A lot on my mind

[TazzieDomo]

This site is for advice about relationships and love on many many many different levels, I posted because reading through I seen so much support and great advice was being give to women who's partners had slept with someone else.

So I think I will find what I'm looking for just maybe not by posting my own story.

 

ALSO.

 

I would like to add that my boyfriend and I are very open about our sexual fantasies and desires because of this incident which again I will add has not been repeated.

I mention this because (by observing friends and relatives relationships) I believe one problem is that they both have suppresed desires that lead to a lot of different complications for people.

I am quite out there myself and enjoy having magazines, dvds and toys around just for when the mood takes me and the problem before was we were both keeping this side of each other to ourselves.

This caused stress, anxiety and I felt that we were both being kind of sneeky with our porn intake. (Which I watch probably every second day and I do enjoy watching with him)

After talking not only is this not a problem now but I again talked to him about that one isolated incident, we both have a better understanding of what happened and whether anyone believes the truth or not isn't in my interest, I believe him.

I have slight jealousy issues that I can't control sometimes which is a problem because it stops me from having female friends and because I get jealous of photos. Even innocent ones.

Listen we have discussed. Discussed and discussed this.

I am done with what happened it was once it was a porn related issue which is out in the open now and with our very sexually satisfying relationship I do not worry about that at all.

Honestly I just wanted help with the way I get jealous and possessive because that is a problem so please stop telling me to leave and judging him based off one incident. Gosh I found a woman who had an affair and got pregnant from a MM who gets more support on here then I do.

Maybe I should re-state the whole post;

Due to an incident I became more jealous an possesive of my man because I am super attractive and so is he, I want him ALL the time and this causes a problem because he doesn't always have the energy because of work and family, so I find myself getting jealous over pornographic images which trust me I don't have problems over. < also these images are from years ago x nothing new!

Edited June 24, 2014 by TazzieDomo

[PegNosePete]

This site is for advice about relationships

Yes, and that is exactly what you have received.

We've all advised that you end your relationship because your boyfriend is making a fool out of you, disrespecting you and your relationship.

Nobody is going to tell you how to live with a guy like this. The only sensible course of action is to LEAVE.

But you refuse to listen.

What can we do - you have been shown the water, it is up to you to choose to drink or not.

Good luck.

[Feeorin]

I'd research your jealousy issues as much as possible. Knowledge is power. Once you know what's sparks this emotion off, chat to your bf and ask him to be a little more understanding. I assume him being on the sex sites has enhanced this insecurity. He needs to be more accountable for causing this and also trying to help you get over it. Also take a look a healthy boundaries in relationships. Make a note of things you aren't prepared to accept, and your bf too. Use these as guidelines.

 

Photos... Ask him to delete. I have no issues with previous exes photos, only because people do have a past and it's OK for them to keep something. If they are nudes, then they should definitely be deleted!

 

Basically, staying is your decision. And that's OK too. But you need to work on yourself first. It is admirable to want to work things out, heavens knows I tried three times... But always remember that you are number one. Your self worth is always more important. Don't ever forget that, and if you aren't getting what you deserve, then gather up the strength to leave...

[TazzieDomo]

I'm so happy I could cry! Finally the light!

All I wanted was to know that it's okay to want to make things work and your advice was really good I know that he is very understanding and compassionate so if I let him know what hurts me and explain how I feel I'm sure he will listen and be considerate to how I feel, thank you so much!

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm so happy I could cry! Finally the light!

All I wanted was to know that it's okay to want to make things work and your advice was really good I know that he is very understanding and compassionate so if I let him know what hurts me and explain how I feel I'm sure he will listen and be considerate to how I feel, thank you so much!

 

So essentially you came here seeking approval and validation for your decision to stay. You are only hearing what you agree with, and discounting or refuting the rest. Why bother asking for advice?

 

It's your relationship and of course you can do as you wish. It's a shame, though. You seem like a kind person who deserves a hell of a lot more than this mess. Good luck with him; I really think you're going to need it.

 

EDIT: One last thing, OP. Please, for the love of Pete, use protection with this guy. He is not to be trusted with your sexual health.

Edited June 24, 2014 by ExpatInItaly

[Feeorin]

There is really nothing wrong with wanting things to work, but then you need to know when enough is enough. Hence healthy boundaries... This is your lesson to conquer so am happy to help.

 

Good luck :-)

[Gaeta]

OP, there is a huge difference between a young woman of 18 finding her boyfriend of 11 months on a sex site and a woman of 42 married 20 years, 3 kids, finding her husband on a sex site. The advice will be much different.

 

When you've been dating 11 months, when you've broken up 3 times already, it's not worth saving. When you've been dating a man for only 11 months and he's already cheating it means it's well ingrained in him and he will always be a cheater.

[TazzieDomo]

Why is everyone so negative?

Also I'm 19 not a huge difference but I should point out that absolutely under no circumstances should anyone be judged by their age, race, religion or sex it is just naive and narrow minded why do so many people find it hard to believe that at 19 I may just be as aware and commuted as a married 30 year old?

I would like to point out that it is the both of you (you should use protection and a 19 year old who has dated for 11 months and a married 30 year old with kids who's husband has an affair are two very different things) are the type of people I don't want my kids to grow up to be.

Why can't people be more open minded and forgiving?

I may only be 19 but I have raised my 2 brothers, cooked every night for them, cleaned the house, supported my family, missed out on school, on trips, on friends and on a childhood to be a mother to my brothers who needed me. I am still young yes.

I can be childish yes.

I can be vain, I can be selfish but I am not a stupid adolescent in puppy love.

I believe that it's bull **** to leave a relationship at the first sign of hardship, love and commitment is about understanding, forgiveness and trust, it doesn't work if your narrow minded hateful and cynical.

I have never just been 19.

I have never had the chance to be young and I'm glad because at my age it made me able to view life from the perspective of a caregiver, of someone who has been abused, of someone who spent most of her life reading about human reactions. I am not dumb, I am not young and I am very aware of the choices I make in life, I want to be like my grandparents, my parents and his too, I want to be forgiving, loving, trusting and work hard to keep the person I love by my side. That kind of love has died out an I'm not about to follow along with everyone else when one bad day out of 307 is not about to send me packing.

I will be strong and I will forgive, he knows the boundaries now and if such a situation happens again I WILL LEAVE. I'm not stupid enough to waste another 4 years of my life, if I feel that he "cheats" in any sense of the word I won't hesitate to leave however until and if that ever course I will stand by him.

As his girlfriend

As his future wife

And as the mother of his baby.

Because I chose to and I will not be made to feel that by sticking to what I believe that I am in the wrong.

Edited June 24, 2014 by TazzieDomo

[PegNosePete]

We're not negative. Just seen this a million times before. It always ends the same. ALWAYS.

 

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."

-- Douglas Adams