alwaysrunnin Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 ok hope someone can shed some advice on me...never been in this situation, and dont like being in it now... g/f of 3 years broke up w/ me back in oct (we're both almost 24), she needed time, freaked out about us b/c she just started law school. she went out with some other dudes in the meantime, she is basically confused. she called me new years to get back together - but i was with a new girl, and was not going to leave the new one for her just then, on new years eve. so she kinda changed her mind, and now she is back and forth - though i'm pretty sure if i put the effort into it we'd be back together eventually b/c our relationship ended w/o any real reason and she is calling me more now and we are over the game playing, just being open and honest about whats going on... new girl...awesome, amazing - we clicked real well, definitely better than my ex and i did on our first times together...thats the only reason i'm dating her now. my ex was amazing too, and she had some qualities that i really admire and i believe everyone deserves a second chance. told the new girl about my situation back on new years eve, we kept it chill like friends for a month but are now dating again. thing is, the ex wants to hang out too. she even sent me a valentine w/ some good words in it...i'm not being a "player" with any of these girls, just kissing, holdin hands type of stuff...is this wrong?? gonna come back and bite me in the butt? i havent talked to the new girl about my ex since our initial jan conversation, even though i still see my ex from time to time, every couple of weeks or so...does she need to know again as time progresses - i already told her my deal... everything is so new and great now...but i know thats b/c its a new relationship...and i'm afraid to throw away three years of great memories on something new...i mean, i was going to propose to my ex if we made it through this year good...but we didnt...b/c i'm sure down the line when this new girl grows up and gets a responsible job like my ex some things will come back to be the same...but we really do click, quite well, on more areas than my ex and i did...hot damn this is quite the mess and i have no clue what to do...
clynn Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Aaaah, I really feely badly for you. I've been in a long term relationship, some time ago. But over the last number of years, I seem to keep finding myself in a situation with guys who have recently broken up with a girl. I now have made a vow to stay away from that like the plague because they keep going back to the Ex!!!! But that is just me and every situation is different. Sounds like you care about both of them. And, really, you probably are right --- long term relationships do come with their hardships and right now of course the new one is fun and good, but don't they all get difficult with time. (but deepar more meaningful, etc.). I don't know. I think you should let the new girl know you are still seeing your ex. I think? Geeze, I don't know. If you told me, I'd break it off and tell you good luck and to work on the existing relationship. But that's me. Once (only its like 3 times) bitten.... OR....better, yet, tell both girls you just want to be friends. Really now it is YOU that needs the time to sort things out. And be honest about that and why. Which it sounds is kind of like what you are doing anyhow, only still with kissing and stuff. All I can say is that I hope one way or another the obvious answer will present itself for you...? ALl the best, keep us posted. (Wow, I didn't help too much). Basically it sounds like you're a good bloke. Continue being honest and try to follow your heart.
FoShizzleMyNizzle Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 I was in the situation like this. It's like comparing apples to oranges. My ex and me kept in contact after breakup as I was seeing this new girl. I liked sex a lot more with my ex than the new girl. The ex was a much better conversationalist than the new girl. But, the new girl communicated with me more often than the other and would volunteer to setup dates or even give me rides/pay for some things during dates. She grew up in a nice home and had a lot of friends. My Ex was the opposite. So basically I had one girl the opposite of the other, as an Introvert myself - it'd probably make it easier on relationship terms/communication terms to be with someone who is an extrovert - even though the conversations may somewhat be more flat - I don't mind because I'm in a more stable relationship than prior. So I made a decision to trade off the better sex/conversation for more agreeableness/communication. It's always good to be back with familiar, only if they had made changes that were part of the problems - but most likely one person will improve while the other stays there. I improved and I wanted more. Do what you want, but I'd make the ex your friend and date the new girl. Oh btw, your ex may not be totally interested in you. She probably is after she suspects/or knows that you have your eye on a new girl. Girls are horrible (and some guys) and will woo you away from the new girl and then drop you cold once they have you.
clynn Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Good point, FoShizzleMyNizzle. Your ex-gf, alwaysrunnin, dated people when you guys broke up, so it sounds as though it might not be as clear cut as you think. Just because she is busy and confused, though it could be. Just be cautious. And honest and respectful towards the new girl cuz you don't want to tick her off.
Debo Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 alwaysrunnin, from my experience I would really get to know the new girl and see how it goes. I had a similar experience and the new girl I was seeing didn't wait around while I was still holding on to my ex. Of course, after about two months, my ex was gone again. And I was left with nothing. I really believe once that seal is broken, it will never be the same.
Author alwaysrunnin Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 thanks yall... i dont think my ex is playing games...we've been honest...she told me what she did and who she was dating (i didnt ask i just played along as if nothing was wrong and then she told me), as did i...at one point she wanted to get back with me (new years) - said she thought of me constantly, loved me still, how she cried herself to sleep at night (and she was sincere, she was crying in my arms over christmas time telling me this)- but at that point i just couldnt jump right back into this relationship b/c of what she did to me, and b/c of the new girl. so we both kinda missed the boat and now we're both in this lull, both kinda hesitant... the problem with the ex is that she is about 1 hour away, and we're both very busy and probably dont have the time to repair this relationship...i could see her maybe once a week or so, if i'm lucky...i might be moving kinda far away next year for grad school and she is hesistant to start something up again with that thought in mind...our problems were not that big, in retrospect, they shouldnt have been blown up they way they were... on the other hand, the new girl is only about a half away, and i see her much more often, and since she shares most of the same hobbies as i do, we go along and do these together...and we dont have any problems yet, of course, i think that is partially a result of me being more mature, relationship-wise, 3 years down the line from when i first met my ex... funny thing is, the ex and the new girl are pretty similar. both from good homes, college educated, one is going to be a lawyer, the other a teacher...conversationally, the new girl is a better - i mean, my ex was great, we never really had a lull either, but i took a 12 hour car trip w/ just her when i first met her to go snowboarding and it wasnt awkward at all...and she laughs a lot more just that the few problems i had with my ex this new girl doesnt have, so she is really great...she is 3 years older than me, but doesnt look or act it, so it doesnt really matter...i dont think... i did tell the new girl my situation 1.5 months ago, but since we started dating again i havent brought up the ex...the more i hang out with the new girl, the more i want to chill with her...and i've only seen the ex maybe 3 times? since new years...but i still think about my ex and get sad when i think about how were not going to do our summer trips and all that... oh well...time will work this out i guess, or maybe admission to a faraway school...any more advice would be appreciated thanks
clynn Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Wow. Tough deal. Wish I had those problems. Course I would be stressed right out if I did!!! Time will tell .... Keep us posted.
FoShizzleMyNizzle Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 keep your ex as a friend and your new girl as a girlfriend. you have a better chance of getting a relationship with this new girl than your ex. unless your ex is like all of the sudden groveling to you and willing to setup dates with you and such (which girls in this age of post feminism should do.) then all you should be doing is being her friend but not a real friend. men must have the upperhand in a relationship at all times.
clynn Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 Originally posted by FoShizzleMyNizzle (which girls in this age of post feminism should do.) then all you should be doing is being her friend but not a real friend. men must have the upperhand in a relationship at all times. ???????????? I don't get it. Which girls in this age of post feminisim SHOULD DO? grovel and set up dates?
clynn Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 Originally posted by FoShizzleMyNizzle (which girls in this age of post feminism should do.) then all you should be doing is being her friend but not a real friend. men must have the upperhand in a relationship at all times. ???????????? I don't get it. Which girls in this age of post feminisim SHOULD DO? grovel and set up dates? explain...
Author alwaysrunnin Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 still the same drama...the more i hang out w/ the new one, the more i'm feelin her...but its so so hard to let go of a 3 year relationship, and to think of what could've been...especially when you know things could work out again one day...its like, why did she have to call new years eve and want to get back together, but i wasnt ready?? its hard when either one wont let go all the way...i mean, how can you? we were really good, were best friends for 3 years and did everything together, we just tripped out w/ miscommunication the past couple of weeks of our relationship and it all fell apart...guess i'll just go w/ the flow and be friends with the ex and date this girl and see where life takes me...
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