Phillygirl27 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I've been friends with this guy, and he admitted to liking me a month or so ago, and has been pretty persistent, asking me out several times, even when I've declined(due to external reasons), and showing interest in my life, engaging in conversation with me frequently, etc. Anyway I told him I liked him earlier this week. And we saw each other briefly the other day. The weird thing, is that we've hung out a few times, and each time we've hung out, he's done subtle things, like he may put his arm around me very quickly then take it away, or sit really close to me. Or most recently, he gave me a hug right when he saw me, but then looked really uncomfortable and backed away. Sometimes he seems awkward, other times very confident and comfortable. I've wanted to make out with him, and have pretty much told him so. And so I recently sent him a teasing message saying "One of these days I'm going to figure out how to get you to kiss me." And he responded with "Well when you figure it out, you let me know"... So I was like wtf? What guy that likes someone says that. He then followed with "What do you like about me?" So I pretty much said "Wow... I've figured it out, when a guy likes a girl and wants her he will kiss her, case closed. And I can't explain why, I like you I just do." He responded with: "No that's not true for every guy. A guy can like a girl and want to kiss her and be with her but doesn't. Not every guy is the same." So I'm left trying to understand what he is talking about... I deciphered the message two ways: First was that he no longer likes me and that's why he sent that snarky response. The second was that he does like me, but doesn't have the courage to make a move. I'm unsure which one it is. And I stopped talking to him after he sent the message because honestly it was weird to me. The last two relationships he had were with girls who pursued him and asked him to their boyfriends, etc. He isn't into ONS, hook-ups, etc. And he is a pretty straight forward guy. He's sort of different, but it just doesn't make sense. Like I said when I saw him two days ago, I greeted him just expecting him to say hi, and he reached out and gave me a hug which surprised but then he looked awkward and I felt like maybe he just is weird about it all and so I just sort of backed away. Then the next day that weird conversation, and he asks me why I'm attracted to him and why I like him-almost as if he doesn't understand why I would or doesn't believe me? I don't get it, who does this? Is it a case of he no longer likes me and thats why he acted like this, or a case of him being insecure?
Strength in Healing Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Option 3 (the most likely choice): Closet homosexual
Andy_K Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I vote for massively insecure and no balls (figuratively speaking) 1
Author Phillygirl27 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Posted June 19, 2014 Option 3 (the most likely choice): Closet homosexual Wow, I don't get the gay vibe from him. He's just awkward to me. For instance he's sent me sexual text messages before, telling me he wanted to f*** the s*** out of me, and then implying that he wants to show me his member, and other things like that. Why would someone who is in the closet do that? He's 27 btw. Seems a bit old, to be still be in the closet? I guess I just don't get that vibe from him at all. He can be very alpha at times, but other times, he seems awkward and weird around me.
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 He's socially awkward. He likes you but doesn't have the confidence to do anything about it. If you like him too convey to him that he has a safe space with you or you can take the initiative.
Author Phillygirl27 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Posted June 19, 2014 I've conveyed to him that I liked him already. I don't know how to give him a safe space. I thought that was giving him a safe space. Could it be that he doesn't like me anymore?
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I've conveyed to him that I liked him already. I don't know how to give him a safe space. I thought that was giving him a safe space. Could it be that he doesn't like me anymore? I know you did. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for him. 99/100 men would have kissed you when you said one of these days you were going to figure out how to get him to kiss you. He has such little faith in himself he doesn't believe your words. How do you feel about kissing him first?
Strength in Healing Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Well, hell, I guess there's option 4: on the autisim spectrum.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) Okay, I'm not seeing what you all seem to be seeing so perhaps I might give you another perspective. First, I think you are WAY over thinking this whole thing and making problems where there aren't any. When I read what his response was to your comment about finding a way to get him to kiss you, I actually thought it was quite cheeky. It sounds like something I might have said myself except that I would have added a wink emoticon just to add a bit more flirty flare to it. If you want me to dissect it in more detail, I'd be happy to but straight off the hop, I think he was challenging you to "find the way" aka I want to kiss you too but am too nervous to try it myself. As far as his question about what you like about him, again, I don't see that as negative but rather a guy who is more than likely a tad insecure and quite shy around women, especially those he has feelings for. His question is probably his way of breaking the ice and learning about some of the things he's doing RIGHT and that seem to have captured your attention. Anyways, I could go on and on about this but the end result is that (1) I'd put money down that he does indeed like you but just feels painfully awkward and shy about taking it to the next step and (2) STOP killing this with all the over analyzing already. If you really want to know what how he feels about you, let him know it. Maybe start by asking him what HE likes about YOU. Some guys are just very passive when it comes to women and dating. At the same time, you might have to reign it in a bit so as not to scare him off if he has a history of being skidish with aggressive women. Have fun with it. Good luck. Edited June 19, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 2
Assasda Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I think he's really deep down an isecure guy, but he's trying to be more confident. So he's doing confident things, then not know how to follow up. -He then follows up with insecure things. Hopefully he'll figure it out
J21 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I think he's just socially awkward... the fact that someone likes him and is interested in him makes him push back (hence awkward comments). He needs to learn to things in stride and take a more confident approach.
Orange floor Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 aged 27; his responses and actions maybe say something about his childhood years and his teens. You might want to try if you want a relationship with him to understand more about him and why he is so obviously insecure. How he relates to his parent/parents - his siblings. What things motivate him. I think it a little peculiar that he misses the strong hint you want him to kiss you and then sends you sex texts and wants to show you his todger . There is something going on in this guys head - is he a virgin - i only ask that in the context of his immature texts at 27. You need to tread carefully in my view.
RachR Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) And he is a pretty straight forward guy. He's so straight forward he says things indirectly and not straightforward. lol I'm with the others in thinking he's just really insecure. (And usually insecure people who can't just come out and say something will say things in a roundabout way, like the stuff you posted.) Edited June 19, 2014 by RachR 1
Strength in Healing Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Mark my words, EVERYONE IN THIS TOPIC. Asbergers.
spiderowl Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I get the impression he's shy and then says what he's thinking then finds he can't follow up in person because he starts to doubt whether you really like him. He knows he's encouraged you and now all of a sudden you are responding and he's wondering if you really do like him or are just playing a game with him. I think he's probably quite serious about you and wants some indication that you see him as an individual and not just some guy who's been flirting with you. If you want this guy, continue to be encouraging and warm and maybe not quite so cheeky as that might flip him into thinking you are just having fun with him.
Author Phillygirl27 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Thanks everyone for the input. He is definitely weird at times. He is different from other guys I dated. And friends who I've talked to about him have also asked if he had aspergers. He is an attractive guy and has had a lot of girls throw themselves at him, when we were just friends he would show me texts and selfies that random girls sent to him. They were all attractive too. So he doesn't have a reason to be insecure IMO. I have been told that I'm very attractive but so are the girls that have thrown themselves at him. He's also far from a Virgin. When we were friends lol, he bragged that he had good d*** etc. He's also had girlfriends. As I said they all pursued him and had to ask him out but he's had sexual experience. He also had ons and fwbs when he was in college. He just isn't into that anymore. He just said that he's cautious and won't just do it with any girl. All in all I don't see why he would be insecure and why he's questioning how I could be attracted to him. Before we became friends I kind had a feeling he was attracted to me because he would always stare at me with this nervous look then look away when I would catch him. It's beyond weird tbh. He acts very alpha at times and other times not so much. He's like a 6 ft super muscular professional attractive guy. I just don't get it lol. 1
Emilia Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Thanks everyone for the input. He is definitely weird at times. He is different from other guys I dated. And friends who I've talked to about him have also asked if he had aspergers. He is an attractive guy and has had a lot of girls throw themselves at him, when we were just friends he would show me texts and selfies that random girls sent to him. They were all attractive too. So he doesn't have a reason to be insecure IMO. I have been told that I'm very attractive but so are the girls that have thrown themselves at him. He's also far from a Virgin. When we were friends lol, he bragged that he had good d*** etc. He's also had girlfriends. As I said they all pursued him and had to ask him out but he's had sexual experience. He also had ons and fwbs when he was in college. He just isn't into that anymore. He just said that he's cautious and won't just do it with any girl. All in all I don't see why he would be insecure and why he's questioning how I could be attracted to him. Before we became friends I kind had a feeling he was attracted to me because he would always stare at me with this nervous look then look away when I would catch him. It's beyond weird tbh. He acts very alpha at times and other times not so much. He's like a 6 ft super muscular professional attractive guy. I just don't get it lol. Reminds me of one of my exes. I quite like guys like him. Can't stand the smooth talking types.
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