Stigma of men who have used escorts.

[DarkKnight1]

If You Feel Like You Wanna Do It Then Go Ahead, I Honestly Dont See The Harm In It.

BUT I Remember When I Was Feeling A Similar Way To How Your Feeling And Went Ahead And Visited A Escort.. IT WAS TERRIBLE I mean the girl looked nothing like what she did in the picture, had some manky ass teeth , kept insisting i cum'd (i was hitting da cooch up for the whole 30 mins stopping ever so often because she kept complaining) so i couldn't release the nut under pressure. i left there pissed and felt robbed. id never do it again tbh after that experience i agree with other saying its best to deal with the real issues and then have a real intimate sex with a partner , the two are incomparable.

[SJC2008]

 

What does that mean exactly? It means you may end up using escorts as a crutch to more easily get your rocks off rather than step outside your comfort zone and re-engage in REAL relationships with women who aren't being paid off.

 

 

It just seems like you're being very LAZY about what you KNOW you inevitably have to do and instead letting your penis do most (if not all) of the thinking.

 

I have steppwd out it my comfot zone. When I was 29 I started asking women out again. I asked customes out, a couple hit on me too. Of this two blossomed into a date with each then they got flakey. Two others I deal broke before asking for a date and another one disappeared after texting. I went from dropping a class because I was running late and didn't want to walk in in front of everyone to asking for numbers from relative strangers. That's about as close to a cold approach so don't talk to me about expanding comfort zones. A lot of people here act like all struggling men just sit there and hope a woman falls in his lap. I've tried, trust me.

[SJC2008]

I've tried meds they don't work. My sister has been on every men under the sun and it makes her spacey God bless her. I tried therapy, it doesn't work. I'm about as self aware as one can get.

 

I'm getting my own place in a few minths so I should feel a lot better about myself then. I'm going to quit smoking and diet. Those three factors should help with my depressiin and anxiety a lot.

[FitChick]

I dated a busy, successful businessman who, before we met, did a lot of international travel. He didn't have the time nor energy for a girlfriend so occasionally availed himself of the services of "masseuses" at luxury hotels who offered "happy endings" or met prostitutes in the hotel bar. They were not low rent streetwalkers. Many were university educated and dressed like business women themselves. One was married and her husband liked the extra income. I didn't have a problem with it.

 

If a man I was exclusively dating did this, I'd consider it cheating.

Edited June 19, 2014 by FitChick

[Robert Z]

That does not sound like the escorts I've been with at all. I wouldnt doubt that some of them feel that way, but the ones I've been with were just super empowered.

 

 

 

My escort turned sugar baby is extremely confident and is quickly becoming accomplished in her field of study. She is smart, motivated, insightful, and an absolutely wonderful companion. She is in incredibly good shape, takes fantastic care of herself, is drug free, and is working hard towards her goals. She has it together about as much as any woman I have ever met. She exudes confidence and is very much an empowered person. And after over two years I know her pretty well. We spend a lot of time together.

 

Each escort or sex worker is unique. Personally, my experience with top-tier escorts was fantastic. And I think the sad and horror stories are the ones that get most of the attention. You don't hear about the women who make a fortune and retire except through personal contacts. Those stories never seem to make it into the media for obvious reasons - the women don't want their lives exposed.

Edited June 19, 2014 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

If someone can't understand why I did what I needed to do, then they probably have too many hang ups about sex and I wouldn't be interested anyway. But I don't feel qualified to suggest doing this or not for someone else. It is a very personal decision that I made in a time of extreme personal crisis. It was right for me. And it has been a huge ego booster. This seems to be an unavoidable consequence of having sex with an incredibly beautiful young woman who has been very good to me.

Edited June 19, 2014 by Robert Z

[johan]

While I'm not a big fan of lying, the cruel fact of life that I think will never change is you can expect to get a fair amount of criticism and/or disrespect from people who know you've done this. It's definitely not something I respect, and aside from a doctor's prescription, I don't expect any reason you could offer would change my mind about that.

[Teknoe]

Yes this topic again...

 

I'm seriously considering hiring an escort. Lot of newbies here so I'll give a brief history of myslef. 32, first sexual exp at 19, lost V at 22 and have had sex once since. Due to crippling shyness (social anxiety) and massive insecurity I've never been good with women; my longest courtship was 5 weeks in which I was a rebound. I make horrible decisions in women by falling for control freaks (mommy issues).

 

Anyway, I don't plan to make this a regular thing but since my sexual experiences are so few and far between (and not that good) I'm strongly considering hiring an escort. I think it will help with my confidence and sexual shame by having some real sex. Not to mention I'm horny as hell.

 

STD arguments aside my reasons for not doing it would be I know I'll feel guilty (but I know I'll get over it). I don't wan't to be one of "those guys" as I know a lot of women don't like this, which I respect. Being deal broken by potential partners is my biggest concern. Not that this topic will come up but if it does I'm not one for lying about it.

 

I know I can get laid on my own, a la my previous exps and a handfull of blwon opportunities in the past but I'm very depressed right now. I don't feel like going through the courting process, I want a slam dunk, and I won't have my own for another few months. I think if I do this once to hold me over for a while will be good. Look how long I've gone without. Suggestions and opinions please.

 

Hey SJC,

During the nearly 4 years I been on LS I've read your posts here and there and wanna say you seem like a pretty good guy, who just hasn't had much luck/game with... well, the game, so to speak. I can relate, as I've only had one girlfriend up to this point, and that happened 10 years ago. It's been a long drought here as well... I've tried asking girls out but probably didn't do the best job of it (I always asked out girls I had befriended first instead of asking out upon first sight/meeting). Always been given the friend zone speech of one variety or another.

 

Anyway, escorts are expensive and there's always the risk of you walking into a police sting. That would be on your record forever, affecting the rest of your life in many ways. Just, a lot of things can go wrong, so my advice would be, join some sort of club. Book, volunteering, gym... something, where you can meet new people and hopefully make a connection somewhere.

 

Reality though, once many posters post something, their mind subconsciously has already been made long before they click "POST"... and they're just looking for the eventual few posters' replies who are backing them up to make them feel like their choice is the right one.

 

I'm not gonna say don't do it or do it... you're the one with the ultimate power to make the decision. Just know that solving your problems is not as simple as seeing escorts 3-4 times to "break you back in." The solution never comes from quick fixes, but always come from a deep internal push toward actual self-improvement, socially, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

[Anela]

 

Women can just offer it up and get a ONS even if they're overweight and ugly, some dude will eventually go for it.

 

 

With sweet talk like that, I'm surprised nobody has snapped you up yet. Yes, it's lovely knowing that if we aren't a beautiful little thing, thought to deserve everything good in this world because of our looks, that we can still snag some sex, as an otherwise nameless, faceless hole, used out of desperation.

[ktya]

With sweet talk like that, I'm surprised nobody has snapped you up yet. Yes, it's lovely knowing that if we aren't a beautiful little thing, thought to deserve everything good in this world because of our looks, that we can still snag some sex, as an otherwise nameless, faceless hole, used out of desperation.

 

I've been snapped up by girls for the past 17 years and I'm tired of it now and just multi-dating to be honest.

 

Physical attraction is key in any relationship - probably just a nudge more important than smarts, attitude and brains because if you found someone ugly you would have never approached them in the first place.

 

I was referring to lining up a ONS. A bottom of the barrel girl with no game or personality at all could easily get a ONS. For a guy it's much harder. Just reality thats all.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

I've tried meds they don't work. My sister has been on every men under the sun and it makes her spacey God bless her. I tried therapy, it doesn't work. I'm about as self aware as one can get.

 

I'm getting my own place in a few minths so I should feel a lot better about myself then. I'm going to quit smoking and diet. Those three factors should help with my depressiin and anxiety a lot.

 

Then waste your time doing that, I am telling you now you are too far down the road to make yourself better. I was very lucky the first meds I tried worked but I was in the minority some people have to try lots to get the right one but it will be more than worth it.

 

I wasnt living I was existing! If you can relate to any of the following then you need to see someone:

 

1) Feeling like everyone is looking at you (feeling like you stand out) , like you are on a stage and there is a spotlight on you.

2) Feeling like everything you say is magnified and loud and everyone can hear it.

3) Feeling awkward around people even close friends and family

4) Forgetting what you are talking about.

5) Not knowing how to let a conversation 'naturally' end and keeping on talking even if you dont really have anything to say.

6) Analysing every conversation afterwards.

7) Feeling like everything will go wrong (a sense of impending doom)

8) Feeling like your life is 'over' as you are going to have to live like this for the rest of your life.

9) Simple tasks that others do (like talking to a stranger) is almost impossible for you.

 

Thats how I felt and I am so glad I finally got help, I honestly thought I had a social anxiety and i would never feel any different.

 

I cant stress to you enough that this is no way to live and you CAN and WILL be just like 'everyone else' but you need professional help x

3)

[todreaminblue]

The full time professional working girls, yes. Street girls, probably (I have never used them)

 

The amateurs who just want to make a little extra dough for school or rent or whatever, no. I've had great conversations and they have done stuff ranging from working in the court system but are upgrading their schooling to just being between jobs or waiting for their work visa so they can start working as a nurse.

 

See: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=5&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CEwQtwIwBA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nbcnews.com%2Fnews%2Fus-news%2Fsex-workers-need-rights-not-rescue-author-says-n49096&ei=xhijU4WwIpLyoAS07oDgBw&usg=AFQjCNE9-z66LaCKzSIj4y-cDemXJqYbLA&sig2=wI1l259Ett_i-ICeGLPuUQ&bvm=bv.69411363,d.cGU

 

pretty woman concept was movie made...isnt real not in prostitution...just for example how many prostitutes has one guy had in his life 10 12 15 20....that is not the majority.....if ever you have worked a job....or had to work for the powers that be in prostitution...they are mostly with a few exceptions,more women run establishments..... dirty vicious and ugly people who take the majority of the girls money and i myself have known maybe 150 prostitutes.....the majority of those women were not street walkers.....and if they so chance to refuse a job......they get messed up, then have, to job anyway , you guys defending saying they were empowered ...if they work for a club more money goes though the owners hands than theirs...they are not empowered....they are mattress backs to the club or house...cattle..another factor is you never see many mature hookers....they disappear......and some times its not to have a house in the suburbs with a couple of kids and a loving husband....some of them,they actually die or are never heard of again...and no one cares or tries to find them....its never news...because its too common.....

 

 

you really don't know what goes on till you go to the back door of a high end club and see a girl get a talking to...i was one girl and i didnt get to talk much , neither did they talk much to me.....i couldnt speak because one had me round the throat for talking back....empowered pfft and i was ex military...........that talking to was for refusing to f uck with an aggressive client who had loads of cash and a credit card, for hiding out when i knew the military were about to hit town i would see them at the door and i would try and make myself very small to avoid having to have sex with more than one guy with a 14 incher....i would hide...i was considered high end because i have an intellect......i never walked the streets or had a drug addiction....whether some of these girls dont have to defend themselves against abuse the majority of the women i have met did have a past that included trauma homelessness and a lack of family growing up.....a lot of the time they came in clean...no drug addictions by the time they left they had raging drug addictions cocaine exstacy etc.....

 

prostitution always is an illusion because you dont get to see the bad crap...but i did...and it isnt all languishing aroudn eating bonbons and or "i am going to have a degree at the end of this and manicures and high end fashion and studying between rooting ten guys........although i did have an extensive wardrobe.........if you ever even got the time to study it would eb minimal study and i dotn see how you could excel and focus...........and even then that would be i fyou had energy to forget what you had to do the day before.........deb

Edited June 19, 2014 by todreaminblue

[blueskyday]

Don't do it. As a woman who has been lied to about a man's shady sexual past, it's something a future partner won't get over...ever. She will fall in love with the guy she thinks you are. You will always know she more than likely would have never chosen to be with you if she knew. That's fraud. You would never feel truly loved for yourself.

 

Think ahead. Don't put a woman through this. Don't put yourself through it. Lying to get what you want is wrong. When she finds out, she will hate you. And she will find out. You will never be able to live with the lie if you are close and serious about her.

 

You can't fix your situation with escorts. Sex is a shared, consensual thing. Not a service or commodity to buy. You would be using another human being. One who wouldn't have sex with you without money in the equation. You deserve better than that. So does any woman.

 

How about spending the money on massages and therapy. Build friendships with women . Create emotional intimacy. Get off by masterbating We all need a sexual release, but that doesn't mean to go use hookers.

 

It's pathetic and desperate behavior. You aren't a loser. Don't act like one. Again, think about your future. You will never regret getting your needs met legitimately. And you won't have to lie to anybody..most of all yourself.

Edited June 19, 2014 by blueskyday

[ThaWholigan]

I don't really have a strong position on this either way - it's your call really. As you can see, a lot of people will frown upon it, it's a divisive issue. Obviously, I have had a few female acquaintances who worked as escorts and had no ill effects so I have not encountered a horror story - although I am fully aware that many of them exist.

 

I would make a light suggestion that you put this off for a short while and try a different approach. I understand that you have done a lot of work and trust me - I recognize that it's very very difficult to summon up the courage to brave the rejections when you're at a low point. It's not gonna be as simple as "waiting for the woman who wants you for you" and all that, that much is obvious. The only thing I can say is that going through that is worth it in the end as you become a stronger person overall, especially regarding interpersonal stuff.

 

You're not a loser IMO if you do pay for it however, but a lot of people will look at you differently and you have to factor in if you can handle that. And I suspect that, given you already have anxiety problems and possible depression, I doubt that this stigma is going to help you, it may make things worse. Unfortunately, people's opinions can affect us if we let them, especially if we are vulnerable in some way.

 

It's up to you, if you can hack it. My personal advice would probably be to hold it off just for now and try to work through the problems. You don't have to take meds or therapy, just try to learn to manage your state. It can be as simple as affirmations or something like that. Give it time.

[ktya]

..they are not empowered....they are mattress backs to the club or house...cattle..another factor is you never see many mature hookers....they disappear......

 

This is why I say the amateurs are best. They take all or almost all of the rake, dont do it professionally, and they are empowered because they know they can get laid and make $100 an hour rather than working 10 hours at McDicks for the same money and have no qualm with doing it sometimes.

 

Professionals or street girls... thats a different scenario.

[pteromom]

Would you deal break a woman who had worked as an escort?

 

If not, then you wouldn't be selling out your values by going for it and seeing one, and there's no reason to feel guilty about it. If so, then you shouldn't be doing it. Can't be a hypocrite.

 

But if it is in line with your values, there is no harm in it. It won't cure your depression or give you more confidence. But it could give you a memory of some really great sex that you can look back on with fondness.

[Robert Z]

This is why I say the amateurs are best. They take all or almost all of the rake, dont do it professionally, and they are empowered because they know they can get laid and make $100 an hour rather than working 10 hours at McDicks for the same money and have no qualm with doing it sometimes.

 

Professionals or street girls... thats a different scenario.

 

 

None of them do it professionally!

 

 

$100 an hour? Yikes! The club was 500 an hour with a 4 hour minimum. You are basically talking about street prostitution.

[ktya]

None of them do it professionally!

 

 

$100 an hour? Yikes! The club was 500 an hour with a 4 hour minimum. You are basically talking about street prostitution.

 

Initial amateur rate was $120/hr

 

After the third visit I got it down to $60/hr AM special. She gave me 3 hours beause she liked me

 

The amateurs are girls who just want a bit of extra cash, find them on Craigslist under therapeutic. No club fees/rake so the prices are way lower and its way more relaxed, no driver waiting on the street.

[todreaminblue]

This is why I say the amateurs are best. They take all or almost all of the rake, dont do it professionally, and they are empowered because they know they can get laid and make $100 an hour rather than working 10 hours at McDicks for the same money and have no qualm with doing it sometimes.

 

Professionals or street girls... thats a different scenario.

 

 

you know what, i get really frustrated with guys who say sex is empowering with 500 men....its not...its called being a cum bucket.....yeah been called that....matress aback .....dirty hooker should i go on.....

 

the fact that i cant give a number of guys i have been with to a prospective partner that i get to see his face drop when he realizes i was a cum bucket fro guys boredom and apathy to find a woman they really care about to have sex......better to use the bucket huh for after all that bucket is there to be used.....

 

 

empower her with your semen so empowering it has to be such a shining example for daughters everywhere.....

 

trying to justify hookers to an ex hooker.....i put my heart out there in words, some horrible but actually quite mild experiences and you ignore it....dont worry ...hookers are used to that empowering behavior you guys afford us in ignorance and denial........you dont hear what i am saying and honestly for all the how empowering hooking is you dont give a flying f ...uck about a hooker at the end of the day you read your newspaper and check out stock prices or the horsies....i actually do care ....passionately....i am empowered to say its all a pile of crap...because i am not in that gutter anymore....thank god above i got out ............amateur hookers without protection working for themselves.....empowered huh..lets see..mmmmmmmm rape anyone.....up for some of that empowerment dialogue.......and you will come back with well nah so blase, disreagrd what i say and upset me ....and why should i get upset....i dont know because i give a f uck....with the empowerement speeches hit the primary schools next and tell the girls sitting there dreaming of a bright future how empowering amatuer prostiutution is....and then when the dads beat the livign ****e out of you ...dont come looking for empowerment from me....ill say well there ya go.......im out.,......good luck......deb

Edited June 19, 2014 by todreaminblue

[ktya]

Obviously you are coming from experience and I can't really argue with your experiences.

 

I know the escorts I've used and they're all pretty cool people several of whom I still talk to outside of business and now I have enough action I dont use them anymore. One of them even by fluke went to the same highschool as me and we knew a bunch of the same people.

 

I dont propose escorts are a substitute for a girlfriend.

 

Sorry to hear of your bad experiences.

[SJC2008]

If someone can't understand why I did what I needed to do, then they probably have too many hang ups about sex and I wouldn't be interested anyway. But I don't feel qualified to suggest doing this or not for someone else. It is a very personal decision that I made in a time of extreme personal crisis. It was right for me. And it has been a huge ego booster. This seems to be an unavoidable consequence of having sex with an incredibly beautiful young woman who has been very good to me.

 

Do you still use escorts? What's your dating life/success with women like now?

[todreaminblue]

Obviously you are coming from experience and I can't really argue with your experiences.

 

I know the escorts I've used and they're all pretty cool people several of whom I still talk to outside of business and now I have enough action I dont use them anymore. One of them even by fluke went to the same highschool as me and we knew a bunch of the same people.

 

I dont propose escorts are a substitute for a girlfriend.

 

Sorry to hear of your bad experiences.

 

thank you for acknowledgement i appreciate that.......being acknowledged as having merit to which i write of is more empowering.....for a woman who knows what its like..to be understood ....is the best outcome.because no matter how hard i try i wont change soemones mind whose dead set happy with using a woman...to be understood is the best i can do..deb

Edited June 19, 2014 by todreaminblue

[SJC2008]

Either way I'm screwed. If I meet someone, I'm at an age where my lack of R's will get me deal broken by the vast majority of women. If I do it it's a deal breaker for a lot of women, possibly the vast majority. I also fear it would turn out to be more that a "one shot" thing as another poster mentioned.

 

When I was 23/24 I was at a party with some coworkers and a girl I know liked me was there. I was going to the bathroom and she was comming out and when she say me she lingered and gave me the "x me" face and guess what I did? Nothing. This was after I lost my V mind you. Like I said I have a sexual shame problem and I've only been aware of it for about a year, mabye a little more. That along with shyness and insecurity is how you wind up with a man my age in a boat like this. Call it rationaizatin and it partly is but I think this will help me because the fact that I'm so desperate that I'm willing to hire an escort is overriding my shame. Will it heal me? Absoloutely not. Will it make me more comfortable with woman since this time will be to enjoy without "fumbling" I really really think so.

[todreaminblue]

Either way I'm screwed. If I meet someone, I'm at an age where my lack of R's will get me deal broken by the vast majority of women. If I do it it's a deal breaker for a lot of women, possibly the vast majority. I also fear it would turn out to be more that a "one shot" thing as another poster mentioned.

 

When I was 23/24 I was at a party with some coworkers and a girl I know liked me was there. I was going to the bathroom and she was comming out and when she say me she lingered and gave me the "x me" face and guess what I did? Nothing. This was after I lost my V mind you. Like I said I have a sexual shame problem and I've only been aware of it for about a year, mabye a little more. That along with shyness and insecurity is how you wind up with a man my age in a boat like this. Call it rationaizatin and it partly is but I think this will help me because the fact that I'm so desperate that I'm willing to hire an escort is overriding my shame. Will it heal me? Absoloutely not. Will it make me more comfortable with woman since this time will be to enjoy without "fumbling" I really really think so.

 

 

and i keep trying and trying......you do know moist hookers dont kiss clientele..most men don want to kiss hookers because on a hookers breath underneath mouthwash you can smell nonoxonol 9 and it tastes like condom with aids protection..its not going to make you more comfortable on approach and then you have the added thought in your head circling arouund causing problems, what if this girl does like me and before i sleep with her i tell her because it is really best and moral of me to disclose..... i ****ed a hooker...and it will cause issues.......deb

Edited June 20, 2014 by todreaminblue

[KathyM]

Initial amateur rate was $120/hr

 

After the third visit I got it down to $60/hr AM special. She gave me 3 hours beause she liked me

 

The amateurs are girls who just want a bit of extra cash, find them on Craigslist under therapeutic. No club fees/rake so the prices are way lower and its way more relaxed, no driver waiting on the street.

There's a lot of cops hanging out on Craigslist with sting operations. I don't think this guy needs a criminal record in addition to his other problems.