spritz Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Hey everyone, Ok so I really need advice on my current situation at the moment so I'll start from the beginning. There's this guy at work who I've had a thing for, for a few years. Now a few months ago he walked past me and said "hello", and all I could do was smile as I'm quite shy around him. I felt it was rude of me so emailed an apology and ever since we've been emailing each other throughout the working day. A month after this I was very brave and asked him out, he very politely declined for reasons he did not say and I gave him the option if he changed his mind. Now I've been getting a little flirty with him (not expecting any response at all), and he even said my flirtations are getting very brave as of course previously I have been shy. There is no way I'm pressuring him to reconsider going out on one date, I was just wondering whether his acknowledgement of my flirting is a good sign and if it's likely (in the long run) to change things between us?
preraph Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 No. He declined without excuses, so it's not going anywhere and probably you'll just end up making him a little uncomfortable if you keep up the flirting. If he had any interest or some good reason to say no, he'd have asked you out later. 3
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 No chance at all. His 'your flirtations are getting brave' is a code for a) you're making him uncomfortable and b) you're embarrassing yourself. It's a subtle way to get you to tone it down. He blatantly isn't interested or he'd have made a move by now. The fact he didn't even tell you why he wasn't interested is a sure-fire sign he really isn't, it's not even a 'sorry, I'd love to have gone out sometime but I'm married' it's just 'no, I'm not interested'. He probably don't really know how to stop this, and because you're a workmate you're at risk of a sexual harassment discussion with HR. I'm sure he has nothing against you and so wouldn't want to get you into trouble, but he probably has no idea how to actually stop you from flirting overtly with him in the workplace and can't work out why you're still doing it when he's made it clear he isn't interested. But be careful, it may get to a point where he realises how risky it is in the working environment to be engaging in this kind of interaction and ends up approaching HR for advice. Cut out the flirting, and get on with your job, for your own dignity if for no other reason! Sorry to be so harsh but I'm not sure you'd see what I was saying any other way. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Nope. You need to stop flirting with him. He already declined. When he told you you're getting brave, it's likely he's trying to tell you to stop in a polite way. Take the hint and back off before it gets any more uncomfortable. 1
Assasda Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I think That they could be a good sign, depending on how he said it. It could also be a really bad sign I wonder what reasons he gave as to why he did not want to go out. in any case. Move on
J21 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 He has already declined and is aware of your invitation should he change his mind.... He hasn't given you a reason why he declined, nor did he reciprocate flirting back in any way. I think at this point he's saying "please stop" in a nice, friendly way.
starrynightz45 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 He's definitely trying to tell you to stop in a nice way, without coming out and saying "please stop." If he was interested, he would have brought it up again by now. He said no immediately when you asked - that means, for whatever reason, he's not interested.
Diezel Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 You don't think the main reason could be because it's your co-worker and he doesn't want to jeopardize his job? It's possible. And stop emailing him. You are probably using work email too. No bueno.
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Do you realize that if you are emailing during the business day especially on your employer's computers that IT is most likely reading every word you type? If you spend too much time on this. . . eventually somebody is going to fire one or both of you for not spending enough time doing your job.
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