pav186 Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 hey everyone... its been a while since i posted on here about any sort of relationship issues but ive been feeling kinda confused lately so i figured id come on here and see what you guys thought, i could use some insight. ive been dating my gf since october of 2003 which was my senior year of college and her sophomore year. We both went to school up in boston but after I graduated I moved back to NY while she's still in Boston for her junior year. I'm having trouble figuring out exactly how I feel about her. In the past relationships, I knew when I was no longer in love and ended the relationship but I still care very deeply about her but its not the same as it once was. I dont know if its just that we're out of that puppy love stage where we talk all the time and send each other text messages all the time etc. Or if its because we're long distance now cuz when we're together visiting each other I have a blast and feel very connected to her but when we're apart again I honestly dont think about her THAT much. I do but its not like it was. Another thing is that I'm going backpacking across europe in april and part of me wants to go with no responsibilities or committments. I mean, if I pass up on stuff and things dont work out with her anyway I feel like i'll regret it. It's not even that i'm going over there with the expectations of banging everything I can because I'm not like that at all, its more just having 6 weeks to myself where i'm accountable to NO ONE! Complete freedom... i'm 22 and after this when I have to get serious about life and move towards a real job i just feel like its important to have had that experience. So maybe its the typical male committment issues?? In some ways I feel like I wish I met her a few years down the road but I wouldnt ever want to give up everything we've shared so far, so im just really confused about all this. Some of the time I actually think that she's such an amazing person and I could see her and I together for a long time... does this make sense to anyone else cuz it certainly doesnt to me...
kypepeo Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 You already know the answer to your question. You are not really feeling this girl anymore though you still care about her and that's why you are confused. If you still did, you would know that you know it. Of course you feel a connection when you are around her, that's because you went out with her for a while and that mader you close.It was good while it lasted but you are ready to let go so let go.
axle_boy Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I would have to say that you do in fact love this girl but in a way that is different than other relationships. It seems that you care about this girl and this caring is not based on your sexual desires for her. It seems like you want to know if you will be missing out on things by staying with this girl. Well, all I can tell you is that you can only make that decision for yourself. You not thinking about her all that much when she is not around is normal in my opinion. I didn't think about my girlfriend all that much when she was not around because I was busy with school and other commitments. I would have to say that those feelings of not thinking about her were better because I could think straight about things. But when I saw her, I felt this connection that I couldn't believe. One problem if you leave her is that "what if" you made a mistake and a few months later you come back and realize it and she has moved on. Good luck with whatever you do and have a good trip
Lucinda Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 You are abviously not totally into this girl. If you were you wouldn't want to do anything that would risk losing her. She would be your everything and you would want her to be apart of everything you do. I say "move on". When you do find the right one you will be so in love with her you won't do anything to risk losing her. You will want her by your side where ever you go. Lucinda
ttjames Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 So maybe its the typical male committment issues?? Nope, it's not just males. my g/f who is 20 had basically the same reason. Which I completely understand. I'm 26 and have experienced a lot of stuff that she hadn't had a chance to yet and I think it's very important to experience life.. and not just be sheltered and "in love" your whole life. You grow so much when you're alone and make your own decision without anyone around... Afterwards though you will be more sure that you either want to stay that way (alone with no attachments) or get into a serious relationship.
Hund1976 Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Well you have to think about what's going to make you happiest down the road. If this is girl that you could see yourself marrying in the future then hooking up with some local girls in Europe probably isn't really worth it. However if you really don't see that much of a future then you might as well get it over with. I also think when you're with someone for a while you lose some of that head over heels feelings for them. Just make sure you think long and hard about what you want before you do it. Also don't tell the girl you are thinking about breaking up with her until you are actually ready to do it. Everyone has doubts but if you tell her she will start trying to make herself less into you to protect herself in case of a breakup.
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