9months unsure if she is still into me.

[soothsayerrc]

I've been dating a girl for 9 months, and don't want to seem insecure (maybe I am) , but like most people want to feel like there is progression when you put effort and time into another person.

 

She has a very demanding job, so I can see she could get busy.

We would hangout atleast 5x a week, until the last month she says it's a busy month so I haven't seen her much.

It's hard to tell if she is dating other people, because she always said, she only dates one person at a time. Not long ago, she mentioned she can't commit to anyone because she has to focus on work.

 

if I date other people, I'm sure to lose any possible chance with her.

Do I wait or talk to her about where she wants this to go?

 

I just don't want to be a plan b if she isnt interested.

 

give me some options guys!

[Gaeta]

I've been dating a girl for 9 months, and don't want to seem insecure (maybe I am) , but like most people want to feel like there is progression when you put effort and time into another person.

 

She has a very demanding job, so I can see she could get busy.

We would hangout atleast 5x a week, until the last month she says it's a busy month so I haven't seen her much.

It's hard to tell if she is dating other people, because she always said, she only dates one person at a time. Not long ago, she mentioned she can't commit to anyone because she has to focus on work.

 

if I date other people, I'm sure to lose any possible chance with her.

Do I wait or talk to her about where she wants this to go?

 

I just don't want to be a plan b if she isnt interested.

 

give me some options guys!

 

So for 8 months even though she has a very busy job she could still see you 5 times a week. Last month was a busy month I get that so how often did you get to see each other per week?

 

Other matter: She cannot commit to anyone because she needs to focus on her work BUT didn't she commit to you by seeing you 5 times a week? What's the difference?

 

After 9 months you have a honest and open conversation with her, put your cards on the table and ask her to do the same.

[soccerrprp]

I've been dating a girl for 9 months, and don't want to seem insecure (maybe I am) , but like most people want to feel like there is progression when you put effort and time into another person.

 

She has a very demanding job, so I can see she could get busy.

We would hangout atleast 5x a week, until the last month she says it's a busy month so I haven't seen her much.

It's hard to tell if she is dating other people, because she always said, she only dates one person at a time. Not long ago, she mentioned she can't commit to anyone because she has to focus on work.

 

if I date other people, I'm sure to lose any possible chance with her.

Do I wait or talk to her about where she wants this to go?

 

I just don't want to be a plan b if she isnt interested.

 

give me some options guys!

 

Nine months and you don't know if you two are exclusive??? Better safe than sorry...have your relationship clarified ASAP.

[soothsayerrc]

So for 8 months even though she has a very busy job she could still see you 5 times a week. Last month was a busy month I get that so how often did you get to see each other per week?

 

Other matter: She cannot commit to anyone because she needs to focus on her work BUT didn't she commit to you by seeing you 5 times a week? What's the difference?

 

After 9 months you have a honest and open conversation with her, put your cards on the table and ask her to do the same.

 

this last month, we saw one another maybe 2-3x

I get being busy, but it seems like text replies are long. She usually makes the effort to see me or text if I don't pursue her for a few days, but I get the feeling it's to keep me interested.

 

thanks. I'm just gonna have to force the conversation and ask regardless of seeming needy or insecure. I don't think I am, I just need to know if there is interest enough to continue with effort.

[Versacehottie]

Hmmm, realistically if she saw you 5 times a week, she has very little free time to see anyone else. Also presumably at a certain point, if she was, that guy would also be asking for exclusivity. So I think chances are it really just is you so let that build your confidence. Also she can say she is tied to her work but also to make time 5 times a week to see you--you do have a relationship even if it hasn't been labeled. She may just be scared she can't incorporate both or using work as an excuse because she is afraid of relationships per se. Definitely talk to her about and clarify things, you owe it to yourself after 9 months. Good luck although i don't think you need as someone on here has said: if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck--ie it seems like you have a relationship!

[soothsayerrc]

Hmmm, realistically if she saw you 5 times a week, she has very little free time to see anyone else. Also presumably at a certain point, if she was, that guy would also be asking for exclusivity. So I think chances are it really just is you so let that build your confidence. Also she can say she is tied to her work but also to make time 5 times a week to see you--you do have a relationship even if it hasn't been labeled. She may just be scared she can't incorporate both or using work as an excuse because she is afraid of relationships per se. Definitely talk to her about and clarify things, you owe it to yourself after 9 months. Good luck although i don't think you need as someone on here has said: if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck--ie it seems like you have a relationship!

 

thank you for the positive feedback. it helps thinking of it that way. she doesn't express herself often so it can force me to assume the worst .

[GemmaUK]

Try just believing her!

 

My job is like hers-ish.

 

I was working stupid hours and public holidays over the last few months..summer is coming and things will get easier..until about October when it gets busier again...

From March/April next year things will be crazy again for me.

 

I pay my own bills and my job will always be like this.

It's horrible when a man just thinks you are cheating when you're actually working your ass off.

It shows insecurity and a lack of respect and the one with the busy schedule can feel under a pile more pressure from the one person they should be able to count on for support and just letting them do what they need to do (which is hugely, massively. brilliantly supportive btw!!)

[Assasda]

You are needy.

My advice to you is to get some hobbies.

 

If you open your mouth and start spewing the garbage that you want to "ask" her she will surely leave you. and she'll have my blessing

[soothsayerrc]

You are needy.

My advice to you is to get some hobbies.

 

If you open your mouth and start spewing the garbage that you want to "ask" her she will surely leave you. and she'll have my blessing

 

I do have hobbies and work a ton of hours myself.

I haven't said anything, and am supportive. I just think I still put the effort in to make sure she knows I am into her and here if she has a bad day.

I am reaching out to you guys for advice rather than assuming she might not be so busy.

I am fine with space. I even like to have my own, but when dealing with a person who avoids confrontation, I think most people would wonder if something is wrong.

 

hey, even in the worse situation where she did say she lost interest or didn't see a future .. I would respect and appreciate the honesty even though it's not what I'd like to hear.

I guess I could be needy of conformation after 9 months .

Edited June 19, 2014 by soothsayerrc

[soothsayerrc]

so.. she has a new roommate 6days now, who was texting her last night when we had dinner together after not seeing or really hearing from her for a couple weeks.

she told me she was iffy about letting him rent because she remembered exchanging 3messages with him on okc, but quit talking to him. he didn't know it was her.

she is very pretty so I can accept every Guy will want to get with her. when he came to see the house he was 100 percent sure he wanted to live there lol. tools everywhere, and quite a messy house which he cleaned right away.

 

she told me what he was texting.

saying it was ok if she was on a date just let him know she is ok. not any of his business really, but I guess the lack of communication and effort to support her busy schedule has me in a funk.

She told him she is just with her friend. if I was on a date, I'd dress nice.

my car is in the shop and had to work today so she was sweet and offered to let me use her truck so we had dinner when she picked me up.

 

her other male friend who she says she doesn't like told her he has been bored and lonely, because his friends have been busy, so she told me she doesn't want to but is going to a party with him today.I wanted to say.. I go through the same lonely times but want to be supportive and not give her any stress.

 

sorry if my insecurities don't seem justified, but I'd rather ask you guys rather than make a bad move.

I don't have anyone to vent to

Edited June 22, 2014 by soothsayerrc

[guest569]

I dont think that is necessarily needy. I was in a 9 month relationship where I saw him once a week. It wasn't enough for me.. I dont think it was enough to sustain the relationship with very minimal communication. I really think you need to talk again about commitment though, it's too much to invest a 9 month relationship without knowing whether you are committed and exclusive.

[guest569]

I dont think that is necessarily needy. I was in a 9 month relationship where I saw him once a week. It wasn't enough for me.. I dont think it was enough to sustain the relationship with very minimal communication. I really think you need to talk again about commitment though, it's too much to invest a 9 month relationship without knowing whether you are committed and exclusive.

[soothsayerrc]

I dont think that is necessarily needy. I was in a 9 month relationship where I saw him once a week. It wasn't enough for me.. I dont think it was enough to sustain the relationship with very minimal communication. I really think you need to talk again about commitment though, it's too much to invest a 9 month relationship without knowing whether you are committed and exclusive.

 

 

thank you smiley. that's what I want to do

[myothernic2]

so.. she has a new roommate 6days now, who was texting her last night when we had dinner together after not seeing or really hearing from her for a couple weeks.

she told me she was iffy about letting him rent because she remembered exchanging 3messages with him on okc, but quit talking to him. he didn't know it was her.

she is very pretty so I can accept every Guy will want to get with her. when he came to see the house he was 100 percent sure he wanted to live there lol. tools everywhere, and quite a messy house which he cleaned right away.

 

she told me what he was texting.

saying it was ok if she was on a date just let him know she is ok. not any of his business really, but I guess the lack of communication and effort to support her busy schedule has me in a funk.

She told him she is just with her friend. if I was on a date, I'd dress nice.

my car is in the shop and had to work today so she was sweet and offered to let me use her truck so we had dinner when she picked me up.

 

her other male friend who she says she doesn't like told her he has been bored and lonely, because his friends have been busy, so she told me she doesn't want to but is going to a party with him today.I wanted to say.. I go through the same lonely times but want to be supportive and not give her any stress.

 

sorry if my insecurities don't seem justified, but I'd rather ask you guys rather than make a bad move.

I don't have anyone to vent to

 

Please go and find someone else. This girl is keeping you around by giving you bread crumbs every once in a while to keep you there just in case. Now she has a male roommate that she chatted with on OKC in the past?! You hadn't really talked to her for weeks and she kept texting him during the date?

 

Also, it is not needy to confirm your status with someone you've been dating for 9 months! I can't believe you are letting people put that in your head. You should have done that a long time ago.

[J21]

You seem afraid she'll leave you if you press on that "are we bf/gf" question. I'd rather know for sure something is real, than assume it is. If she leaves you for asking, then it was for the best since you won't be wasting any more time/effort/money.

[soothsayerrc]

Please go and find someone else. This girl is keeping you around by giving you bread crumbs every once in a while to keep you there just in case. Now she has a male roommate that she chatted with on OKC in the past?! You hadn't really talked to her for weeks and she kept texting him during the date?

 

Also, it is not needy to confirm your status with someone you've been dating for 9 months! I can't believe you are letting people put that in your head. You should have done that a long time ago.

 

she has had male roommates before, but I don't think she would be into any of them seeing how much she hates smoking.

she spoke to the current one on okc, and didn't want to have him move there because of it. she wasn't responding during that dinner. she was telling me what he was texting and laughing saying it's none of his business if she's on a date.

 

So I put it out there and I think I'm moving on.

she went to hangout with her male friend who got emo on her about being lonely since his friends don't hang with him or something. she said she didn't want to but felt like a bad friend.

I told her it's messed up to think being supportive vs needy pushed us apart.

i won't beg someone to see me. it has to be because she wants to or it means nothing.

she pretty much said she wants to see me and avoids the needy people.

I guessing if I wanted to see her more, I could have acted as her friend, but that is the kind of stuff which makes people have to choose between her business and significant other or friend.

 

thanks everyone. I am moving on to hopefully find someone less confusing and more open

Edited June 23, 2014 by soothsayerrc