Author Supernova31 Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 (edited) Do you understand why someone wouldn't want to date a separated man? I understand why and I'm someone who started dating my now FI while he was separated. It was a time of uncertainty for me, even though he assured me that the marriage had been over for both of them for a very long time. According to him, neither he nor his ex was mourning the loss of the marriage. Both just wanted to move on. I stuck around long enough to realize that he was indeed telling the truth. Some people aren't so lucky to find someone who is telling the truth. Many women wouldn't have stuck around because of the principal of the matter. Technically, you are married. Even if you haven't slept with or lived with your ex in a long time, the fact that you are still married will make many women uncomfortable. My FI didn't even know where his wedding band was. He had taken if off a year before they separated and they had lived like roommates for years before that. Still, I was uncomfortable with that fact that he was married, even after I was certain there was no chance of reconciliation. Even though my situation was about as perfect as you can get with a separated man, it still felt weird. There is no way I would have chosen my partner if I found him on OLD. I understand your frustration, especially if you live somewhere like I do which requires a year separation before filing. I know this time sucked for my FI. He felt like he was being punished for making a mistake when he was very young and it felt unfair to him, like I imagine it does for you. You should try to understand the situation from the woman's perspective. I completely understand which I think people are missing my point, I'm not blaming her and I understand why some people wouldn't want to get with a seperated/married person I was just a little confused and frustrated on how this woman handled it, She diddnt read my profile which is fair enough mistakes happen I gave her the option to call it quits to make things easy for her but she insisted that she still wanted to meet me and get to know me better great! She then called me everyday I diddnt call her telling me how exited she was to meet me Then she messaged me on the day with a few hours(when she could of told me the night before at least, if she felt that strongly about it.)notice that she wanted to call it quits based on what it sounds like her friend told her I was damaged goods which isn't true my marrage ended on a mutual agreement no fighting what so ever and yes legally for a very short while longer I'm married but in both our hearts we are not. And all I'm saying is by the time I meet someone then and they scratch the surface of getting to know me I would of been divorced. Edited June 21, 2014 by Supernova31
TigerLilly78 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I don't see were she was wrong? other then not fully reading your profile to start off with that was flaky. If im looking at a OLD profile I read every detail before I even make contact. But that aside shes choosing not to date some one whose tech still married in the eyes of the law to me a wise choice. Also the fact you are now lieing in your profile is really bad its not that I think you don't deserve to be happy. But you need to be fair to potential partners lieing is never a good idea and a great way to cause needless drama! Cause with allot of women if they find out after the fact chances are you will def get dumped hard and never given it a second chance..why go thu all that?
central Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 People use "rule-of-thumb" judgments to avoid having to take the time to figure things out for themselves based on facts and circumstances. That's fine, but they're doing me a favor by weeding themselves out. Plenty of great women were fine dating me when I was separated. As for the rest - no loss. As it turned out, my divorce took 7 years, but there was no question that it was happening. My SO stuck with me throughout, and I married her 90 days after my divorce was - finally! - final. 1
TigerLilly78 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Personally I don't think I'm lieing as by the time a person if any knows me well enough this divorce will be behind me, if anybody has a problem with me playing cards closer to my chest and I diddnt tell them my whole life's history from the get go it's their problem, and they will do what they feel is right and accept me or they don't and I can't control that I can't only control what I do, like I said everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that, I just don't feel I have to justify myself to anyone, iv obviously ruffled a few feathers on here which wasn't my intention so on that note I'm going to leave it as that. Thank you all for your input I just saw this post ok OP lets put this shoe on the other foot lets say you meet a women who maybe is in the tail end of a relationship she doesn't tell you about the BF/husband whose still in the picture cause in her mind shes now "single" or maybe shes got kids she never mentioned how would those cards sit with you? your entitled to your views but just remember it can go both ways..
Author Supernova31 Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 I don't see were she was wrong? other then not fully reading your profile to start off with that was flaky. If im looking at a OLD profile I read every detail before I even make contact. But that aside shes choosing not to date some one whose tech still married in the eyes of the law to me a wise choice. Also the fact you are now lieing in your profile is really bad its not that I think you don't deserve to be happy. But you need to be fair to potential partners lieing is never a good idea and a great way to cause needless drama! Cause with allot of women if they find out after the fact chances are you will def get dumped hard and never given it a second chance..why go thu all that? Yes I agree If it were me I would tell someone straight away if I felt that strongly about something, I have put on my profile that I'm separated in the description so if anyone message me and they ain't read my profile then they can't be that serious
TigerLilly78 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Yes I agree If it were me I would tell someone straight away if I felt that strongly about something, I have put on my profile that I'm separated in the description so if anyone message me and they ain't read my profile then they can't be that serious Good for you I think you made the right choice op chances are there are indeed women who would consider dating you as things are even tho it dose limit your pool down a bit..
jbelle6 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 By the time I separated officially from my husband our relationship was WELL over. We also had everything figured out as far as custody and our property. I stayed separated for quite a while simply because I wanted to keep my ex's benefits until I got a job that offered me my own. It was just a practical decision. Because of this I was separated a long long time. I dated during that time because it was over, so people can spare the moral "you were still married" crap. I wasn't going to wait until 2-3 years after my divorce when my marriage was over a couple of years before my separation. I didn't need almost a decade to get over it. Luckily it did not hinder my dating life that I know of. My divorce just recently went through and I've had 2 long term relationships since our separation. I get that not every case is like mine so not getting on anyone who decides not to date a separated person, just showing there are other sides. Divorces aren't always emotionally devastating. 1
ktya Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I hate "rules of thumb" in dating like this. Every persons situation is different. I broke up with my ex in november and started dating in january. A lot of the girls i talked to were all concerned that i was dating so soon. Well i was pretty excited about getting out and dating because my relationship with my ex wasnt fun for a really long time. I was just absolutely dying to go out and have regular type dates.
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