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Should you date/be in a relationship with a guy when you have no feelings for him?

Lipitor11

By Lipitor11
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Lipitor11 Established Member

Lipitor11

Posted
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I met this guy on okcupid a few weeks ago, I've ignored him a few times, but he would message me anyway. So, I decided what the heck, I'm just going to meet up with him, he was nice, but I'm not physically attracted to him, I don't know, I'm just not feeling him at the moment. So, should I continue seeing him, he told me that he liked me, and he's been persistent...maybe I'll like him overtime? I should be excited that there's a guy that's into me, but I just feel indifferent about him. I'm in my 30's, so I'm not sure if I'll even meet a guy that's interested in me, should I just settle for something that I'm not really into?

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SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

Posted
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Well......

 

...if you're positive you'll never touch him with a 10 ft pole, then no date.

 

...if you're iffy or unimpressed, 1 date to test this further is fine.

 

But to be in a r/s? That's an obvious No.

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mikethemechanic Established Member

mikethemechanic

Posted
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HE'S POOR IS WHAT YOUR SAYING? WHY WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE THAT YOUR NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TOO, WHY NOT SAY LETS JUST BE FRIENDS!:rolleyes:

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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Is this a trick question?

 

The answer is no.

 

What's the point? You'll just be dissatisfied and miserable.

 

I wasn't sure I was feeling my bf when we first started talking, but fortunately I went out with him and that made a world of difference and I liked him instantly. However, if after the first date I felt indifferent I wouldn't have continued.

 

You're in your 30s not dead....it's silly to think that there is a cap on when you can find someone you like and who likes you back.

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ponchsox Established Member

ponchsox

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Those who settle are never happy. Please do them the favor and tell them you don't feel any chemistry before you end up hurting them.

O'Malley Established Member

O'Malley

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If you're certain that you couldn't develop a connection, then politely turn him down. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with a casual meet up, coffee or drinks. You may end up enjoying yourself, even if your lack of chemistry is confirmed.

 

If you still feel indifferent about him after that, wish him well and move on. It's nice to have someone find you interesting and desirable, but that's what he's searching for as well.

Zeroes Member

Zeroes

Posted
Posted
I met this guy on okcupid a few weeks ago, I've ignored him a few times, but he would message me anyway. So, I decided what the heck, I'm just going to meet up with him, he was nice, but I'm not physically attracted to him, I don't know, I'm just not feeling him at the moment. So, should I continue seeing him, he told me that he liked me, and he's been persistent...maybe I'll like him overtime? I should be excited that there's a guy that's into me, but I just feel indifferent about him. I'm in my 30's, so I'm not sure if I'll even meet a guy that's interested in me, should I just settle for something that I'm not really into?

 

If you're not attracted to him and don't feel any chemistry, what's the point?

If you settle you will be miserable.

 

As for being in your 30's...... obviously you're well over it. :rolleyes:

Seriously, that's a sad attitude to have, you're still young, not exactly ancient is it.

  • Like 1
ktya Established Member

ktya

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Are you my date that cancelled on me yesterday? :-P

 

Na but seriously, i met a girl on okcupid a few months ago, had sex with her a few times. I like her but dont see her as girlfriend material, but i like hanging out with her and talking to her and having sex with her. Shes a bit awkward but quite sweet and intelligent. I told her its just casual for now

 

Never hurts, sometimes people grow on you and if you arent seeing anyone else why not. Just be honest about your intentions and if you really dont feel physical chemistry at all split the bill on dates.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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If you can switch off the part of you who actually cares about love and the attraction aspect yes.......why you would want to is another matter.....

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leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

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I would say do not date this person. It is a great feeling when someone is interested in you, however, it does not mean he is entitled for you to return the feeling. You'll end up resenting him and in a few weeks/months he'll be hurt if he falls for you.

 

You're still young! Never settle no matter what age you are.

crederer Established Member

crederer

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exactly how unattractive are we talking here? Is it just that you don't wanna jump him when you see him or are you disgusted with his appearance?

 

I've had very attractive and some less attractive partners. As time goes on you stop noticing the attractiveness or lack of in a partner. You just kind of get used to it either way.

Assasda Established Member

Assasda

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Do you like his personality? or are you just impressed because he's so attracted to you?

You cant be concerned solely on looks, or is that the type of person you are?

acrosstheuniverse Established Member

acrosstheuniverse

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In these scenarios I've always given it a chance for that spark and attraction to develop, dated the person, but I've never gone from an active thought of 'not my type' to really being into somebody... the times it's gone from no attraction to an attraction (for example when I've ended up dating a friend I never fancied before and end up crazy about them) are times I've just not really thought about it and then boom, they make a move and I realise I'm into it.

 

A couple of times recently I've had these scenarios present themself, once with a long time friend who I always thought objetively was really good looking, shares the same core beliefs (unusual) as me, has a good job, is generous, and faithful in relationships etc. he ended up really liking me and I tried dating, even kissed etc. but I could never feel it. He was crazy about me and I used to try imagine how a relationship would be and on paper it would have been perfect. But in my gut I just didn't feel that attraction, that pull, that desire to talk to him for hours and be up against him. So I put a firm end to it.

 

You just 'know' don't you... you know if someone is great on paper and into you and attractive and all of that, but that you just don't feel the zing. And you know when you feel the zing as you can think of nothing else, no matter how unsuitable the person may be or how they feel about you! You just gotta hold out for the zing that goes both ways and don't settle for something that doesn't enthuse you.

Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

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No.....................

CM2009 Established Member

CM2009

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be careful though, you don't want to lead him on

Thegreatestthing Established Member

Thegreatestthing

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I m having the same problem the guy is the perfect boyfriend and wants me to be his gf right now like asked me tonight,he is so very good looking and has a great career all the things other girls want,I'm pretty sure I'll never get anyone As good on paper but i can't fall in love with him at all.

 

settle for nothing,you cheat yourself if you do,it's just not worth that mediocre feeling ,that okay feeling.it just seems like the ones you are crazy about don't want a relationship or don't work out.its unfair.

 

I'd rather wait for someone who I feel really consumed by love,there is one guy I feel that way about but of course he has a gf.

 

Sometimes I'm with this guy and I do get so excited but when I just talk to him during the day I feel blah.what do we do.

guest569 Established Member

guest569

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If you were going to suddenly become attracted to him, i think you would by now. I would not continue dating him as that is leading him on.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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That's what most relationships are like.

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Lipitor11 Established Member

Lipitor11

Posted
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He's physically not my type, he claims that he's a "funny" guy and makes these jokes that aren't funny at all! And I got annoyed last time when he called me and asked me where the entrance to the casino was and where to park in the garage. I'm like seriously???? He's a man, its not that hard to figure out, geez... for a so-called computer tech guy, he doesn't know how to use GPS???? Ugh! This whole thing seems shady to me. I ignored him LOTS of times on okcupid, I sometimes don't respond to his texts, but he keeps getting in contact with me. Like what's the catch? Is he a murderer? Most guys would just move on, but no he doesn't move on.

central Established Member

central

Posted
Posted

It would be unfair to him to continue seeing him and allow him to think there may be potential with you, which he already wants. To continue seeing him knowing you'll end it later would cause him greater emotional distress than ending it now, and to allow that to happen deliberately would be unethical.

 

The only alternative is to tell him there is no potential, and the explicit limits you are placing on the relationship. Then it's his choice to take the risk knowing that you are treating him as a friend at best.

ktya Established Member

ktya

Posted
Posted
He's physically not my type, he claims that he's a "funny" guy and makes these jokes that aren't funny at all! And I got annoyed last time when he called me and asked me where the entrance to the casino was and where to park in the garage. I'm like seriously???? He's a man, its not that hard to figure out, geez... for a so-called computer tech guy, he doesn't know how to use GPS???? Ugh! This whole thing seems shady to me. I ignored him LOTS of times on okcupid, I sometimes don't respond to his texts, but he keeps getting in contact with me. Like what's the catch? Is he a murderer? Most guys would just move on, but no he doesn't move on.

 

 

Sigh

 

You women are such contradictory creatures. No wonder we have a hard time figuring you out.

 

You say your not attracted to him. You hate his jokes. You get annoyed when he calls you with a simple question you probably know the answer to and expect he should fiddle with his gps when you could probably answer the question in a minute by voice.

 

You ignored him lots of times on ok cupid and sometimes ignore his texts. But he still eventually gets through and hes supposed to get your (non) message.

 

I cant count how many times ive heard girls say on here they want the guy to man up, initiate, and chase. How annoying it is when guys just disappear. Hes chasing, hes initiating, hes getting ahold of you. The man is doing his job!

 

Id say either relax and hang out with him as Mr. Right Now and let him know this is where hes at or let him know hes Mr. Wrong and end it.

 

Just dont expect him to read your mind.

 

He sounds to me like a nice guy with an oddball sense of humour. Probably not a bad guy for you to casually date.

Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

Posted
Posted

I was single for 11 years. Men that I wanted never wanted me and i realised at 30 if i wanted children and a family i would have to get over some stuff. First of all, men i fell.in love with never wanted me, so the only options available were ones i wasn't initially attracted to. I'm in a relationship now and although the " chemistry" isn't there, I made a desicion to stick with it. I personally feel that being single for as long as i have damaged me more than being in a abusive relationship that I was once in. Attraction can definitely grow if you give it enough time.

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