edgygirl Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I miss him so much that I wish I could stop feeling. I wish I could be sedated and not feel anything and just wake up on the day I'm over him. I'm not into substances that sedate people, but right now I wish I had something with me. I don't even feel like keep living anymore It's been 18 days. I had NC for 10 days. I also tried to go out and be with friends these 10 days so I didn't feel the pain. We've been together for only four months but very intense ones. Then something significant happened and I broke NC, sending an update on something we've discussed during the breakup talk. I know, I know. Since then we've exchanged a few emails back and forth. Then I realized I had to grieve although I didn't want to. I did grieve over the last weekend, listening to sad music etc. But it doesn't feel less intense than before and I'm really frustrated. Today was probably the worst day of them all. I've been talking with other people and there's this super caring guy, the opposite of my ex. But it turns my stomach to think about dating other people. Should I force myself to go on dates and meet other people? I don't want to be grieving for too long
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 It's hard but there are no magic bullets. Hang in there. Keep leaning on your friends for support
jbelle6 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Don't force yourself. Just do things you enjoy, dating can come later. Keep going out with your friends. It does get better. You haven't been no contact very long and you just have to give it time. I did find doing something active helped my moods. Also find movies or TV series you missed and have marathons where you don't even have to think, nothing too deep. I love to read but just couldn't at first. I would also avoid the sad songs!!! Blythe dolls are my favorites so I love your profile pic. 1
Author edgygirl Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Thanks d0nnivain... I wish there was a formula for doing it right. Perhaps NC and forcing yourself to date is the best way? Not sure how and how long I should grieve either... Is it even necessary?
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Grieving is necessary. Tears are cathartic. It's Friday. At least take the weekend. You will know you are ready to date again when you realize you can't remember the last time you thought about the EX. That doesn't mean you can't put on your best party outfit, make yourself look HOT this weekend & flirt your a$$ off.
Author edgygirl Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 thanks jbelle6 and thank you also for reminding to be active. I am not that sportsy or anything but I agree it can help release the tension. you're also right about watching things... could get my mind out of it. Blythe Don't force yourself. Just do things you enjoy, dating can come later. Keep going out with your friends. It does get better. You haven't been no contact very long and you just have to give it time. I did find doing something active helped my moods. Also find movies or TV series you missed and have marathons where you don't even have to think, nothing too deep. I love to read but just couldn't at first. I would also avoid the sad songs!!! Blythe dolls are my favorites so I love your profile pic.
Author edgygirl Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Once I had a grief situation that lasted 2-3 years so I'm not sure I can wait that much again so for obvious reasons I am afraid of grieving and getting stuck there. Although I like to think I know better. Perhaps just flirting and meeting people will help indeed. I'm in the best shape I've ever been in my life so it shouldn't be that hard
jbelle6 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Once I had a grief situation that lasted 2-3 years so I'm not sure I can wait that much again so for obvious reasons I am afraid of grieving and getting stuck there. Although I like to think I know better. Perhaps just flirting and meeting people will help indeed. I'm in the best shape I've ever been in my life so it shouldn't be that hard I have to meet new people too, not even just dates, but friends, I'm pretty new to my city so have felt a bit lonely here. I don't think that helps at all so I'm working on it! Too true about the tension, when I get that sinking feeling I do some kickboxing or something. It doesn't fix everything but does feel good for a few hours after at least. It's so hard. 1
Strength in Healing Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Embrace the pain. Remember to run towards it, not away from it. Accept it, take a deep breath when you feel it, and see it for what it is. The pain is making you stronger, every minute, every day. A lot of people don't know this, but dreaming about your ex is actually a GOOD thing -- it is your brain processing the loss and accepting it, and letting the ex leave your head. It sucks for the next day, but ultimately, it is a great thing. Stay strong. 1
Smarty Pants Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 It won't take you 2-3 years to get over this one. Don't even think about that. Worrying about the future can set you back and it isn't healthy. I don't look at grieving as making yourself sad i.e. listening to sad songs, watching sad movies. That will probably make the pain worse. Think of it as when the sadness hits you, don't ignore but embrace it. Have a cry, wipe your tears, and continue with your day. Cheers. p.s. I'm American but I think it's awesome that people say cheers 1
Author edgygirl Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Thank you. I am in doubt really if i should embrace the pain. I just want it to go away. It's like you got into my head because I've been trying to avoid thinking about him but then he always pops up in my dreams :/ And yes, the next day is always super sad and hard on me Embrace the pain. Remember to run towards it, not away from it. Accept it, take a deep breath when you feel it, and see it for what it is. The pain is making you stronger, every minute, every day. A lot of people don't know this, but dreaming about your ex is actually a GOOD thing -- it is your brain processing the loss and accepting it, and letting the ex leave your head. It sucks for the next day, but ultimately, it is a great thing. Stay strong.
Zahara Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 18 days since the break-up and 10 days NC. It's still very fresh and raw. The only way to get past it is to go through it. There is no other way. It won't just go away. There is no instant fix. You can date but most likely, you'd end up comparing every man you meet to your ex and it's going to make you feel worse. You'll keep reliving your loss. I'd hold off on the dating until you're able to allow the experience to be a positive rather than a negative. And most times, when you date when you are hurting, you end up filling that void with the wrong people because your judgement is skewed and your motive is stemming from a bad place. Embrace it. It's there. And it's going to be there for awhile. Allow the process to work itself out. Face it. You'll emerge stronger and wiser.
Author edgygirl Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Thank you Zahara. I only been NC for the first 10 days, and then broke in and wrote him a week ago. Yesterday was the last email I sent him and I hope not to send more as I think I said what I wanted to in this last one I am comparing everyone to him... and they don't get even close to his good qualities. He had bad qualities too, mainly interpersonal... not really good with emotions in general so that's easier to find on others. I feel I'm already stronger and wiser from previous breakups... I didn't need one more :/ 18 days since the break-up and 10 days NC. It's still very fresh and raw. The only way to get past it is to go through it. There is no other way. It won't just go away. There is no instant fix. You can date but most likely, you'd end up comparing every man you meet to your ex and it's going to make you feel worse. You'll keep reliving your loss. I'd hold off on the dating until you're able to allow the experience to be a positive rather than a negative. And most times, when you date when you are hurting, you end up filling that void with the wrong people because your judgement is skewed and your motive is stemming from a bad place. Embrace it. It's there. And it's going to be there for awhile. Allow the process to work itself out. Face it. You'll emerge stronger and wiser.
Zahara Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I feel I'm already stronger and wiser from previous breakups... I didn't need one more :/ So, that would be a strong indication that you will get over this as well and it won't always be this way. No one ever needs another break-up, but unfortunately, relationships are never a guarantee. They're risks that we all take in hopes that they one day pay off.
Elle1975 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I miss him so much that I wish I could stop feeling. I wish I could be sedated and not feel anything and just wake up on the day I'm over him. I'm not into substances that sedate people, but right now I wish I had something with me. I don't even feel like keep living anymore It's been 18 days. I had NC for 10 days. I also tried to go out and be with friends these 10 days so I didn't feel the pain. We've been together for only four months but very intense ones. Then something significant happened and I broke NC, sending an update on something we've discussed during the breakup talk. I know, I know. Since then we've exchanged a few emails back and forth. Then I realized I had to grieve although I didn't want to. I did grieve over the last weekend, listening to sad music etc. But it doesn't feel less intense than before and I'm really frustrated. Today was probably the worst day of them all. I've been talking with other people and there's this super caring guy, the opposite of my ex. But it turns my stomach to think about dating other people. Should I force myself to go on dates and meet other people? I don't want to be grieving for too long I wouldn't date just yet. You're not ready. Maybe you should get to know the guy as friends first.
Author edgygirl Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 He just replied my last email I had answered his last email by telling him about the realization I had on why we went wrong in the last month. Different personality types (MBTI) I'm a feeler he's a thinker and me not understanding how he showed affection and that he liked me. He just showed it in a different way than I'm used to. He answered and agreed with everything I said... (rare for him to talk about this and feelings). Also pointed out about him being afraid about my fertility (which I knew all along) as I'm older. He confirmed in the email that he didn't understand why I thought he didn't like me when he spent all that time with me. I'm not sure if he'll come around to realize he misses me and what we had. He said in the email that he knows what we clearly had something great. But is it enough for him to want to try again after we take a break? :/ I hear we only start to really move on when we believe there's no chance for reconciliation. But I can't lie to myself and say I don't wish he realizes it's worth trying again
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