suchamamasboy Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 If you've read my previous threads, you'd know that my ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago. He did it because his mom said so. I was extremely hurt and I felt my world was crashing down. I had no appetite and I cried for so many days. He blocked my number and ignored an email that I sent. He called me yesterday and I didn't recognize the number because I had deleted him from my contacts. He said my name, and he was trying to say other things but as soon as he said my name, he started to cry uncontrollably. He couldn't even speak and I just listened to him cry for about 5 minutes. He apologized for everything and he asked me to take him back. See, if he had asked me this around 3 weeks ago, I would have been so happy and I would have said yes. But now, I just don't care. I mean, it's tempting for me to want to date him because we had so many good memories. However, he hurt me a lot and my therapist told me that even people who date abusers have good memories of a relationship because nothing is completely bad. Although he didn't abuse me, she was saying that every relationship has a least one good day. On the phone, he told me that I was the best thing that had happened to him. I simply said, "I know" and ended the call. I was so good to him and I gave my all. I put my needs before his and he was always okay with that. I received an email from him yesterday where he listed the reasons that he loved me. He also attached a scanned image of the love letter that I had mailed him after our breakup and he asked, "Didn't you mean any of this?" I did mean it, but just as I fell IN love with him, his cruelness and absolute callous behavior (along with time away from him) caused me to fall OUT of love with him. It wasn't a conscious decision; it just happened. I haven't responded to his email and I don't think that I will. I'm writing this to you all because this community supported me after my breakup. When he dumped me, I never thought that I would be happy again. When someone would tell me that time would heal my wounds, I would think "What the heck does s/he know?! I'll never be happy again!". I'm so much happier now, in fact I'm even happier than I was right before he broke up with me. It's almost like he was a lifetime ago. I've been working out (I've lost weight), and just taking better care of myself because I wanted to love me, I thought I deserved my love. If anyone is reading this and they feel like they'll never get over their ex, I just want to say that you will. One day you will be happy. Of courage. 15
No Limit Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Glad to hear you're doing well, and that within such a short amount of time. And yes, stay NC. It's the only way he won't get his hopes up. 1
Author suchamamasboy Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Wow! Awesome story! Very inspiring. Good Job! Thanks!
Treasa Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Another reason we tend to remember just the good after something like this is because our brains can handle happy. They don't cope as well with extreme heartbreak, anxiety, tragedy, etc. So our brains break it down into tiny pieces, which we process little by little, until we can handle the entire thing, which is the point you have gotten to. Brava! 3
Author suchamamasboy Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Another reason we tend to remember just the good after something like this is because our brains can handle happy. They don't cope as well with extreme heartbreak, anxiety, tragedy, etc. So our brains break it down into tiny pieces, which we process little by little, until we can handle the entire thing, which is the point you have gotten to. Brava! Thanks for your reply! And I like how you said that our brains can handle happy which is why we remember the good things. I never thought about it like that:D 2
Elle1975 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 he told me that I was the best thing that had happened to him. I simply said, "I know" and ended the call. Ouch! Good for you!! 6
Author suchamamasboy Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 Ouch! Good for you!! Haha, thanks! I never thought that I would ever feel so happy again and I never thought that I would not only be over him, but reject him as well! He sent another email and now he's really starting to get on my nerves. It's so funny because the girl that I was a month ago would have been delighted to receive emails from him. I'm going to filter his emails to automatically go to the trash now. I hope that he's having a great time with his mom because I'm having a wonderful time with my friends (old and new)! He literally has no friends and I was on campus today and an acquaintance said, "What happened to that weird guy that I used to see you with?". It's dawning on me that he was not liked at all and he was actually preventing me from making new friends (long story that I don't feel like typing out). 2
April Moon Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so glad you are in a better place! I hope other who are going through a hard time read your post and finds hope. 1
Author suchamamasboy Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so glad you are in a better place! I hope other who are going through a hard time read your post and finds hope. No problem! And thanks! Also, I hope that others can find hope too! I posted my story for that very reason. However, I was always skeptical of posts where the person ended up happy because I could not imagine my life without my ex. We had plans for a future and I just couldn't accept that I had lost him because of his mother. I used to wait by phone. Every morning, I would see if he had left a message, and then I would check my email. However, there came a time when I didn't check for messages from him because why would he message me today, when he didn't yesterday? And then my birthday came and he didn't text me. After that, I could never think of him the same. But still, I hurt. But time helped. I began to think of a future without him. I couldn't do it all at once though. What I mean is that I couldn't just think that he would never be in my life again. I couldn't handle that. I had to think small first. Okay, he's not going to be here next week and I can deal with that. Bam! I felt a little bit better. I began to get excited for things. I started to anticipate August because I couldn't wait for classes to start again. I thought to myself, "He won't be here in August, you know." and I was okay with that. But I wasn't okay with him NEVER coming back though so I still thought small. Like, maybe he won't be here in August, but he'll be here in September. That kind of thing. Eventually, thoughts of my future went beyond August. I began thinking of my graduation. I became comfortable with the idea that he wouldn't be there for my graduation. And then I began to think of med school, and then I thought about the moment I'll eventually become a doctor. "He's not going to be there". That was my mantra. I was fine with not having him in my life at that point. And then I thought of marriage. I thought of my special day with all of my friends and my mantra changed a little. "I don't want him there". And I was okay with that. That's how I got through it. I had to take baby steps. 6
changchewsoon Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 It is really inspiring to know that through NC you have healed, and thank you for giving it back to the community. 1
jbelle6 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I needed to read this. Funny, it's 6 weeks for me, I pine over him some days, it gets easier. The days I miss him I think that I want him back but the other day I asked myself if that was really true? If he called would I just forget all of this? The answer isn't so easy to come by as it was a few weeks ago when it was an automatic YES. 3
Author suchamamasboy Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 It is really inspiring to know that through NC you have healed, and thank you for giving it back to the community. It's no problem to give back. This site helped me a lot. I just know that really dark place of thinking no one will ever love you again, but it's not true. Someone better for you will come along. Time really does help. Netflix also helped. I watched a lot of comedies, like Portlandia.
Author suchamamasboy Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 I needed to read this. Funny, it's 6 weeks for me, I pine over him some days, it gets easier. The days I miss him I think that I want him back but the other day I asked myself if that was really true? If he called would I just forget all of this? The answer isn't so easy to come by as it was a few weeks ago when it was an automatic YES. It'll get better, I promise. I went through the same thing. I think the fluctuations that you're going through are signs that you're healing. Sure, you want him back at times but at other times you don't. This is much better than the initial breakup stage when wanting him was a constant. Those waves of doubt, of not knowing if getting back with him really is the best thing for you, will lead you to where you want to be.
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