karlym3 Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Hey--needing advice. I am dating this guy who is taking me for granted. I was the one who "picked him up" at work, called him first-go to his house on our dates etc. He definately knows that I am interested and so he is acting lazy like he can give or take me. I emailed him after he went a wk of not calling me and said that if he wants to call it quits that we can as we havent talked or hung out in almost 1 1/2 wks. He called me right away and asked what I was doing that night. To me this was all an exciting game of can I get the guy. I forgot that maybe he needs a challenge as well to realize what its like to not have me in his life. It has been a couple weeks now and I feel that unless I do something fast he will get bored. He is the type who loves challenges as do I. I have been so focused on getting him that I have made the game way to easy for him and he thinks he has me. What can I do to shake things up a little and scare him. I feel like I practically handed myself to him. I also made the mistake- I talked to him yesterday - and his sister and husband is coming in town for 10 days. I was like ohh WE should all go out to the bar or something one night together, since I wont get to see you for 10 days. He said "well see". I am thinking I should not have said it after getting that response. Any way to fix the situation now?? ( we have been dating 6 wks--but that means hangout and talk on the phone only 1 time a wk-so not serious dating by any means) PLs help me so I dont say or ask any more dumb questions/requests..!!!!!!!!!!
_Saffy_ Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 back off. you have made yaself into a little lap dog for this guy. its all too easy for him. he doesnt have to make any effort because you do it all for him. NO guy likes that. dont call, dont email, dont text, dont do anything, if he wants you he will show you, if he doesnt, which i suspect he wont, then let him go.
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Saffy is so right Any relationship needs to be a 2-way street, and this one just isn't. You should be roughly at the same degree of effort/commitment as each other.
_Saffy_ Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Saffy is so right hey romeo, good morning to you and thank you. you are right, they should be at the same level of commitment, and hoping to meet his family after 6 weeks, isnt a good idea.
Author karlym3 Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 So what do I do now. I realized that I have done this. I dont usually call him- hell call me prob in a week, How do I respond to the phone call as well as EVERYTHING to make him see that things have changed. I need to do something drastic--any suggestions on how to get myself back on track here.
_Saffy_ Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 take the phone call but keep it brief, be happy and flirty, not clingy.......DO NOT suggest that you meet his family!! end it on a good note, if you make him laugh thats good.......then tell him....."hey its been great chatting, but i gotta go (insert something here), hope to speak to you real soon.
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 If you still want him in a week's time when he rings, be bright, breezy, light and friendly on the phone. Let him make the arrangements. Over a week or so, be responsive and appreciative to what he offers, but initiate NOTHING. Then after that, match him. If he arranges a date (and shows and is nice etc) then feel free to invite him on one a couple of days later. If he rings you, then ring him in the next day or two. Easy, eh? Please bear in mind that this guy may have commitmentphobia issues. Hi Saffy, good morning to you too
_Saffy_ Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 hey romeo, we almost gave the same reply there.......great minds eh?
Author karlym3 Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 SO I lied to him--I just emailed him that I am going back home for a week or so in one sentence . Said Ill talk to you when I get back and then signed my name. I didnt tell him why. This way He wont need to think/stress about me meeting his family cause I will be supposedly gone from town. Also I will not call him and see if he calls me. .. was this an ok thing to do? I wont answer his calls if he calls me until next week. What do u guys think about this?
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 I think that was pretty sillly actually... weakens the force of the "No Contact" thing if he thinks it's because you're away, rather than a conscious choice. And if he finds out you were lying (more possible than you think) it weakens your credibility. Sorry to be so blunt - you asked for my opinion. All is not lost though. We do do silly things when in love. And often it still works out
Author karlym3 Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 I know but.. he prob wont call for a week and I wanted to erase the fact that I asked to meet his family. This way he wont need to think about it, b/c Im gone. I feel like I put a lot of pressure on him. I am a mess here arent I?? Maybe hell miss me if he thinks im gone and doesnt know when Im coming back. ill be a different person next time we talk. I wont any longer ask him to hang out, etc. DO you think any good can come out of this?
_Saffy_ Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 What you seem to be doing is looking for a response from him, and you are just coming off as being desperate. you will lose him if you dont back off. yes, i am being blunt, you should have let him see that you are independant and mature enough to let him do his thing, without being in his face about it. back off, and stop pushing.
Author karlym3 Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 OK- I get it. I will back off. That is why I am writing to you guys to ask you how. I mean is acting breezy on the phone the only solution?? Now asking to hang out or meet his family?? I will follow what you guys say as what Im doing now is wrong. Im actually suprised I havent scared him off yet... If it were reversed I would prob have been off and running...
_Saffy_ Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 what you dont want is to push things with him, and besides......dont you want this guy to show you that he WANTS to be with you, that he WANTS to talk to you?? let him show you, and if he doesnt......because he may just let this slip........then move on and next time, be aloof.....guys like aloof
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ What you seem to be doing is looking for a response from him, and you are just coming off as being desperate. you will lose him if you dont back off. yes, i am being blunt, you should have let him see that you are independant and mature enough to let him do his thing, without being in his face about it. back off, and stop pushing. Saffy is so right - you are just coming over as being desperate. And let's face it, you *are* desperate right now. We've all been there, but it's really important in these situations to get a grip on yourself and not *look* desperate. Trust me - I wish I had been less clingy at the critical point with ReluctantJuliette. It would have given me a better chance of success for sure. But whatever the outcome, I would have had more dignity when the dust settled. Back off. DO NOT contact him.
_Saffy_ Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 romantic juliette is a fool !! saffron montague sounds cool dont ya think
Hund1976 Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Don't do anything as of right now. If he calls you I would answer the phone, or call back in a reasonable amount of time. (if I tried calling a girl and she didn't answer for a week I would probably give up on her) If he asks what you're up to I would tell him you decided not to go home. Otherwise that lie might come back to bite you in the ass (Like things are going good a few months from now and you bring up something you did this week without thinking about it and he says I thought you went home that week? Then you either have to admit to your lie or make up another one which will just lead you further down a bad road) Anyway, you just need to give him the idea that you're a busy girl with a lot of stuff going on in your life and if he doesn't make an effort to win you over then another guy will. Like if he waits until Friday afternoon and then asks you out for Friday night tell him you're going out with friends. Don't give him any details or anything like that. But also tell him you want to go out with him another night. That way he won't give up on you thinking you're trying to blow him off but he also won't think you sit around at home waiting for him.
karly Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Hund- Thank you for the great advice. Im going to let things cool and wait and see if he calls next week. I am going to start acting busy and have a life besides him. AND stop acting desperate.
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 Hund is spot on in his advice - go for it! Originally posted by _Saffy_ romantic juliette is a fool !! Ty I heard on the grapevine that she is having terrible difficulty finding a worthy replacement - she has met a lot of guys since and none of them have been deemed suitable. Schadenfreude is not the most dignified of emotions, but it sure is fun! saffron montague sounds cool dont ya think
_Saffy_ Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 I heard on the grapevine that she is having terrible difficulty finding a worthy replacement hmmm figures
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