasher and was gone before i woke up. The note was cryptic and didnt say much other than "i cant hurt you anymore". Turned out she was having a second affair. I was devastated so i can feel your pain, like the sands of your dreams all slipping through your fingers. Take care of yourself and start a journal. You will eventually burn out your helpful friends with your story and feelings. A journal helps to get it out. I still write in the journal i created after that tragedy, and i started in 2008. I write about different women now of course. 3
jbelle6 Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 My ex fiancee did that to me. All was well then she packed up her crap left a note on the dishwasher and was gone before i woke up. The note was cryptic and didnt say much other than "i cant hurt you anymore". Turned out she was having a second affair. I was devastated so i can feel your pain, like the sands of your dreams all slipping through your fingers. Take care of yourself and start a journal. You will eventually burn out your helpful friends with your story and feelings. A journal helps to get it out. I still write in the journal i created after that tragedy, and i started in 2008. I write about different women now of course. See!!! And they never have the guts to say there's someone else, at least not from what we all talk about on here they don't. 1
Author mac25 Posted June 23, 2014 Author Posted June 23, 2014 (edited) he specifically mentioned there was no one else in the picture...he was always a honest person - so let's just say I believe him. He just did not want to be in a committed relationship any more. So I will trust his word at least for my own sanity. Edited June 23, 2014 by mac25
biddybud Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Sounds slightly similar to my situation, that happened in may, I have still had no answers and coming up to 3 weeks nc I think. All you can do is just allow yourself to feel every emotion. Don't bottle up at all, it really doesn't help. Also if he was involved with someone else, or not, you will not know.... Speculation can just drag you down even further into a dark hole. One of my dear friends just sat me down fate I was sobbing and just gave it straight, telling me that I need to except that he has made his choice and for his own reasons it's over. It doesn't make it fair or easy but that's the truth of the matter. This obviously doesn't stop me from fantasising about him begging and pleading for me back.... But that's just a dumpee's prerogative This will take time.... Start putting you first
Elle1975 Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 he specifically mentioned there was no one else in the picture...he was always a honest person - so let's just say I believe him. He just did not want to be in a committed relationship any more. So I will trust his word at least for my own sanity. Not to say you're wrong, but even honest people lie. In their mind they justify the lie with "it will hurt her more, why tell her?". "Not wanting to be in a relationship anymore" translates into "not wanting to be in a relationship with you" with someone else, sure. Maybe not right this moment, but if it hasn't happened, it will. You know that though. I don't know why he up and left that way. Might be that you missed the red flags indeed. You said he seemed unmotivated. Could it have been about you, and not the job? Could be another girl. Who knows? What I know is that you need to cut contact with the guy, or you will make it a hell of a lot harder on you.
irresolute Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 he specifically mentioned there was no one else in the picture...he was always a honest person - so let's just say I believe him. He just did not want to be in a committed relationship any more. So I will trust his word at least for my own sanity. For your own sanity you need to see the truth, not to close your eyes and blindly suppose nothing has happened. You've already denied he was not into you for some time ( dumpers tend to withdraw long before they tell their decision. It's not from one day to another) Do yourself a favor and seek the truth. He probably met someone else, or he's probably in love with someone else. I'm sorry this has happened to you.
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