rob92 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 ok, so been seeing my gf for 18 months, she used to be overweight but lost loads of weight (before I met her) and now slim but has some like lose skin on her body and face which shes sensitive about. We were messing around and I joked that her skin made her look like a reptile. She got upset, stormed off and now won't answer my calls or texts. I know I was a jerk, but it was a JOKE. Is she over reacting? HOw can I make her see it was only a joke?
Zahara Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 You identify that she is sensitive about it yet you make a joke about it? It wasn't a kind thing to say, hardly a joke to someone that feels very insecure about it. All you can do is apologize by leaving her a message. I'm sure you have done that already. She's going to have to come around on her own and without you pushing her to come your way. 2
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 ok, so been seeing my gf for 18 months, she used to be overweight but lost loads of weight (before I met her) and now slim but has some like lose skin on her body and face which shes sensitive about. We were messing around and I joked that her skin made her look like a reptile. She got upset, stormed off and now won't answer my calls or texts. I know I was a jerk, but it was a JOKE. Is she over reacting? HOw can I make her see it was only a joke? You think she needed you to remind her her physical flaws? and on top of that make jokes about them? No she is not over-reacting, I would never talk to you again either. If you want to fix things up STOP saying it was just a joke. Recognize it was an insensitive and cruel comment that you will regret making for the rest of your life. Maybe you can get her to listen to you this way. 2
CrystalCastles Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 ok, so been seeing my gf for 18 months, she used to be overweight but lost loads of weight (before I met her) and now slim but has some like lose skin on her body and face which shes sensitive about. We were messing around and I joked that her skin made her look like a reptile. She got upset, stormed off and now won't answer my calls or texts. I know I was a jerk, but it was a JOKE. Is she over reacting? HOw can I make her see it was only a joke? Wow, that wasn't a joke, that was mean. Her skin was something she is was sensitive about, that's not joke material. I think you need to apologize.
GoreSP Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 i'm with Zahara. You don't joke about things people are sensitive about. They tend to not find it funny.
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 She's not over reacting. Send her flowers with an apology note. they are a cliché for a reason.
lollipopspot Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 We were messing around It's going to be hard for her to feel comfortable messing around with you again, knowing how you think about the way she looks. Imagine if you had a really small penis, or a skin condition, or were balding or something else you *might* feel self conscious about, and she looked at that feature while you were being intimate and said something negative about it. It wasn't a sweet, loving joke - it confirmed her worst fears. Hey, I put my foot in my mouth all the time too and say things I shouldn't, but you need to own this one. Saying it's a joke doesn't make it better. You never say something disparaging about someone's appearance when you're being intimate (or most other times either, unless there is a really good reason for it). 7
J21 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 All jokes have a hint of truth in them. She is dreadfully sensitive about her weight issue and you had to poke fun at it? What did you think she was gonna be like "haha" and think to herself "he was kidding!". C'mon rob you don't gotta be a genius to figure out it wasn't gonna end well. She's not a guy dude. No she's not over reacting, you were an a hole about it even if you were in jest. Send her flowers, chocolates, and hope she'll start talking again. If she does, you never mention anything about it again. 2
lollipopspot Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 She's not a guy dude. I don't think a guy would find a "joke" about his micropenis funny while being intimate either! 3
Hope Shimmers Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I'm curious - what kind of reaction did you expect after you told your girlfriend she looks like a reptile? You thought she would find it funny like a joke? Sorry - I would never speak to you again either. No amount of apologies can reverse the damage you likely caused with that comment. I feel so bad for her - that incredible effort to lose a great deal of weight only to be told (by her boyfriend!) that she looks like a reptile. 5
bene Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Rule of thumb - never make joke about a woman's appearance. Never EVER make a joke about something that the woman already is self-conscious about. She is not overreacting, you insulted her rubbing in something she already feels bad about. Women are not like your guy friends. Guys can joke quite recklessly with each other and in the end of the day everybody is cool with it, but just don't do it with women. Personally I wouldn't be able to feel comfortable around a man after something like this. No woman wants to get naked and think that a guy sees a reptile looking at her. Ugh.
GemmaUK Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Wow! That was cruel! I would steer well clear of a man who could be that mean. That's not material to joke about. Why did she deserve that? Did she throw an insult back at you too or was she pretty much speechless? I don't blame her at all for ignoring you. It's exactly what I would do.
beach Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 ok, so been seeing my gf for 18 months, she used to be overweight but lost loads of weight (before I met her) and now slim but has some like lose skin on her body and face which shes sensitive about. We were messing around and I joked that her skin made her look like a reptile. She got upset, stormed off and now won't answer my calls or texts. I know I was a jerk, but it was a JOKE. Is she over reacting? HOw can I make her see it was only a joke? You know you weren't joking - it was just blatantly cruel of you to say that. She's not about to put up with your cruel manner... I hope she stays away from the guy who says he cares about her but is mean and critical.
KathyM Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 You screwed up big time. That was a mean-spirited joke, or at the least a very insensitive one, and showed you to be a guy who doesn't care about her feelings, and who is immature and willing to take pot shots at her which are below the belt. Some would even consider it verbal/emotional abuse. Men who are successful with women and adored by women haved learned how to make a woman feel good about herself, and compliment her on her good features, and do not talk about her not-so-good features, and if the woman mentions her flaws, the guy knows that's his cue to say: "I don't care about that", or "I don't notice that." Learn for next time. Don't insult women. As a dating partner or spouse, your job is to build up her ego, not tear it down. 2
RachR Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 That was a horribly callous joke in this context (her having the loose skin and knowing she's sensitive about it.) You need to learn how to use some discretion and what is appropriate and what's not when joking with people. Good "joking around" doesn't make the other person feel like s***.
CaliGypsy Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I would be done. No, she was not overreacting. You really need to understand that, that comment was not a joke. Surely you can't have thought she'd think it was funny? Words are powerful, choose them wisely
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 What were you thinking!? have a joke by all means but on the one thing she was sensitive about... oh man u have a serious amount of making up to do if she will even listen x 1
todreaminblue Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 i think it was a pretty thoughtless joke.......not at all funny.....in saying that she will probably forgive you........if she lves you....but you hurt her and if it were me i would wonder if that was the way you saw me ........and i would be extremely hurt .....or i would tie you to the ceiling fan and let you understand what it was like to feel drag on loose skin and go out and dance the night away and let you off being spun around at high speed the next morning...........kidding.,...maybe not....... you need to apologize in person not by text, not by phone and you need to mean it...because what you said...well....really sucked....not funny picking on insecurities.......deb
FitChick Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 If she joked about you being short/fat/bald/ugly/low status/lousy lay/small penis, you'd just laugh and laugh and laugh right?
spiderowl Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 ok, so been seeing my gf for 18 months, she used to be overweight but lost loads of weight (before I met her) and now slim but has some like lose skin on her body and face which shes sensitive about. We were messing around and I joked that her skin made her look like a reptile. She got upset, stormed off and now won't answer my calls or texts. I know I was a jerk, but it was a JOKE. Is she over reacting? HOw can I make her see it was only a joke? You've got to be a troll. No guy in his right mind would liken his girlfriend's skin to that of a reptile! If you are not a troll, you have got a lot to learn. 2
Notsure_9 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 This was a very bad joke. As someone who has/is dealing with the same problems as your gf I can imagine that she is very upset and I'm sure feeling very self conscious about this already and for you to make a "joke" about it was just dumb. There're some things you don't "joke" about and that's a big one. IMO she's not overreacting.
April Moon Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Not cool... The only advise I can give is you can hope she accepts your apology. But I can't imagine things being the same between you.
Allumere Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 We would be done. I have something I am extremely self conscious about. It is not something I talk about or call out; it is something I try very hard not to think about when naked (nothing weird mind you, just bothers me) but it does affect how I dress etc. If a nasty comment like that was made I know I could never be intimate with that person again. You have not a clue the damage done. The lose skin is tough to deal with...here a person has worked their butt off to lose weight, get in shape and there is this thing that gets in the way of showing off the way they want (some of course don't care and are totally comfortable...depends on person and amount of lose skin). God grief, just think about all the women who are self-conscious showing their middles after pregnancy because the skin isn't as tight as it was before (again, some don't care at all). Sorry, even if she does forgive you y'all are done.
kaylan Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Troll? What guy with any modicum of common sense would do what the op did? 1
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