Rollercoaster Rider Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I have posted my story on here already. A little background info.. Back in December, we went NC for 9 weeks and he showed up out of nowhere. We talked for another two months basically like friends i guess, although he still called 5 times a day. Anyways, I was going through some medical issues. It was a scary time, I had to go see a surgeon the last day we talked. I remember that conversation because he never once said Good Luck... hope all goes well... NOTHING. That was the day the light switch was turned off to him. I was completely sick to see his true colors shining that way. I am sure they were always there, but on this day I was AWAKE.. my eyes were wide open. That was the day I decided to disappear. I never called him after that, no explanation, nothing... he showed up looking for me at my friends job about 6 weeks ago and also called and left me a message. I didn't respond. I don't owe him a thing... he doesn't get my respect anymore. With that being said... I go back to reading my older posts and think how pathetic I was at that time. Who was that person... I don't know her. I have shame for my actions, the way I treated my husband, and the total disregard for myself. I haven't lived my own life in 4 years... I remember feeling the way many of you do that are married. But, I always use to think can I feel for my husband the way I once did...or should feel? That was so scary for me. I never thought I would feel the same way about the life I once knew. But... you can find happiness again! I promise that with some work it is possible. Honestly, I haven't felt this close to my husband in years. No, he doesn't know about the affair... and I really don't care to be bashed for not telling him... I made my decision and that is what I have decided to do. I live with the shame and guilt everyday for my actions. I think once my wall started to come down, he has changed- I have changed. I feel more like myself, alive and aware! Since I have stopped talking to the POS MOM... things have only been going good. I feel like my bad Karma is gone and the good has come back. Things have been truly amazing! I don't look for phone calls, texts, nothing. I don't have any desire to hear from him or see him. It is the best feeling. It feels like I have been released from hell. I still go to IC once a month to keep myself in check. Which I think is a good thing. I just wanted to share because I come on here and read so many stories of people who feel the way I did. And I really feel like it is possible for everyone to be the person they once were...and be happy again 4
gettingstronger Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Not going to rain on your parade with what you have in bold but did want to say congrats on being a better you and all the growth and self reflection. 1
Author Rollercoaster Rider Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Not going to rain on your parade with what you have in bold but did want to say congrats on being a better you and all the growth and self reflection. Thank you for that.... 1
Patna Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Thanks for sharing, and I hope my R with my H will see some progress soon. How long ago was it since your last contact with him, and how long did it took for you to not miss him enough to affect your life anymore after NC?
Speakingofwhich Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Just want to congratulate you on getting it together! Fantastic to read this!
Author Rollercoaster Rider Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 It has been 8 weeks, 3 days since our last brief conversation. And 6 weeks since he last contacted me, left me a voicemail telling me that he was okay with me wanting to move on..Lmao...like I was giving him a choice. Honestly, he stopped affecting me the day I decided not to call him anymore, or take his phone calls. I didn't care anymore, I had enough and was ready for him to leave me alone! This wasn't our first NC... the first time I wanted so badly for him to contact me. And when he did...it was the same old BS. I was done, and tired of feeling so badly about it all. I wanted ME back. I think when I stopped putting him on a pedestal, and seen what he really truly was...that's when the switch flipped. My MOM was a manipulative selfish bastard...who was only out for himself...like most are. And it was always all about him. When you realize that...your eyes will start to open, the rose colored glasses come off...and your awakening occurs. I would be a liar to say he doesn't cross my mind still daily, but it's mostly disgust that I feel. There is no feeling of missing him..I can promise you that. Thanks for sharing, and I hope my R with my H will see some progress soon. How long ago was it since your last contact with him, and how long did it took for you to not miss him enough to affect your life anymore after NC? 1
gettingstronger Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Keep on keeping on. Sometimes it's not where you've been that matters, it's where you're heading!
rockland45 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Well, thank you for sharing how things have improved in your marriage. I'm glad you're feeling better about how things are going in your life. And I'll definitely be praying for you and your husband, that you'll continue to grow closer together and build a stronger marriage! 1
Soverysad123 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Amazing post and so lovely to hear. I am so pleased for you and wish you all the happiness in the world.
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