ThursdayChild Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone I have a question. I am super angry at a friend for some comments she made that I've mentioned in another post. Just a bit of background as to what she said: I am the maid of honor in a wedding 2 weeks after my due date. She and I were talking about it and she asked how I was going to do that and that it was cool of the bride to have a backup plan in case I can't make it. I asked her why wouldn't I be able to make it? Her response: "you're having a baby. What if you have a c section? Most people would consider that before making such a huge commitment". Fast forward a few days later and she contacts me asking if I got her baby gift. Her husband had handed it to me a month or 2 earlier at another event and I didn't have time to open it but thanked him when he handed it to me. I told her "yes and I already thanked you." Her response: "If getting gifts is such an inconvenience I won't bother you anymore with them" or something to that effect. A few weeks after that I saw her at an event. She and her husband came up to say hi to me and I refused to speak to her and walked away. A few days later I decided to be the bigger person and invite her to the wedding shower I was hosting and she declined. I am still so angry at what she said to me. I feel like getting back at her! She has confided to me in the past that she has some issues and drama with a couple of mutual friends that she is now all buddy-buddy with. Would it just make me look bad if I told the friends this or showed them her emails to me where she says things about them? I'd love your honest opinions. Thanks so much Edited June 20, 2014 by ThursdayChild
Yasuandio Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 (edited) Don't do anything petty like showing emails where she confided in you. It makes you look like a rattlesnake, and it is bad, evil sort of act that is out of proportion. You'll never be able to take those email comments back - and they were meant to be heard by others. Don't do that. Turn the other cheek. Be a bigger woman. That is always the beast choice. Her head is all up into her man right now. Weddings, they are all about me, me, me. Forget about her till the honeymoon period wears off and real life sinks in again. Then she'll be calling you with blah blah complaints about the guy. Yas Edited June 20, 2014 by Yasuandio 2
Author ThursdayChild Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Oh just to clarify it's not her wedding I am in but thanks for your comment!
Tiger Lily Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I am the maid of honor in a wedding 2 weeks after my due date. She and I were talking about it and she asked how I was going to do that and that it was cool of the bride to have a backup plan in case I can't make it. I asked her why wouldn't I be able to make it? Her response: "you're having a baby. What if you have a c section? Most people would consider that before making such a huge commitment". I agree with your friend. You never know how you'll be after having a baby. Fast forward a few days later and she contacts me asking if I got her baby gift. Her husband had handed it to me a month or 2 earlier at another event and I didn't have time to open it but thanked him when he handed it to me. I told her "yes and I already thanked you." Her response: "If getting gifts is such an inconvenience I won't bother you anymore with them" or something to that effect. I agree with your friend. You received a gift, and the polite thing would be to send a thank you in a reasonable amount of time...to her. Thanking the husband isn't really the same thing. Do you really think he was the one responsible for getting the gift? No. You need to tell the one who got you the present (your friend). You didn't say a thing to her, much less even open the gift! A few weeks after that I saw her at an event. She and her husband came up to say hi to me and I refused to speak to her and walked away. You were being very immature here. You should be apologizing to her, imo, for how you acted. Why would she want to go to a shower to help you out after this? I am still so angry at what she said to me. I feel like getting back at her! She has confided to me in the past that she has some issues and drama with a couple of mutual friends that she is now all buddy-buddy with. Would it just make me look bad if I told the friends this or showed them her emails to me where she says things about them? I'd love your honest opinions. Thanks so much I agree with the poster above. Definitely not a good move. OP, I think you're being unreasonable. You've had your share of offenses in this, and I think the first step would be to apologize for those things, and then hope the relationship could move forward. NOT to passive-aggressively try to "get back at her". That's very immature. You're a mother (or will be soon)...time to leave the childish ways behind. 8
stillafool Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 You never sent her a thank you note for the gift nor did you thank her in person. I think your friendship with her is over. It is more important to invite who the bride wants at her wedding shower than people you want there. Considering the way you spoke to this so called friend of yours I would think you would be glad she declined the invitation. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Her comment about the wedding was insensitive but it wasn't friendship ending imo. Your failure to send a written thank you note was a breech of etiquette. She called you on it (which wasn't polite either) but your reaction was a bit over the top. Neither of you are nurturing this friendship. It doesn't seem to mean much to you so you might as well stop putting any effort into it. Be polite if you bump into each other but nothing more is required. As for getting revenge, living well is the best revenge. Spilling her confidences makes her into a victim & shows you to be an awful person. It does more damage to you then her. 6
sene21 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Hi everyone I have a question. I am super angry at a friend for some comments she made that I've mentioned in another post. Just a bit of background as to what she said: I am the maid of honor in a wedding 2 weeks after my due date. She and I were talking about it and she asked how I was going to do that and that it was cool of the bride to have a backup plan in case I can't make it. I asked her why wouldn't I be able to make it? Her response: "you're having a baby. What if you have a c section? Most people would consider that before making such a huge commitment". Fast forward a few days later and she contacts me asking if I got her baby gift. Her husband had handed it to me a month or 2 earlier at another event and I didn't have time to open it but thanked him when he handed it to me. I told her "yes and I already thanked you." Her response: "If getting gifts is such an inconvenience I won't bother you anymore with them" or something to that effect. A few weeks after that I saw her at an event. She and her husband came up to say hi to me and I refused to speak to her and walked away. A few days later I decided to be the bigger person and invite her to the wedding shower I was hosting and she declined. I am still so angry at what she said to me. I feel like getting back at her! She has confided to me in the past that she has some issues and drama with a couple of mutual friends that she is now all buddy-buddy with. Would it just make me look bad if I told the friends this or showed them her emails to me where she says things about them? I'd love your honest opinions. Thanks so much DOOOOOON'T BOTHER GETTING HER BACK,I'M SURE THEY WILL SEE THE REAL HER EVENTUALLY. Females like that are what we call catty and you do not want to be in that category. I'm surprised you haven't set her straight yet being that your hormonal, because when I was pregnant every slick comment would set me off. Its best to have a upper hand and on her, and the best way to do that is by letting her continue with her antics alone so when you guys do speak, you will be the only one with things she has done, there will be no back and forth. If you come back at her, you are now leveling the playing field. Women tend to sit on issues for to long without resolving them, especially when it comes to friends. If it was me, I wouldve confront her about her ways now and she still sees nothing wrong with them she would be cut out my life. When someone shows you who they are believe them!
AnneT1985 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Am I the only one who thinks OP is starting to sound obsessively jealous of this woman? Sorry OP I don't often let loose on people like this- but other than what COULD be perceived as some slightly abrasive but otherwise completely harmless and logical questions this woman did absolutely nothing wrong to you. Nothing to call her out on. If you don't want to be friends with her, leave her alone. But your behavior is very unstable. If your friendship is over, leave her be. Do not try and seek revenge, say hello when you see her as she had the respect to do to you. This entire thing is only hurting you. If you are jealous she gets along better with your friends, that's perfectly OK but there is nothing wrong with it and the way to solve it is like donnivain said...live well. Nourish YOUR relationship with them. Otherwise I'd say just leave this lady alone as she has to you. 7
MidwestUSA Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I'm with you Anne. We've been thru two separate incidents (now combined into one thread) in which OP has been exceptionally rude and lacking etiquette. I'm not even going to comment here, my responses stand in the other threads. None of the advice we gave her was taken into consideration. This friendship's dead, y'all (had to toss that in there, Anne ) 5
preraph Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I realize the internet has made people think they can use Facebook for everything, but receiving one-way gifts such as baby gifts requires a written formal thank you. Maybe you already did that and left that part out. Her comments about the wedding, well, every bride is nervous leading up to it, and it's true you could be totally unable to attend. I really can't imagine what you are so mad at her about, just reading what you said she said and did. Just sayin. 1
Tayla Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Tigerlily gave such a diplomatic response. Donnivan- i disagree that broaching a topic of whether A gift was received and acknowledge is an etiquette faux pas. Its absolutely acceptable to ask if they got it and did they like it or not. It opens the recipient to formally apologize for not sending a card and thanking the giver. The OP seems sensitive and stressed. 1
Author ThursdayChild Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 thanks everyone i'll have to get over this one 2
whichwayisup Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Apologize to her about the gift, let her know that you passed on the thanks to her husband and assumed he'd tell her, but also mention that you should have directly thanked her as well. As for the wedding comments, let it slide. It really is not her business either way actually since it isn't her wedding.
Author ThursdayChild Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 Hey everyone, and thanks. So I decided to let it all slide and emailed her to see what was up. She did not respond. Should I just let this friendship go?
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Hey everyone, and thanks. So I decided to let it all slide and emailed her to see what was up. She did not respond. Should I just let this friendship go? Yes. She isn't much of a friend. Seems she has a big mouth and says stuff without thinking, butts in when it's not her place to etc.. Focus on your other friends and forget her.
MidwestUSA Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Hey everyone, and thanks. So I decided to let it all slide and emailed her to see what was up. She did not respond. Should I just let this friendship go? Yes, for now. Let her be the one to revisit it, if she so desires.
stillafool Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Hey everyone, and thanks. So I decided to let it all slide and emailed her to see what was up. She did not respond. Should I just let this friendship go? Definitely let it go. Me thinks she has already let you go. Forget it and move on.
AnneT1985 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Absolutely. I'm sorry-I don't think she wants to be friends any longer it appears. And let this be a learning experience for you throughout your life in dealing with others. Good luck!!
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