MonWedFri Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 How frequent is social media blocking post-BU? I know it's done, but how common is it? And how long does one normally wait? After my breakup, I immediately blocked the ex on Facebook and Instagram. But I never really deliberated it and maybe that was not a good decision to automatically make? Do others agree? What's your experience? I ask because I wonder what effect that has on our ability to maintain friendship after the breakup....particularly now that I want to get back together.
robaday Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Did you breakup with them? or the other way round? If you broke up with them it would have hurt them quite a bit to then be blocked on top. If it was the other way round then its unlikely to make much of a difference to what happens in the long run....... I deactivate accounts instead of blocking partly for this reason. I can always resume my friendship at a later date rather than go through the awfully embarrassing "friend request" down the track. Deactivating actually has been the best thing I have done in ages anyway, you tend to keep more in touch with the people who matter in your life more often and make more of an effort....
Author MonWedFri Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 Did you breakup with them? or the other way round? If you broke up with them it would have hurt them quite a bit to then be blocked on top. If it was the other way round then its unlikely to make much of a difference to what happens in the long run....... I deactivate accounts instead of blocking partly for this reason. I can always resume my friendship at a later date rather than go through the awfully embarrassing "friend request" down the track. Deactivating actually has been the best thing I have done in ages anyway, you tend to keep more in touch with the people who matter in your life more often and make more of an effort.... I broke it off with them.
somedude81 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 My ex dumped me, and she eventually blocked my phone number, email address and went so far as to block me from her Facebook, even though I un-friended her first and never sent her messages there. It really hurt knowing that she hated me so much that she would remove all forms I have of ever contacting her.
Author MonWedFri Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 My ex dumped me, and she eventually blocked my phone number, email address and went so far as to block me from her Facebook, even though I un-friended her first and never sent her messages there. It really hurt knowing that she hated me so much that she would remove all forms I have of ever contacting her. Your ex did this after how long?
learning_slowly Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 You broke up with her, so you need to think about her feelings. Forget Facebook, leave it blocked. Go and meet her or phone and explain how you feel. Depending on her response, you know to get out of her life or make attempts to rectify the problems that existed before. Then worry about Facebook if it goes well. As for being friends, will it really benefit her to have you as a friend when she probably sees you as more? If that's all you want it's best to leave her alone now.
Author MonWedFri Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 You broke up with her, so you need to think about her feelings. Forget Facebook, leave it blocked. Go and meet her or phone and explain how you feel. Depending on her response, you know to get out of her life or make attempts to rectify the problems that existed before. Then worry about Facebook if it goes well. As for being friends, will it really benefit her to have you as a friend when she probably sees you as more? If that's all you want it's best to leave her alone now. The thing is, I did phone and then we met up. It went well, but the signals given for the future are mixed, which is why I'm having trouble. I broke 2.5 month NC via phone, we met up, then she said she still has feelings for me and doesn't want to let me go (we kissed) but wants to be alone for the summer but that we could perhaps talk after summer. I have the goal to get back together and would not be interested in being friends at this point, so I'm wondering whether I should add her on social media again or not. If I wait the summer, maybe our chances will be decreased. We don't have to even talk or get back, but perhaps just seeing each other again will keep the possibility in our minds, make her miss me, and not forget quicker?
pinkie Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Facebook will not make her miss you.... It might annoy her.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 The thing is, I did phone and then we met up. It went well, but the signals given for the future are mixed, which is why I'm having trouble. I broke 2.5 month NC via phone, we met up, then she said she still has feelings for me and doesn't want to let me go (we kissed) but wants to be alone for the summer but that we could perhaps talk after summer. I have the goal to get back together and would not be interested in being friends at this point, so I'm wondering whether I should add her on social media again or not. If I wait the summer, maybe our chances will be decreased. We don't have to even talk or get back, but perhaps just seeing each other again will keep the possibility in our minds, make her miss me, and not forget quicker? She's not going to forget you dude. You sucking around and meddling is much more likely to keep her away than if you let go and let her do her own thing. Being a control freak is never a good strategy. Just leave her alone until the end of summer -- don't be the weird, panicked spaz who thinks that their ex-girlfriend will completely forget about them. Think about it -- are there any ex-girlfriends you can't remember?
somedude81 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Your ex did this after how long? About three months after she dumped me. The Facebook block is still in effect and will most likely never be removed, which is fine.
April Moon Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Hi Op! I'm the dumpee. He deleted me from his friends on FB (not blocking) and I then blocked him from every social media form (not email or phone). We have been in NC for about 10 months. I'm not sure if I'll ever unblock him. I'm really disgusted by him now. I think I would have been madder if he blocked me (haha sounds hypocritical but it's a loong story).
elseaacych Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Hi OP, I have an overly complicated history with social media and my ex. I was the dumpee by the way. But here's the progression I took over 4 months following the break up. Neither of us did anything initially, was bad for me in the long run. He was still on my close friends list when I got the news that he got a new girlfriend, so it showed up right at the top of my newsfeed. WORST EVER. TRIGGERED MAJOR DEPRESSION. Over the course of the next three months I waivered, but eventually unfollowed, de-friended, and finally blocked him (and his girlfriend). If I had to go back and relive those days, I would have blocked him right away. Would have saved me a lot of heartache. It's not a bad thing to do, it's a protection mechanism. Besides, FB communication is lazy communication. It's reserved for people I don't have the nuts to up and contact face to face. Furthermore: f you were the dumper, feel okay to re-initiate. If not, do not. Let it be on him. Bottom line: Facebook is pretty fake because you control the flow of information. So what if you need to re-friend him? If you want to be friends, be friends IRL first. 1
Nimbus4dt Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Mine de-friended me while we were going out……!!! Never was fussed about it to be honest, bit limp mind. She then dumped me, I severed all contact, blocked everything I could, esp FB as didn't wish to know what she was up to while trying to get myself sorted out. Last week un-blocked her on everything in case she wanted to contact me (her abortion due date is soon) if she wished to chat etc. I did not look at her profile at all (which surprised me) but did search her profile name and no sign, so assume am blocked, it's mad, a 43 & 36 yr old doing this!!! But then she may have just thought she's being kind to my feelings as she may have someone else by now and/or she's just pissed off!! Or she could have taken her profile off FB all together, who knows…..!!!
Author MonWedFri Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 She's not going to forget you dude. You sucking around and meddling is much more likely to keep her away than if you let go and let her do her own thing. Being a control freak is never a good strategy. Just leave her alone until the end of summer -- don't be the weird, panicked spaz who thinks that their ex-girlfriend will completely forget about them. Think about it -- are there any ex-girlfriends you can't remember? Thanks for your reply. Do you think re-adding on social media itself counts for being overly aggressive? Literally forget me, no. However, I mean letting the feelings fade.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Thanks for your reply. Do you think re-adding on social media itself counts for being overly aggressive? Literally forget me, no. However, I mean letting the feelings fade. Honestly, it's more important -- if that's truly what you want -- to re-establish a relationship in person before re-adding her on Facebook. If you make the necessary headway in everyday social interaction, she won't give two s--ts about re-adding you. But in all seriousness, you need to chill out and give her space if that's what she requested. You are more likely to turn her off permanently by being the weird, clingy guy who can't leave well enough alone than you are by chilling out, giving her the space she requested and working on yourself. So back off and get your mind right.
Js2493 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I immediately blocked my ex on twitter and facebook. The problem for me was that I still had a lot of her friends added and would constantly see indirect post / tweets about me and how bad I supposedly treated her and how great her life was now. I decided to just deactivate my twitter and only keep facebook. Not really a big deal anyways, if you're just out of a relationship, the only person that should matter to you, is you.
slouch Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 A bit of background- my ex before this one, who I dumped, stayed in contact for over a year. The middle of last year she PM'd me telling me she was deleting me from FB, which I thought was pretty melodramatic. Nonetheless, she stayed in touch until last New Year's, after which I think she discovered I was in a new relationship (the one that just ended) and blocked me. Which I also thought was pretty melodramatic, not to mention pointless- it wasn't like I was going to message her. Immediately after my recent BU, in which I was the dumpee, I told myself I wouldn't do any of that, that I would keep my ex as a friend because I only deleted people I didn't like. This was when I thought there was still a chance we would get back together. But as the weeks went by and I occasionally saw her status updates, I decided I had to unfollow her. Of course, this meant she could still PM me- which she did- and it also meant that occasionally I would see her profile picture, which she changed a few times. And it was too much for me. So I blocked her. I did the one thing I thought I would never do, but I had to do it, in spite of wanting to seem mature, and in spite of wanting to keep the lines of communication open. Because every time I saw her on FB it set me back. In the long run, I think it's better to block as soon as possible. You might come across as hysterical to them, but if you're the dumpee, you should really be worrying about yourself and doing what's best for you. If they want to get in touch, they'll find a way. I haven't blocked my ex's number and I still have her on Twitter (which she barely uses), although I don't expect to hear anything from her at this point. FB is the worst, though, because whether you want to or not (and I personally had no desire to check up on my ex) you will usually end up seeing something you don't want to. So it's better to prevent that as early as you can.
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 My ex dumped me, and she eventually blocked my phone number, email address and went so far as to block me from her Facebook, even though I un-friended her first and never sent her messages there. It really hurt knowing that she hated me so much that she would remove all forms I have of ever contacting her. Mine did exactly the same thing, and under similar circumstances; whether she cheated on me or led me on for a couple of months is a matter of debate, but the fact is, she was hooking up with other men, and not telling me, while we were in a platonic relationship. When she did one of the guys a week before she and I went on a Caribbean vacation together, that was the last straw. She didn't block me, however, until a few months later, when I sent her an email saying that I was glad we had run into each other and somewhat normalized, and that I held no grudges, validated her actions somewhat last fall, apologized for overreacting, and basically said I was glad we weren't enemies -- after she got that email, she blocked every form of communications with me, and would not even look me in the eye for a couple of months (we live less than a mile from each other and have many mutual friends, so chance encounters are inevitable). Somehow that hurts more than when I found out she was banging strangers half her age...
Author MonWedFri Posted June 23, 2014 Author Posted June 23, 2014 A bit of background- my ex before this one, who I dumped, stayed in contact for over a year. The middle of last year she PM'd me telling me she was deleting me from FB, which I thought was pretty melodramatic. Nonetheless, she stayed in touch until last New Year's, after which I think she discovered I was in a new relationship (the one that just ended) and blocked me. Which I also thought was pretty melodramatic, not to mention pointless- it wasn't like I was going to message her. Immediately after my recent BU, in which I was the dumpee, I told myself I wouldn't do any of that, that I would keep my ex as a friend because I only deleted people I didn't like. This was when I thought there was still a chance we would get back together. But as the weeks went by and I occasionally saw her status updates, I decided I had to unfollow her. Of course, this meant she could still PM me- which she did- and it also meant that occasionally I would see her profile picture, which she changed a few times. And it was too much for me. So I blocked her. I did the one thing I thought I would never do, but I had to do it, in spite of wanting to seem mature, and in spite of wanting to keep the lines of communication open. Because every time I saw her on FB it set me back. In the long run, I think it's better to block as soon as possible. You might come across as hysterical to them, but if you're the dumpee, you should really be worrying about yourself and doing what's best for you. If they want to get in touch, they'll find a way. I haven't blocked my ex's number and I still have her on Twitter (which she barely uses), although I don't expect to hear anything from her at this point. FB is the worst, though, because whether you want to or not (and I personally had no desire to check up on my ex) you will usually end up seeing something you don't want to. So it's better to prevent that as early as you can. So you think despite its benefits, it comes off primarily as immature? I was the dumper and blocked her almost without thinking because of the logic. Logically, I didn't want to have to see her because it would be too hard for both of us to move on. But in hindsight I'm wondering if that was too much too soon, despite it already having been done. Now, I'm questioning what to do social media wise when I want to get back with her. Some have said reconnect irl first, which we did, but only once before we both went away for the summer.
Always Pondering Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Social media is like poison for dumpees, particularly the inexperienced ones. I've had several exes that I did not block but they weren't as serious as my last relationship. For the most recent one, I removed her immediately. When I decided to begin NC, I blocked her as well. I honestly can't say exactly when because truth be told, I've completely forgotten. I removed our mutual friends who I only hung out with her. She was upset about it but I had no choice, it was that or expose myself to what on earth I could have seen. Fast-forward about 8 months, I decided to do something. I unblocked her, unblocked her boyfriend and anyone else I blocked at the time. I haven't checked any of their profiles since and don't need to. The only reason that happened was because I felt I was harboring some sort of "hate"--whether true or not--and I knew I was strong enough to not have the urge to check social media anymore anyways. It's been about 4-5 months since I've unblocked everyone. That's my story, take what you want from it. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 My ex and I broke up 2 days ago, and I immediately unfriended her, and her friends. She initiated the breakup by telling me she no longer felt romantic love for me, thus breaking my heart, but to be fair, I had been talking about my unhappiness with our situation for a while. Anyway. For semantics' sake, I was the dumpee, and feel no regret about immediately disconnecting from her. If she dumped me and was the one to block me, that would be kind of weird, because theoretically they don't love you and shouldn't be affected by seeing your photos or being your "friend" on FB. 1
emeryentropy Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I think it depends. If you want them back at some point then blocking them is best because it will make them crave you because they think you're out of reach. Every guy I ever blocked has instantly looked for alternate ways to contact me and one of my exs brought flowers to my house and apologized. However, if you don't block then they think you're available still but probably won't pursue as much once it ends. I don't know though. . I did have one ex go out of his way to send me mean messages and then say "I'm surprised you haven't blocked me yet" and I never knew if I should interpret that he wanted to be blocked or enjoyed that he wasn't. 1
slouch Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 So you think despite its benefits, it comes off primarily as immature? I was the dumper and blocked her almost without thinking because of the logic. Logically, I didn't want to have to see her because it would be too hard for both of us to move on. But in hindsight I'm wondering if that was too much too soon, despite it already having been done. Now, I'm questioning what to do social media wise when I want to get back with her. Some have said reconnect irl first, which we did, but only once before we both went away for the summer. I don't think it matters how it comes off. I think all that matters is what works for you. If you think seeing your ex on social media is going to be difficult for you then block them asap.
avacado Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 I recommend blocking (not merely de-friending) an ex on Facebook if you're trying to go NC. Even if it seems immature, the assurance that you won't "bump into" your ex on Facebook, such as seeing them in a mutual message or group, etc, feels very liberating. Next to getting a new girlfriend, blocking my ex was the best thing I did in my recovery. She probably has realized what I did, and I know she understands why I did it and doesn't think it's petty or anything. But even if she did, is that my problem? 1
killerheels Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I got fed up being played/lied to call it what you will. Between a married man, his old lover and me. A newbie. It did the damage, got me blocked on Twitter, WhatsApp and no doubt 'phone too (although I won't call so I can't tell). Told me he'd never see me again and to stay away from him and his family. NC in a nutshell Eh! And despite being married to his wife of 23 years, he's back with his ex-mistress Fact is he is awesome in bed. Apart from that, I think I'm better off out of this triangle. What say you? Update: Elbow's song "Grounds for Divorce" just played on the TV. How funny!
Recommended Posts