confuzed23 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 A thread to rant and release, please add yours I'm sure we will all find it therapeutic...... #@$! You for continually pushing me away than pulling me in #@$! You for saying how much you love me, making me believe it than ripping it right out from under my feet when the going got tough #@$! You for giving me scraps, making me feel second best or less and stringing me along to 2 ½ years #@$! You for getting upset anytime someone comes along in my life, when you know if I had my choice I’d have been with you and the whole time you have in fact been with someone else #@$! You for hiding me and our love which I thought and you claimed to be so true #@$! You for all the drama and heartache you have caused me over the last 2 1/2 years #@$! You for making me hate your husband when in fact it is him I feel sorry for and you that I should feel that way towards #@$! You for countless sleepless nights while you went on to play happy home as if it were nothing 4
gettingstronger Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I'm a BS but I like that you're taking back your power. Rant on! 4
endingpage Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) I had a really hard time with my exMM, was on a constant rollercoaster of emotions for the better part of a year, also would have done anything for him at the time, and still think about him daily (working on that), but you know what the most therapeutic part of it was? Realizing that, even though it hurts now, I dodged a bullet. I am free and not tied down to where I don't want to be. I like myself better knowing I am no longer helping someone betray his wife. And I feel better about not settling for scraps anymore. I hit my anger phase too and I thought it would help me get over him faster (it seems to help a lot of people), but it didn't, not like I wanted. I didn't want to be so angry all the time. We were good friends before and even though he hurt me over and over for a year, I didn't want to hate him. He even told me later that he thought me being angry at him was better than me being sad, but I think it's almost as bad. We cannot be friends ever again, but I can honestly say I feel no ill will to my exMM, maybe just some disappointment, but no anger. I know I must be doing something right because I am feeling better and starting to smile (genuinely) again. Despite this, I also now believe that Time doesn't heal all wounds, it's just that it allows scar tissue to form so the pain is less. But the wounds never go away. I think about how exMM's BW would feel if she knew, how I felt for the better part of a year, all of it. That's the ONE good thing that has come out of this mess: I will never ever ever do this to another person or to myself again, and I can sleep better knowing that. :-) always keep believing you deserve happiness and you are in charge of creating it. That has worked really well for me, dunno why I hit this stumbling block with exMM lol (that was self-destructive!), but keep swimming, keep swimming. Best wishes to everyone in pain. Edited June 19, 2014 by endingpage 4
Author confuzed23 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 I'm a BS but I like that you're taking back your power. Rant on! I should clarify in my situation I was married, truly in a bad marriage which has since ended. No matter what happens with the situation with the MW I know I made the right decision. She was supposedly in an awful marriage as well as was going to leave when we she started with me. Needless to say I was telling the truth and maybe she was not, more likely not since it has been 2 1/2 years now. I would never do anything like this again and feel bad for the BS, it was at a time for me that my feelings were already developed for her.....perhaps under false pretense. Anyway I don't meant to diminish the hurt that a BS feels, I know it is very real. We are all humans and all have feelings and in situations like this sadly there is rarely a "winner".
gettingstronger Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 No need to explain. I was merely expressing delight that you are regaining power over you. You are learning to see the downside for you in the situation and will no longer settle for anything but the best you that you can be.
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