Jump to content

Obsessing right now after 3 dates...justifiably so? Can I just tell her how I feel?

baker3g

By baker3g
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

baker3g Member

baker3g

Posted
Posted

I have had the most amazing string of dates I could possibly imagine. Our 1st date was over 9 hrs as we met, bar hopped, held hands, and finally kissed for over an hour. The second date was at a pool hall, approx. the same time/activities. I got to know her even more and it was somehow even better than the 1st. Our last date on Saturday was absolutely incredible. Over the course of 15 hrs we ate, hung out, got hot and heavy (no sex though) and had incredible conversation. I have told her things already that some of my closest friends are unaware of. I can say, without an ounce of hyperbole, I love this woman. Since this realization, fear has crept in, fear that I will lose her. She has told me that many of the things she has done with me up to this point, she never does with any other guys (hand holding, pda). She also affirmed from the beginning that she wanted a serious relationship and that she doesn't have sex unless it's serious. We have dated for less than 2 weeks, and I now want the same thing, but with her.

 

To get to the point, I want her badly but am unsure if the burning desire that I have for her is mutual. I do all the calling and setting up of the dates thus far. Our last two phone conversations have been lacking somewhat, as opposed to our convos that lasted for hours. Today will be the first day without any communication. She has also texted me less over the last two of days, and cancelled our meeting for coffee yesterday. Now she has been verifiably ill since our last date (she got me sick a little), but I am still worried that we are losing our luster. Should I be or am I overreacting? If so, How do I stop worrying about it? Should I tell her how I feel?

deathandtaxes Established Member

deathandtaxes

Posted
Posted

Chill the **** out! You need to give her some time and space to miss you. Plan another date. Don't worry about talking on the phone until then. Don't worry about texting until then. Save it up for face to face. And hold those feelings in for now. You will scare the bejeebus out of her after so short a period of time. And you may love her or most likely you are lusting quite heavily after her. Take a breath. Calm down. Go do other things in the meanwhile.

  • Like 3
Assasda Established Member

Assasda

Posted
Posted

Hahaha my bet is that he already scared the bejeezus out of her.

 

 

lol he said that she was "verifiably" ill. Did you get a Doctors note?

You should tattoo her name on your chest, and then call her 100 times to tell her that you love her, and that you will die for her.

That is the only wayshe'll know how much your love is really.

 

 

Seriously though, sounds like you already suffocated the girl, and her love is dying for you.

  • Like 2
TB Rhine Established Member

TB Rhine

Posted
Posted

Movies sell the idea of the whirlwind romance, love at first sight, etc. But in real life, it's just not healthy or realistic to be this invested this early. If you tell her how you feel... well, basically, that's just NEVER a good idea. Don't do it under any circumstances. But certainly not after 3 dates.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

No, don't tell her you love her. That will more than likely scare the snot out of her. OP, I understand the butterflies and lusty feelings that come with a new interest, but after only fourteen days you don't know her well enough to love her. Calm down and take a step back. Give this relationship time to grow and breathe. You need to get a handle on your anxiety of losing her. That's always a risk in a relationship but after only 3 dates it's not healthy to be so fearful or, in your words, "obsessive." If you reveal to her how you feel, you are probably going to frighten her, not flatter her. Chill and fill your time with other things you enjoy between dates.

  • Author
baker3g Member

baker3g

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hahaha, tough crowd, but thanks for the replies. I only used "verifiably ill" to get you guys to know that she had a legit reasoning for cancelling and that this wasn't an excuse. She doesn't know that I am obsessively thinking about her either, I haven't done anything crazy...yet. I really just wanted to get an outsider's opinion on the relationship so far, and see if this recent lull means anything.

irresolute Established Member

irresolute

Posted
Posted

Yikes it sound too much for me. 9 hours date? 15 hours date? You love her already?

 

This will worn out in 5, 4, 3...

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted

Three suggestions off the top of my head.

 

A small plane with a banner behind it proclaiming your love.

 

An announcement on a Jumbotron at a sporting event you're taking her to.

 

And of course, change your Facebook status to 'in a relationship'. If you're really confident, go straight for 'engaged'.

 

 

I kid, I kid! Take a breath and rein it in. What Expat said.

  • Like 2
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
Posted
I have had the most amazing string of dates I could possibly imagine. Our 1st date was over 9 hrs as we met, bar hopped, held hands, and finally kissed for over an hour. The second date was at a pool hall, approx. the same time/activities. I got to know her even more and it was somehow even better than the 1st. Our last date on Saturday was absolutely incredible. Over the course of 15 hrs we ate, hung out, got hot and heavy (no sex though) and had incredible conversation. I have told her things already that some of my closest friends are unaware of. I can say, without an ounce of hyperbole, I love this woman. Since this realization, fear has crept in, fear that I will lose her. She has told me that many of the things she has done with me up to this point, she never does with any other guys (hand holding, pda). She also affirmed from the beginning that she wanted a serious relationship and that she doesn't have sex unless it's serious. We have dated for less than 2 weeks, and I now want the same thing, but with her.

 

To get to the point, I want her badly but am unsure if the burning desire that I have for her is mutual. I do all the calling and setting up of the dates thus far. Our last two phone conversations have been lacking somewhat, as opposed to our convos that lasted for hours. Today will be the first day without any communication. She has also texted me less over the last two of days, and cancelled our meeting for coffee yesterday. Now she has been verifiably ill since our last date (she got me sick a little), but I am still worried that we are losing our luster. Should I be or am I overreacting? If so, How do I stop worrying about it? Should I tell her how I feel?

 

Noooooo

 

Bad idea. You can tell her that on your honeymoon "ya know, I have loved you since day one"

 

Might be that she's sick, or might be that you got too heavy to fast on her. Chill.

central Established Member

central

Posted
Posted

You need to back off a bit. Create a little time and space, so she has a chance to miss you - then you can move forward. If you are too available, too obviously smitten and obsessed, you'll definitely freak her out and scare her off. Maybe even let her call you first next time.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Despite the length of the dates, after 3 dates no matter how hot & heavy if a man told me he loved me I would think one of three things none of them good for you:

 

 

1. he's an idiot who has no boundaries who has no idea what real love is & who throws the concept around like it's nothing

 

 

2. he's a liar

 

 

3. he's only saying it to get sex

 

 

Obsess all you want on here but sloooooooowwwwww waaaaaayyyyy down around her.

  • Like 1
Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

Posted
Posted

Oh God, this is painful.

 

Find out what you love about yourself and fix your self esteem.

  • Author
baker3g Member

baker3g

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Oh God, this is painful.

 

Find out what you love about yourself and fix your self esteem.

 

Lol, and I thought I was overreacting! I have never had a problem with my self esteem, and I do love myself. I just have never felt this way about anybody else I've dated. The longest relationship I've had was 8 months, and while you all think it's crazy, this two week courtship means 100x more to me than any other relationship I've had. And to address someone else above, sex has NOTHING to do with this. In fact, if a girl doesn't have sex by the second date, I usually move on. Idk how to explain this any clearer, THIS IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! Leagues away from the norm for me!

 

I appreciate the advice from everyone, and will definitely tone it down (I'm not nearly as worried today). In fact, spewing all the above has affirmed for myself at least that my feelings are 100% genuine; but in the end what will be, will be.

 

But is there anyone out there who's had a similar experience with genuine love (actual and not perceived)? Has anyone clicked with another almost instantaneously, and if so, how'd it go?

  • Like 1
deathandtaxes Established Member

deathandtaxes

Posted
Posted (edited)

Yes. Clicked immediately. And it became a flaming mess three weeks later. This was back in February. We had instant chemistry. The sex was great. We had good times going out and staying in. But, once that initial rush wore off, I decided she just wasn't right for me. There were some compatibility issues in the way we communicated. And I don't think they were gonna change.

Edited by deathandtaxes
GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted

Yep! :)

 

Before the days of texting and online this and that though.

 

It felt amazing!

 

I didn't say ILY until after he did..he said it after three weeks and 2 dates per week. I replied with I 'lust/like' you as I wasn't ready..but it didn't take long..couple of weeks more or something like that.

 

It lasted 14 years.

Never found something like it since as I am no longer an equal to men my age..I am a 'thing/commodity/cook and cleaner/arm candy/one who needs to obey' *insert sad emoticon that I cannot find on here* (but much rather stay single than life be no fun and in that kind of situ)

 

On occasion I wonder whether I should have stayed..long story there though..and way too long & involved to type.

 

.

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

You can't be declaring love yet. Anything that happens that fast and then someone is in love, a smart person will know they are in love with an ideal in their head and that so far, so early into the relationship, they are just fitting enough of that ideal to have overwhelmed you. I know feelings get carried away, but women also admire some rational thought, and acting too early also implies a certain desperation and neediness.

 

It's too early to know this woman well enough to really be long-term in love with her. What you love now is the small fraction you know about her. Remember, everything is exciting at the beginning and people on their best behavior. Now you have seen her slow things down because you were reeling out of control. So do what DeathandTaxes says.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
But is there anyone out there who's had a similar experience with genuine love (actual and not perceived)? Has anyone clicked with another almost instantaneously, and if so, how'd it go?

 

I'm pretty quick on the trigger to know who I click with & who I don't. If the chemsitry isn't there, I don't usually go on the 2nd date & it's rare that I would even accept the 1st one.

 

Feeling that spark doesn't mean love to me. That takes time to build. Actually admitting it out loud is also a level of trust I need to build to. I said it quick with DH (3 months) the other two times I said it took 6 months for one & 2 years for the other but that relationship lasted for 12 years

JungleLover Established Member

JungleLover

Posted
Posted
Movies sell the idea of the whirlwind romance, love at first sight, etc. But in real life, it's just not healthy or realistic to be this invested this early. If you tell her how you feel... well, basically, that's just NEVER a good idea. Don't do it under any circumstances. But certainly not after 3 dates.

 

 

You have been given great advice throughout this thread but I really like the conciseness and great point made here.

 

In the movie, you would eventually marry this woman, have many children and grandchildren. In real life, you scared her off already. Telling her things that even your good friends are unaware of at this point was a huge misstep. Huge! Too much too fast. Crash and burn comes to mind.

 

It happens. You got infatuated and caught up in your emotions. Sometimes it's just nice to experience these sort of things to make you feel alive but as long as you realize that you will very unlikely be with the person 2 months down the line. Forget about the 1 in 1 billion story of how the person eventually married the girl. Again, you take your date to the movies to see those.

  • Like 1
kart180 Established Member

kart180

Posted
Posted
You have been given great advice throughout this thread but I really like the conciseness and great point made here.

 

In the movie, you would eventually marry this woman, have many children and grandchildren. In real life, you scared her off already. Telling her things that even your good friends are unaware of at this point was a huge misstep. Huge! Too much too fast. Crash and burn comes to mind.

 

It happens. You got infatuated and caught up in your emotions. Sometimes it's just nice to experience these sort of things to make you feel alive but as long as you realize that you will very unlikely be with the person 2 months down the line. Forget about the 1 in 1 billion story of how the person eventually married the girl. Again, you take your date to the movies to see those.

Agree, Take it slow, If she reciprocate the feelings and you do have a spark it might work out, It is justifiability to a point. I really cant tell you to pour your heart out and tell her your feelings but if you do prepare for her saying oh I think we should stay friends.

 

 

Speaking from personal experience, I just dont say anything until at least about 5 or 6 dates and I need to be sure of her feelings but if she says we can be friends i just not try to freak out

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...