allez102 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I used to work in the same office as a guy who I had a huge crush on. I never spoke up and only worked there for 6 months so, when I left, I was kicking myself. Fast forward 3 months after leaving, I bump into him (very briefly) on a night out. I didn't think much more of it but a few days later, a mutual friend (who still works with him) said that he told her he liked me! But that he has little dating experience and was really nervous to say anything. He seemed really keen stating that he was worried if we got together and broke up, and the effect that might have on our mutual friend who is friends with both of us. She told me he was going to ask for my number so advised I sit tight. Fast forward 3 weeks from then and he still hadn't asked for my number, so I instead pass it through my friend who gives it to him. The day later I get a long text from him, discussing loads of different things and catching up on work gossip etc. He asked me straight away if we wanted to go out one evening and I said yes. Again, he sounded really keen asking if we wanted to go tomorrow! But I already had plans so we settled on last Saturday. We were texting up until Saturday and I was so excited. Saturday evening came around. We went for food and had drinks and everything seemed to be OK. In hindsight I may have been being a bit too flirty and keen. I gave him a kiss on the cheek before parting ways as I got in a cab. I've been on a lot of dates and nearly every time i've had a text from the guy the same night. I had no text from him but thought to myself I shouldn't wait just because i'm the girl, and also as he seemed nervous about the whole thing. I text him the afternoon after stating that i'd had a good time and we should do it again. He replied but did not mention ANYTHING about the previous night and/or going out again He just made general chit-chat instead. I advised he let me know if he;s ever free to do something (we both live quite close to each other and we both live alone) and again he ignored it, making general chit-chat. I sent one more text back mentioning nothing about the date or future plans but did ask him how his day had been, and he didn't repsond. It's now like 7 days since the date. What do I do? The mutual friend doesn't seem to know anything about the date which i'm taking as a bad sign, if he had liked it then surely he would have told her he did? I feel as if the ball is in his court because I sent the last text and I was the one to text him after the date. My sister thinks I should not make contact at all until he does, one of my closest friends thinks I should text him now, and my mom thinks I should wait until next week to text. I'm super confused. What is everyone's advice and thoughts on this one? He is shy and it did take him this long to ask me out, but he was perfectly fine with making contact until after the date Should I write this one off before I get too strung up?
Yamaha Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 If a guy likes you he will get in touch! Even if he is shy, with all your encouragement, he would have over come his shyness and made his interest known. Sorry, but he doesn't seem interested. I wouldn't waste your time anymore with him. If he changes his mind he has your # 1
thekid36 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I used to work in the same office as a guy who I had a huge crush on. I never spoke up and only worked there for 6 months so, when I left, I was kicking myself. Fast forward 3 months after leaving, I bump into him (very briefly) on a night out. I didn't think much more of it but a few days later, a mutual friend (who still works with him) said that he told her he liked me! But that he has little dating experience and was really nervous to say anything. He seemed really keen stating that he was worried if we got together and broke up, and the effect that might have on our mutual friend who is friends with both of us. She told me he was going to ask for my number so advised I sit tight. Fast forward 3 weeks from then and he still hadn't asked for my number, so I instead pass it through my friend who gives it to him. The day later I get a long text from him, discussing loads of different things and catching up on work gossip etc. He asked me straight away if we wanted to go out one evening and I said yes. Again, he sounded really keen asking if we wanted to go tomorrow! But I already had plans so we settled on last Saturday. We were texting up until Saturday and I was so excited. Saturday evening came around. We went for food and had drinks and everything seemed to be OK. In hindsight I may have been being a bit too flirty and keen. I gave him a kiss on the cheek before parting ways as I got in a cab. I've been on a lot of dates and nearly every time i've had a text from the guy the same night. I had no text from him but thought to myself I shouldn't wait just because i'm the girl, and also as he seemed nervous about the whole thing. I text him the afternoon after stating that i'd had a good time and we should do it again. He replied but did not mention ANYTHING about the previous night and/or going out again He just made general chit-chat instead. I advised he let me know if he;s ever free to do something (we both live quite close to each other and we both live alone) and again he ignored it, making general chit-chat. I sent one more text back mentioning nothing about the date or future plans but did ask him how his day had been, and he didn't repsond. It's now like 7 days since the date. What do I do? The mutual friend doesn't seem to know anything about the date which i'm taking as a bad sign, if he had liked it then surely he would have told her he did? I feel as if the ball is in his court because I sent the last text and I was the one to text him after the date. My sister thinks I should not make contact at all until he does, one of my closest friends thinks I should text him now, and my mom thinks I should wait until next week to text. I'm super confused. What is everyone's advice and thoughts on this one? He is shy and it did take him this long to ask me out, but he was perfectly fine with making contact until after the date Should I write this one off before I get too strung up? I have to agree with your sibling on this one. You have already made the conscious effort to let him know that you want more of him. All he seems to be doing is avoiding that the night even happened. Not that he is being completely rude or anything. Nor is he taking any sort of initiative to show any further interest. I understand that we are all different and than some are more shy than others. Yet, you have to sort of still make some sort of effort if the person on the other end is worth it. I know of a lot of guys who have trouble initiating contact with women. But, you already know one another. You have let it be known you enjoy his company. Thus, not much if any reason for him to be shy. He may just not be that into you. Better know now than later on. The other option is that he does like you and is still to shy to let you know. I would not contact him unless he does so again first. Wait it out and see what happens. Look at it like this. Even if he does like you. Do you really want to be with someone who has such a hard time expressing his feelings?
Author allez102 Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 I have to agree with your sibling on this one. You have already made the conscious effort to let him know that you want more of him. All he seems to be doing is avoiding that the night even happened. Not that he is being completely rude or anything. Nor is he taking any sort of initiative to show any further interest. I understand that we are all different and than some are more shy than others. Yet, you have to sort of still make some sort of effort if the person on the other end is worth it. I know of a lot of guys who have trouble initiating contact with women. But, you already know one another. You have let it be known you enjoy his company. Thus, not much if any reason for him to be shy. He may just not be that into you. Better know now than later on. The other option is that he does like you and is still to shy to let you know. I would not contact him unless he does so again first. Wait it out and see what happens. Look at it like this. Even if he does like you. Do you really want to be with someone who has such a hard time expressing his feelings? Thanks, this was really useful. My friend thinks I should try one last text because she said I have "nothing to loose"- if i've really truly blown it, I will find out because he won't text back or whatever, and then I can cut my losses. This was the plan I was leading towards because, like you said, as he is shy it seems harsh to cut my losses and give up already!? Especially because it took so long for him to ask me out. Being with someone who has such a hard time expressing their feelings will involve a lot of work, but I really feel that even when we were working together there was some connection (I got that instant feeling the first time I ever saw him), and I feel it would be a shame for me to let this one pass me by.
thekid36 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Thanks, this was really useful. My friend thinks I should try one last text because she said I have "nothing to loose"- if i've really truly blown it, I will find out because he won't text back or whatever, and then I can cut my losses. This was the plan I was leading towards because, like you said, as he is shy it seems harsh to cut my losses and give up already!? Especially because it took so long for him to ask me out. Being with someone who has such a hard time expressing their feelings will involve a lot of work, but I really feel that even when we were working together there was some connection (I got that instant feeling the first time I ever saw him), and I feel it would be a shame for me to let this one pass me by. Glad my words were a little helpful. You definitely have nothing to lose by trying one more time. Especially with the connection you have felt on that end. As long as you do so with hope and without expectation. He does seem rather shy and that could be why he has not said or done more. I admire you for texting him first. Not all women would do that. I know in general it is not easy to be into someone who may feel differently than you. This has happened to me in reverse many times. A woman will fall for me but I simply do not feel the same. You have to be on the same page. Sometimes, the entire book is different! But, still better to let them know sooner than later. The worst thing we can perhaps do is lead someone on. Thus, I hope in either way, he is open and honest with you. No matter whether he is shy or not. You still have the right to know.
JungleLover Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 You did nothing wrong. Most of the time, the sparks just don't fly. When they fly, you mostly get into relationships that will end eventually. This one won't be one of those no matter how many times you text or call. Even the most shy guy will muster up courage to contact a woman who shows interest in him. When he doesn't, you can be certain that he is not interested. 2
Author allez102 Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 Glad my words were a little helpful. You definitely have nothing to lose by trying one more time. Especially with the connection you have felt on that end. As long as you do so with hope and without expectation. He does seem rather shy and that could be why he has not said or done more. I admire you for texting him first. Not all women would do that. I know in general it is not easy to be into someone who may feel differently than you. This has happened to me in reverse many times. A woman will fall for me but I simply do not feel the same. You have to be on the same page. Sometimes, the entire book is different! But, still better to let them know sooner than later. The worst thing we can perhaps do is lead someone on. Thus, I hope in either way, he is open and honest with you. No matter whether he is shy or not. You still have the right to know. Thanks! I like being chased, but I don't think the guy should always have to do it. But I agree, if he isn't in to me then I wish he would just tell me!
Author allez102 Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 You did nothing wrong. Most of the time, the sparks just don't fly. When they fly, you mostly get into relationships that will end eventually. This one won't be one of those no matter how many times you text or call. Even the most shy guy will muster up courage to contact a woman who shows interest in him. When he doesn't, you can be certain that he is not interested. Thank you.
RachR Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 (edited) There's nothing to be so confused about as it's actually really simple. He isn't interested in seeing you again, so he isn't asking you or volleying back your suggestions. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You left the ball in his court and have made it very clear you're interested in going out again, so I wouldn't send anymore texts about it. Edited June 21, 2014 by RachR 2
Author allez102 Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 There's nothing to be so confused about as it's actually really simple. He isn't interested in seeing you again, so he isn't asking you or volleying back your suggestions. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You left the ball in his court and have made it very clear you're interested in going out again, so I wouldn't send anymore texts about it. Sounds like a plan
thekid36 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Thanks! I like being chased, but I don't think the guy should always have to do it. But I agree, if he isn't in to me then I wish he would just tell me! I think that if all women (and men) were more like you, there would not be nearly as many misunderstandings. One thing that tends to drive me crazy is just not knowing what a woman is thinking and wanting. Open and honest communication can do wonders.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I don't see any point in texting him again. What would you say? You already put the ball in his court and he took himself out of the game. A guy who is truly into it would have at the very least reciprocated some of your interest. He didn't. I know it sucks, but I think you'll have to cut your losses here and move on.
Author allez102 Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 I think that if all women (and men) were more like you, there would not be nearly as many misunderstandings. One thing that tends to drive me crazy is just not knowing what a woman is thinking and wanting. Open and honest communication can do wonders. Totally agreed!
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