Simon Phoenix Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 But why doesn't it matter in the grand scheme of things? Think of it this way. Do you want to have a 5 page email sent by your dumper that is one-sided and doesn't give you a chance to respond to? Or would you rather be involved in a two-way discussion with the dumper, which, believe it or not, can help you process the breakup much better than being on the receiving end of a one-sided text or email message? For me, it helps me to have that last conversation face to face, because it helps me process a relationships's end much better and gives me a chance to say what I need to say, in the moment, face to face. Real time conversation is just healthier than an electronic communication which is devoid of real compassion, kindness, or sympathy. Sure you can type words in a text or email to your dumpee that you think exude those humane qualities but you're fooling yourself. I's inhumane to dump someone using technology. It's cold. It's heartless. It's lazy. It's convenient. It's selfish. I wouldn't. I'd rather they just give me my final paycheck and let me be on my way. I probably wouldn't even make it through that five-page e-mail -- I'd get to the part where I was dumped, read a couple of reasons and then stop reading it. And I don't really need to speak my peace -- I'm not going to beg someone to take me back and I'm certainly not going to waste my time trying to argue with them or tell them they are wrong because they aren't going to listen anyway. I'd rather just go get drunk and mope or talk to friends and loved ones about it than talk to my ex about why she decided that I wasn't good enough. I don't need sympathy from the person who is dumping me -- if I'm not getting the result that I want, then I really don't want some sort of pity or half-hearted attempt to try to make me feel better about the fact that they stabbed me in the heart. No matter how much you write about this, I just don't agree that it's better. It's like discussing whether it's better to have your town ravaged by a major earthquake or a hurricane -- either way it's devastating. I'm not advocating one way of breaking up over the other. I, for one, have never broken up over e-mail or text with anyone. I just don't think it really matters. And nothing you write is going to convince me of that. And I have no interest in convincing you of anything -- it's all white noise and colored bubbles, arguing semantics. I'm a results-oriented guy -- either you win or you lose.
JDPT Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I was dumped through e-mail just a little over a year ago, there really isn't a proper way to do it. My first reaction of course was "well you really couldn't work up the decency to tell me this in person?" but hey life goes on and life does get better little by little.
BC1980 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 But why doesn't it matter in the grand scheme of things? Think of it this way. Do you want to have a 5 page email sent by your dumper that is one-sided and doesn't give you a chance to respond to? Or would you rather be involved in a two-way discussion with the dumper, which, believe it or not, can help you process the breakup much better than being on the receiving end of a one-sided text or email message? For me, it helps me to have that last conversation face to face, because it helps me process a relationships's end much better and gives me a chance to say what I need to say, in the moment, face to face. Real time conversation is just healthier than an electronic communication which is devoid of real compassion, kindness, or sympathy. Sure you can type words in a text or email to your dumpee that you think exude those humane qualities but you're fooling yourself. It's inhumane to dump someone using technology. It's cold. It's heartless. It's lazy. It's convenient. It's selfish. You know, I would have agreed with you before my last breakup, but having the final discussions only confused me and hindered me moving on. Nothing was ever resolved, and I still can't give you a reason it ended other than he just didn't see us together in the future. I would advise anyone against having a discussion with the dumper about why it ended. Unless there was something very obvious like cheating, there won't be a straight answer.
BC1980 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I was dumped through e-mail just a little over a year ago, there really isn't a proper way to do it. My first reaction of course was "well you really couldn't work up the decency to tell me this in person?" but hey life goes on and life does get better little by little. You probably got off better than me:-) We lived together, so he had to do it face to face. Then, the mortification of packing my things and all that goes into it. The going back to get stuff I left. Him seeing me cry each time. Awful.
Ordinaryday Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 whether or not it is 'proper' is completely irrelevant because they broke up, it is over, and if it helps you get over it faster then of course tell yourself it is not proper and they were a selfish cowardly jerk... if that helps you get over the quicker then do that.
jbelle6 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 The only time I ever broke up using technology was through an email and I was just terrified of this guy, wanted to end it and block him from everywhere. Otherwise I do the phone or face to face. I would not feel right after months or years of dating to just fire off a text. I would have been more hurt and felt like nothing if my recent ex just dumped me that way, we didn't face to face, we spoke on the phone and I appreciated that. It might not hurt you personally to be dumped via text but reading around here it does hurt some and I don't think anyone should tell them they are wrong for those feelings, it is tacky and classless to dump that way. If it wouldn't bother you, great! Seriously, it takes a few minutes on the phone.
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