blindhope Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 So its been about 18 month since we've broken up and for good reason. She's moved on and I would like to think I have. I've been in another relationship. Was happy but it wasn't something that was going to last forever. But Even know she that there hasn't been a single day gone by that I don't think about the ex that broke my heart. I'm wish I could villify her, or hate her but I can't. I wish I'd turn her I'm for things she's done but I'd never do that. It all comes down to me. I wish I'd just move on and forget about her. Its odd hw many people don't like her and some of what I thought were her close friends told me how they honestly felt about her after we broke up. Hell strangers congratulated me on getting away from her. All this dislike for her and I'm the only one who knows the really bad she's done. And I'm the only one who seems to ever have gotten close enough to know her well enough and more so her biggest secret and I still like her. Anytime my minds not occupied with a task at hand she enters. Helps me become a work a holic but with a lot of driving in my job that's too much time to think. How is this, logically I know its completely irrational? Why can't my brain which know how wrong this is tell my heart to shut up? And more importantly how to I get the memories and ill conceived thoughts if her running back out of my head!
LostConfused123 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Oh God, I wish I knew. Sorry, not much help. Just in the same boat as you. Makes zero sense to me as well. ((hugs)) 1
OwMyEyeball Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might help. You'll need to find ways to trick and train your brain into diverting thought away from your ex and memories associated to her. The more often you dredge up the memories, the fresher they'll appear and the greater the impact they'll have on your emotional base. There's also the possibility that you've become "addicted" to the memories and ruminate over them in much the same way a slot junkie mows through quarters on a machine, willing to come up with a hundred duds just to get that one electrifying experience. You'll relive a dozen painful memories just to get to a pleasant outcome, whether it be an actual memory or a fantasy. Easier said than done, but you can move past her. 5
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I'm about 18 months too. My problem is that the more I begin to understand my own flaws and issues (which are several), the more I blame myself for what happened. Obviously, she has her own role in it too, but I really made many, many mistakes at different times and places throughout the RS. I didn't know any better. Although I have been with many women and had several relationships of varying length and intensity, this was the first time I ever felt this way about another human being, and I didn't know how to go about it properly. I just plain didn't understand. Now, as I begin to understand, I actually feel sorry about my in-experience and naivety and how I dropped all of that on the RS and her... Really, I'm surprised she stuck it out as long as she did These books have really helped me gain insight and understanding: -Toxic Parents -Breaking the Chains of Low Self Esteem -No More Mr Nice Guy -Open her 1
gaius Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 You can't really. It's just something that happens naturally or it doesn't. As long as you're behaving yourself and not begging her back or showing up outside her house unannounced with flowers don't worry about it too much. I think I'm mostly over my ex, I don't care if I don't hear from her or anything but whenever I have a dream about her I always oversleep. I was supposed to be up at 3am and I just woke up 15 minutes ago, 3 hours late. Freaking vagina is a powerful thing. 2
emotionalMess Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Its not you, its your ego which is scared. Just be aware and focus on this area. Ego is your self image, its who you think you are, its your reality - but it is not you. She rejected you, and your ego went into primal instinct mode to protect itself. Thoughts of her, invokes ego preservation mode. You need to evolve your ego like that of a monk, when you do, you will no longer will resist suffering. You wont care, there will no longer be anything to be corrected. You will begin to live in the moment and not the past. You are not your ego, your ego is a component of you but it is not you and it can be repaired and enhanced. I'm learning and will try to reach an advanced state of enlightenment and raise my level of consciousness as well. Good Luck if you choose this road. 2
edgygirl Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 For me it's not the ego at all. I have other guys knocking on my door. But I really really miss HIM. I want HIM. I don't care about feeling low self esteem. I actually feel stronger than ever in my life although we broke up 20 days ago. Sometimes it's just about... love. Its not you, its your ego which is scared. Just be aware and focus on this area. Ego is your self image, its who you think you are, its your reality - but it is not you. She rejected you, and your ego went into primal instinct mode to protect itself. Thoughts of her, invokes ego preservation mode. You need to evolve your ego like that of a monk, when you do, you will no longer will resist suffering. You wont care, there will no longer be anything to be corrected. You will begin to live in the moment and not the past. You are not your ego, your ego is a component of you but it is not you and it can be repaired and enhanced. I'm learning and will try to reach an advanced state of enlightenment and raise my level of consciousness as well. Good Luck if you choose this road.
ponchsox Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might help. You'll need to find ways to trick and train your brain into diverting thought away from your ex and memories associated to her. The more often you dredge up the memories, the fresher they'll appear and the greater the impact they'll have on your emotional base. There's also the possibility that you've become "addicted" to the memories and ruminate over them in much the same way a slot junkie mows through quarters on a machine, willing to come up with a hundred duds just to get that one electrifying experience. You'll relive a dozen painful memories just to get to a pleasant outcome, whether it be an actual memory or a fantasy. Easier said than done, but you can move past her. This is a terrific post. It is very dangerous to become obsessed with the memories which are far from reality of what the relationship is. 95% of relationships that end are for the best for both people. You need to clear your mind if these distractions so you can move on with your life.
newenglandkid Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Totally agree with that last post, I'm trying not so much to remember the good times, as much as remember some of the bad times and why we broke up. As messed up as that sounds it's slowly working.. Hey if anyone's up could they check out my latest post on the coping section of the forum. Thanks.
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