decca45 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 My girlfriend and I broke up ten days ago and I am aching to put things right. Our situation is an unusual one, so it will require some explanation. We are both students studying abroad in Paris, and we met 18 months ago on New Years Eve. She is American and I am English. We both fell for each other immediately and became extremely close. The whole year was fantastic - we had our arguments, of course - but I ended the year by visiting her family for the first time in the United States. Our living situation was precarious due to our status as foreigners, but we managed to find a flat together in Paris to move into in January. We even got a cat together, who we both love dearly. However, the flat fell through and suddenly we were living in a hotel together, and we hadn't planned financially for this situation. To make matters worse, we had been largely relying on my girlfriends student loans to fund our living costs, and these were suddenly cut back without notice around the same time. So our dream was quickly becoming a nightmare. My girlfriend had to fly back to the US and begin work in order to save up some money again, while I moved into my friends place and struggled by there. We remained positive that we could find a new place and she could come back. Sure enough, we found a wonderful apartment using the money she had saved and whatever I could scrape together. By May I moved in with the cat and my girlfriend began her preparations to move back. However, we hit another snag; my girlfriend found it harder than she expected to renew her long term visa. Given the nature of her studies, she HAS to be in Paris for the month of July, but she would not be able to get her visa by then so she would have to RETURN to the US in order to finally get her long stay visa. So she is coming back in two weeks time before flying out at the end of July. Needless to say, it had been a stressful and painful time. However, I did not do the long distance period very well at all. I took my depression about the situation out on her; I didn't call her enough or take the time to Skype, instead overly relying on instant messaging; I didn't display my appreciation enough for all the work she was doing for us - in short, I completely took her for granted. We both bickered about who had the worst situation rather than expressing our love and grief at being apart. She became increasingly bitter and cold and resentful towards me, and this made me defensive and accusatory. We also had good periods, I should say, especially when things began to work out and we realised how stupid out arguments were. However I instigated a big argument two weeks ago over her attitude towards me, and I finally snapped and said I was going to move out of the flat before she gets back. This was off the back of a particularly bad phase, met with the news over her visa. I didn't mean it at all - I spoke completely in the heat of the moment. However, my girlfriend took this as the final straw and ended things. We've spoke once or twice since, but she says there is no chance of reconciliation. She has also listed off numerous reasons why she became so resentful: I didn't fly out to see her while she was away (I thought it was financially a bad idea given the situation); I overly relied on her finances since we've been together (true); I didn't show enough interest in her work (true both ways). When we were together, I was also often took out my insecurities on her and could become moody around her. This is perhaps what I regret the most - I keep turning those moments round in my head. So at present. I am living in our flat facing the prospect of her returning in two weeks time. I am desperate to use this time to try and convince her that we can turn this around. We haven't seen each other for over four months and we got so close to getting exactly what we wanted - a flat that we can afford, a home for our cat, complete stability. However, I'm afraid of how she is going to act around me, and terrified that this really is the end. Please help.
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