Is it a deal breaker for men to be in my 30s and going back to school?

[HeartinPain]

I am 31F and going to a 4 year professional school this fall. Do men in their 30s who are settled in life think dating a woman in her 30s who will be in investing her time in school for the next 4 years a deal breaker?

 

I know having children will be an issue that men will have with me because of my age. I do want children and open to having children while in school, but that is not something I share on the first few dates.

 

Thoughts?

[marcjb]

It sounds like you are currently single and just wondering if this would be a deal breaker for someone that end up meeting?

 

If this is the case, no, I don't see why it would be. There are a lot of people that end up going back to school later in life.

 

If it's a case of you already being in a relationship and wondering if you current partner would mind, they should not mind, and should be supportive of your decision to better your life. However, don't do what my ex fiancé did and think it's ok to make new male "friends".

[mammasita]

Why on earth would that be a deal breaker? I finished my Masters when I was 36 (or 37? time melds together the older I get LOL)!!

 

If thats a deal breaker for a man, then you need to move the hell on.

[HeartinPain]

It sounds like you are currently single and just wondering if this would be a deal breaker for someone that end up meeting?

 

If this is the case, no, I don't see why it would be. There are a lot of people that end up going back to school later in life.

 

If it's a case of you already being in a relationship and wondering if you current partner would mind, they should not mind, and should be supportive of your decision to better your life. However, don't do what my ex fiancé did and think it's ok to make new male "friends".

 

I am currently single. With men in their 30s I meet, they seem very surprised when I tell them I am going to back to school. I am not sure if it is because of my age? I also know when people think of professional school they think of a lot of debt. Financially, I'm at a place where I will have very little to no debt coming out of school, which is also something I feel is inappropriate to share in early dating. My main concerns revolves around the children issue.

[CarrieT]

I finished my Masters when I was 37 and it was never a hindrance on dating.

[MissBee]

Graduate school isn't like college. I understand that for some it may be odd for someone in their 30s to pursue a BA but in terms of Masters, PhDs or other advanced degrees PLENTY of people are older students. I took a year off from undergrad before starting my Masters and then directly went to the PhD program after but one big difference I found with graduate school was that ages and life stages varied, whereas my undergrad was homogeneous age wise, with most students being around the same age and older students being far far fewer. In grad school though, esp my Masters programs, many of my colleagues were twice my age, some already had law or medical degrees, some had worked in other fields for years, some had kids, grandkids etc.

 

If a man has a problem with you pursuing your education then he is not the man for you. You're never too old to do that and I cannot fathom most educated men having issues with this.

[nofeelings22]

100% deal breaker for me, as a guy, but that is only due to my own life plans.

 

You would still be fine with 99% of all other guys.

[Scorpio Chick]

Well I hope you don't mind hearing from a woman! I would think it would actually be an attractive feature to any man!

 

Whether you 'need' to go back to school so you can make more money, or whether you're going back for any other reason, learning is life long!

 

For the most part, men seem to like a woman that is more on the independent side rather than dependent, and nothing says I'm independent like educating yourself further, etc...

 

Do you mind saying what field you're in? The other thing is, there are PLENTY of older people in college now!! I say, huge kudos to you!

[GoreSP]

I am 31F and going to a 4 year professional school this fall. Do men in their 30s who are settled in life think dating a woman in her 30s who will be in investing her time in school for the next 4 years a deal breaker?

 

I know having children will be an issue that men will have with me because of my age. I do want children and open to having children while in school, but that is not something I share on the first few dates.

 

Thoughts?

 

I can imagine it would be a deal breaker for some people. But I don't think you need to worry about those because a) your career should be more important than findind a man and b) the right man will not care that you are in school.

[SammySammy]

Not a deal-breaker for me. I would actually be impressed. I believe people should always be growing in life.

 

I can understand how debt would be a concern in a new relationship. But, if you have a handle on that I would have no problems with you going to school. Would encourage it.

[jo2932]

I am 30 and It would absolutely not matter to me in the slightest. As long as a person makes an effort in dating I cannot see how going back to school could be anything like someone having kids. To me, it's chalk and cheese. So many people are in university nowadays in their 30s it's not even unusual.

[HeartinPain]

Well I hope you don't mind hearing from a woman! I would think it would actually be an attractive feature to any man!

 

Whether you 'need' to go back to school so you can make more money, or whether you're going back for any other reason, learning is life long!

 

For the most part, men seem to like a woman that is more on the independent side rather than dependent, and nothing says I'm independent like educating yourself further, etc...

 

Do you mind saying what field you're in? The other thing is, there are PLENTY of older people in college now!! I say, huge kudos to you!

 

Thank you for this! I will be going to pharmacy school.

[HeartinPain]

I don't think you're providing enough information for us to go on here. Aside from the time investment that has to be made to go back to school, something I know quite a bit about these days, I see no reason why you going to school would be a dealbreaker. However, just school isn't the entire story. I know women who are going to school full time, have children, but no job, and live off the government. They keep continuing their education, because the government pays for it. In a situation like that, you may find it difficult to date, because some men may not want to feel like they have to support you and your children while you go to school.

 

I do not have any kids. I was wondering if men saw it as a deal breaker that I would be starting professional school in my 30s. I would not finish school until I am about 35-36, an age where fertility drops. Ideally, if i met the right guy, I would want to be married and try to have a baby by my 4th year of school.

 

I've never lived off the government. Moreover, there is no free money for professional school besides scholarship money. I am financially independent because I worked, saved and invested throughout my 20s.

[jay1983]

I am 31F and going to a 4 year professional school this fall. Do men in their 30s who are settled in life think dating a woman in her 30s who will be in investing her time in school for the next 4 years a deal breaker?

 

I know having children will be an issue that men will have with me because of my age. I do want children and open to having children while in school, but that is not something I share on the first few dates.

 

Thoughts?

 

I was seeing a girl who was a full time student. The relationship never progressed much because every week night she had to study, sometimes play catch up on the weekend. I was always by myself, texting her talking on the phone. It just wasn't working for me. I don't think having kids while in college is a good idea. You'll have to walk the large campus while 6 months pregnant, not mention you could to go into labor right before finals.

[Weezy1973]

Definitely not a deal breaker. In fact, a woman that considers herself a lifelong learner may make it a deal maker!

[TheGuard13]

I think it would depend on what going back to school entailed.

 

 

If she has a concrete career plan...it wouldn't be such a big deal, as long as it didn't interrupt our relationship.

 

 

If she's just doing it to do it...that might be an issue.

[sweetjasmine]

It's definitely not unusual for people in their 30s to go to professional school. I'll be in that boat soon enough, if things go according to plan. And don't let anyone freak you out re: having children during professional school. It's difficult, but it's definitely doable. I know several people who have successfully done it. In fact, a friend of ours who recently got her MD from a top notch school had her daughter during her third year and was able to manage all of her clinical rotations and finish right alongside everyone else.

[Els]

I was seeing a girl who was a full time student. The relationship never progressed much because every week night she had to study, sometimes play catch up on the weekend. I was always by myself, texting her talking on the phone. It just wasn't working for me. I don't think having kids while in college is a good idea. You'll have to walk the large campus while 6 months pregnant, not mention you could to go into labor right before finals.

 

Uh, these are all risks that any woman takes if they even work during pregnancy. (And she could drive around campus, and there is compassionate consideration for medical reasons during finals). No, the main challenges of having a baby while studying are usually financial, and in terms of taking care of the newborn. But some people do it successfully... and anyway the OP isn't even going to be having children anytime soon, so IMO it shouldn't be a major concern.

[TB Rhine]

The (sad?) thing is, most men aren't going to care about a woman's ambition, career or educational prospects... it's the old maxim immortalized by Sinbad, that a professional guy who sees a cute fry cook will still try to get her phone number. The only reason it might get in the way is if your schedule interferes with his ability to see you as often as he'd like.

[Emilia]

The (sad?) thing is, most men aren't going to care about a woman's ambition, career or educational prospects... it's the old maxim immortalized by Sinbad, that a professional guy who sees a cute fry cook will still try to get her phone number. The only reason it might get in the way is if your schedule interferes with his ability to see you as often as he'd like.

Pretty much spot on.

[pink_sugar]

A lot of people pursue professional degrees later in life due to job stability and to avoid massive debt all at once while starting a career. However, I plan to obtain my masters BEFORE children. Also there are other factors. Are you planning to not work while in school? I don't see how returning to school is a big deal if you are still working...otherwise not having an income would be the factor when dating. If you are working while going to school, the kids thing shouldn't be a big deal....but if you want kids while going to school and not working...something else entirely.

[sweetjasmine]

Are you planning to not work while in school? I don't see how returning to school is a big deal if you are still working...otherwise not having an income would be the factor when dating. If you are working while going to school, the kids thing shouldn't be a big deal....but if you want kids while going to school and not working...something else entirely.

 

I can't answer for OP, but generally speaking, professional schools, especially in medical fields, very much frown upon students working, and it's actually impossible in many cases. Many programs have you in class from basically 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, and there's not much time after class to do anything but study, do homework, and take care of your own personal business. I've never heard of a part-time PharmD program, either. Some professional programs bar students from working more than a certain number of hours per week and many outright forbid working full-time. That was even the case in my PhD program, and it was in the humanities.

[pink_sugar]

I can't answer for OP, but generally speaking, professional schools, especially in medical fields, very much frown upon students working, and it's actually impossible in many cases. Many programs have you in class from basically 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, and there's not much time after class to do anything but study, do homework, and take care of your own personal business. I've never heard of a part-time PharmD program, either. Some professional programs bar students from working more than a certain number of hours per week and many outright forbid working full-time. That was even the case in my PhD program, and it was in the humanities.

 

Yikes, well if that's the case for the OP, since she wants kids while in school and most likely won't be working...it will narrow down her options as the guy she's dating will need to be okay with being the sole income earner and supporting her and the baby while in school.

[Els]

Yikes, well if that's the case for the OP, since she wants kids while in school and most likely won't be working...it will narrow down her options as the guy she's dating will need to be okay with being the sole income earner and supporting her and the baby while in school.

 

There are scholarships and loans available in most places. At any rate obviously the OP cannot count on having a hypothetical man around to support her, so she will have to make her decision based on the finances she can get (or that she already has). From thence onwards, if a guy is turned off by her studying on her savings or a student loan or scholarship, he's probably just not compatible. No loss. She should prioritize her own future IMO, not the probability of getting men. Compatible men will be fine with it.

[pink_sugar]

There are scholarships and loans available in most places. At any rate obviously the OP cannot count on having a hypothetical man around to support her, so she will have to make her decision based on the finances she can get (or that she already has). From thence onwards, if a guy is turned off by her studying on her savings or a student loan or scholarship, he's probably just not compatible. No loss. She should prioritize her own future IMO, not the probability of getting men. Compatible men will be fine with it.

 

I agree, I just think that studying full time with a baby and not working might be a turn off to a lot of people. I know for me, I would probably put off having kids until I finished school...unless I was still able to work and take courses online. If she wants kids right away, she should be open about it....especially since kids aren't for everyone.