PuppetLife Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 So i have a friend at school and one outside of school, the two of them used to be really good friends but they kind of drifted apart. So lately, the friend who is at my school now have been excluding me and I have been telling how I feel, and complaining to the friend out of school. I ask her not to tell the others and i trust her that she won't. And today, i hang out with the friend at school, and she told the friend outside of school. That friend got upset and said that i never want to catch up with her but i hang out with the others. She said I always complain to her about what the other girl did but never go out like friends any more. I told her that i thought she wouldn't have time unless it's in the holiday because she got really popular. And she haven't reply yet. But now, I'm scared that because she's angry at me, she will tell the other girl what i have complained and all that. I'm scared that both of them will dislike me, one because she thinks that i'm not her friend, and the other because she thinks that i don't like her. I know that i shouldn't have told the girl about the problems that happened between me and the others, but i was really upset and i just need someone to talk to. I regret deeply now and i don't know what to do
Author PuppetLife Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 I simply want to keep both of them as friends, and i want the girl to know that i still want to hang out with her and i want to stop her from telling that friend what I complained about....
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 You needed a friend & confided in someone you thought would be there for you. Somehow that person felt used by your attentions. The way you feel neglected by your school friend, your outside friend thinks you treat her the same way. When you confided in her she felt more important but now she feels even worse because from her perspective you went running back to the school friend. Do you see how that works? Apologize to the out of school friend & make an effort to assure her that she is important to you. Treat her the way you wish your school friend would treat you.
Author PuppetLife Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 I told her i'm sorry, but she's ignoring my message. I understand that i need to show her i care, but i don't know how when she doesn't want to. Also, i don't want to ruin the relationship between me and the school friend either. I'm worry that she might know that i talked about her to others, and start another fight. Also, i don't know if i should tell her about the fact that the girl out of school is angry. Because if i did, next time when we do something, she might invite her. But the girl out of school might not want me to tell her.
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Learn to keep your own counsel. (or at least come to LS anonymously rather than talking about people behind their backs.) Can you show up at the out of school friend's house? Can you send her a written apology of sorts? I'm thinking something along the lines of: I miss you. You're important to me. Let's talk. I want to clear the air. 1
Author PuppetLife Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 Thanks that a great idea. I won't be able to go to her house. But showing her that i do care and she's important to me is a good start i think. 1
Author PuppetLife Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 There's also something else that is concerning me... Say What would you do if ...you had a best friend, but then she kind of drifted away from you. And then, this another girl became good friend with you. You moved on and make many new friends. You and your good friend still keep in touch, always talk to each other online and stuff. But not so much with your ex-best friend. But in your heart, you still think that your ex-best friend is more important than your good friend. But you never show it because secretly you are still angry at the reason you and your ex-best friend drifted away, which was because she made a new best friend and you felt excluded. Lately, your good friend have been complaining to you about her feeling excluded by them, and you comforted her, telling her that was how you felt. But yesterday, you found out that your good friend hang out with your ex-best friend and felt excluded. You told your good friend that you feel like she doesn't want to hang out with you any more and that she just want you to be there when she have problems with your ex-best friend. You said to her that she never ask you to hang out. Your good friend messaged you, saying that she thought you wouldn't have time for her since you made so many new friends, and that she already ask you to hang out during the holiday. You told her that she asked to go out during the holiday, but she went with you ex-best friend when it wasn't holiday. She said she understand what you meant now, and that she is sorry. You decided to ignore her. After one night, she asked you if you're still pissed at her, and that you're a important friend to her, she doesn't want you to be upset. So, I want to ask: a) Do you think you will tell your ex-best friend that your good friend have been complaining about her to get back on your good friend because she made you upset？ b) What would you want your good friend to do? And what can she do to stop you from getting upset?
SpiralOut Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 So, I want to ask: a) Do you think you will tell your ex-best friend that your good friend have been complaining about her to get back on your good friend because she made you upset？ That sounds like revenge to me and that's never a good idea. I think your friend might feel like a second choice. It's probably also not fun for her to listen to you talk about this other girl. That's her ex-friend. It probably stings a bit to see you still hanging out with her ex-friend, hear you complaining about her ex-friend, then go hang out with her again. I don't think she was the right person for you to talk to about it. It's good that you apologized. Maybe she just needs some time to cool down and that's why she's not responding yet.
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