Dont know how to let go, keeping hope despite 30 days NC

[rutherfordjohn]

My girlfriend and I had been together for a year and a half and things were good. She is the quiet introverted type and throughout the relationship I wanted her to come out of her shell. She wasnt ever really "girlfriend-ey" and didnt do many girlfriend like things for me ( ie: show up at my work, give me lots of attention, make dinner, or any other little relationship type things ). This was always the topic of our fights as I felt like I needed just a little bit more from her. We started fighting but not really that often, we would have a fight every couple weeks for about 3-4 months but there was no cheating or anything.

 

In February we moved in together and lived together for a couple months. Due to our landlord selling our place we were forced to find a new place to live. On May 1st we moved in to the new place and signed a lease together. A couple days later she started acting noticeably off. I did some digging and she said that she felt unhappy and that she had lost herself, and she wasnt sure about the relationship anymore and how she felt about me. I gave her the option to take time away or to stay and work on it, a couple weeks passed and she seemed to avoid the decision. On May 15th after being in limbo for a couple weeks I forced the matter and pleaded that we could fix our problems. She said that was probably possible but she said she felt like she needed to be alone so she could work on herself and develop as a person. She also told me she wasnt sure if she could give me what I wanted in the time frame I wanted it. I agreed and we broke up, 2 days later she moved all her stuff out and moved back in with her parents.

 

Over the next couple days we made financial arrangements to take care of the lease. In one of my last conversations ( May 21 ) with her she told me that she never felt like she was enough for me and she said she felt like the had to hide her spirituality because of me and the way I made her feel. On May 23 I send her an email stating that I respected her space and was going to give her what she needed. Then I started no contact.

 

I will have been 4 weeks of no contact on Friday and I have no heard from her at all. I sent her one email to clarify the money owing but that was the extent of our communication. She has payed all agreed upon money on time and paid her rent for next month several weeks early.

 

One of our mutual friends told me a couple weeks after the breakup that they had talked and my ex said that she needed the time alone and was enjoying her personal time. She also told me that I should probably just get over her....

 

I am still very much hung up on this girl and love her very much. I have had time to think and I do want to be with her and this that thing can be resolved.

 

She said that she needed time to think and that in a couple months we could talk about our future and whether or not we had one...

 

So my question is what should I do? Its almost been a month no contact...

 

Would you continue no contact until she contacts me?

 

I have already said everything I needed to say and have told her that she is the love of my life and I want her...

[erklat]

NC is a permanent state. I don't see what else needs to be said there.

[deathandtaxes]

Learn from this. Fights so early on - where you're unhappy with somebody and they obviously won't change because it's pretty much who they are - are a monstrous red flag. How did your relationship go from all these fights into moving in together? Sounds like you're better off without her. Now you can find somebody that will be all the things you want a girlfriend to be.

 

 

There should be no hope to keep. You should be ****ing elated you can now find somebody that's right for you.

[PhillyConnection23]

I didn't read your post but understand this:

 

30 days ain't ****.

[Mistercash]

Hey man...my ex did everything that you were hoping to get from your girl. Let me tell you...I miss all of that.

 

This friday will make 4 weeks NC just like you. She called me Monday but I stiff armed the call like a running back. I've been feeling better but I still think about her daily and miss her.

 

Stay strong my friend.

[edgygirl]

Read about MBTI / personality types.

 

I just broke up with my ex for the same reason. Actually he broke up but the point is he is introverted (an INTJ type as per MBTI). I always complained about him not being touchy feely enough. (as you're complaining about your ex).

 

The point is, personality type is NOT mutant, people can't change their basic core self, psychologically. You wanting her to change who she was so she could be your (somewhat silly, society-like) expectations, was never going to work. People sense it in a deep level, when they are not accepted for who they are. It showed in her by what she thought was what you didn't like - her spirituality, but I'm sure she felt it in other levels as well.

 

So the question here is - are you willing to accept who she REALLY is and let her be? Can you accept you liked her without her being what society judges to be a good girlfriend? I bet she has many other redeeming qualities otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for her. Think about it. And only if you are still sure about her, think about getting to get back together.

[jbelle6]

I don't think what he wants from a girlfriend is silly at all. Maybe it makes him feel loved. I don't think that's a bad thing. People go so far to be the opposite of what society wants that I find people getting very very cold. Being feminine is a bad thing? My friend has 2 kids at home and they eat takeout almost every night so I could see why a man would want a woman that could cook at least once in a while.

 

 

OP, I think maybe this one might not be right for you, she did say a couple of months and it's been one so just hold off for another one if you can. She knows that's what she asked for so if she wants contact she can break it before then. You could always reassess after that time. It will ok.