subiewifi91 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) I recently got back with an ex after being on a break for about 2 months. In that time she slept with someone that i absolutely hated, and was already saying she loved him after a week. I was dating someone fairly soon after we broke up (rebound) but was never said any of these things to that other person. Now we are back together and all i can keep thinking about is them together. Like whenever she does anything it makes me wonder if she did it for him? I feel like a fool for feeling this way because i know i was not a saint by any means when we were separated but is this normal to think like this? Whats the remedy to stop this feeling. For some reason i feel like its different between us now since she has been with someone else. She keeps tellin me how much she loves me and all these things but i for some reason keep thinking to myself if she loved me as much as she says she does she wouldnt have slept with another man. I know i love her and dont want to throw our relationship away after almost 2 years but no matter what is going on my mind is all over the place about them together. Edited June 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Strength in Healing Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Ditch her, there's no coming back from that. She'll do it again, too. 2
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Is it not ok though since we werent together?
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 I broke up with her and she was trying to get back with me for over a month and a half but i just wasn't having it. She just got with this guy about 3 weeks ago. Maybe its still on my mind so much because its so recent?
Strength in Healing Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Oh, I see. Sounds like she may have done it for revenge. Regardless, you must communicate your concerns. Explain what's going on, that's your only chance of moving past. Otherwise enjoy slow dancing in a burning room.
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 The problem is i have tried talking about it but it doesnt change the fact that it happened. And she gets pretty hostile when i bring it up because she likes to throw the girl i was dating in my face. Maybe im just being unrealistic?
Strength in Healing Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Well, you have two options. You can try to ride it out and see if that changes, or you can leave her. You obviously are leaning on the side of making it work. So all you can do brother is ride it out.
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Thanks man. i appreciate your responses. Feels good just talking about it.
Fondue Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I said this in another thread a few days ago and I'll say it again. If the relationship didn't work the first time, why put yourself through all that **** again and try again? Obviously there were issues there before, maybe it is best to not get involved with that **** again. Think about it. Find yourself a new girl.
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Should i really ive up on someone that i really care about and when everything is good im the happiest ive ever been? i wish it was that easy to just move on at the first mistake but right now i just cant do it. If only that thing from Men in Black actually existed...
marcjb Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 For getting back together to work, you must solve the problem that caused the breakup. This will usually not happen, but I'm sure it's possible. I understand how you feel about not being able to shake the feeling of her and the other guy together. Even though you two were broken up at the time, I would never take someone back that slept with someone else after they were with me. I view it just like cheating. What's supposed to happen? Breakup every time she wants to sleep with someone else, then she thinks everything can just be magical once you two are together again? No thanks. 1
seekingpeaceinlove Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) You must not have read through the thread because the OP said that he initiated the break up and she tried to get back with him for 1.5 months. She moved on and was with another guy. OP, you broke up with your gf. She had every right to do whatever she wanted thereafter. I think her only mistake is telling you the details. AGAIN, YOU broke up with her so the only reason why you're bothered is bc you're ego is rearing it's ugly head. Either get over it and give this relationship a fair chance since (in your own words) you're the happiest you've ever been or move on and let your gf find someone else. For getting back together to work, you must solve the problem that caused the breakup. This will usually not happen, but I'm sure it's possible. I understand how you feel about not being able to shake the feeling of her and the other guy together. Even though you two were broken up at the time, I would never take someone back that slept with someone else after they were with me. I view it just like cheating. What's supposed to happen? Breakup every time she wants to sleep with someone else, then she thinks everything can just be magical once you two are together again? No thanks. Edited June 18, 2014 by seekingpeaceinlove 1
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Yea i think it is just my ego. I'm not gonna put all the blame on myself but the majority of this situation is because of me. Your also right about her telling me the details or even that it happened. I guess i was more wondering what or if there is a remedy on ways to not think about this or get over it?
central Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Yea i think it is just my ego. I'm not gonna put all the blame on myself but the majority of this situation is because of me. Your also right about her telling me the details or even that it happened. I guess i was more wondering what or if there is a remedy on ways to not think about this or get over it? On the other hand, if she hadn't told you she slept with someone else after you broke up with her, and you found out later, would that have been better? You can't have it both ways, unless you're lucky enough to never find out or even suspect. I also want to ask if you slept with anyone else after you dumped her?
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Yea i don't think it would have been better down the road. And yes i was seeing someone during the break. Thats why i feel confused that im so hurt by it when i was doing the same thing with someone else.
FortunateSon Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I went through something very similar OP, I will let you know that the thought of her being with someone else during the break never went away for me, even though I did the same. We got back together for a year and half, engaged for the last six months of that, but there was always an underlying black cloud of resentment and lack of trust. Things would seem good again but were never the same. I hate to sound negative, but if you are feeling doubt and resentment now, you may want to consider moving on to a new woman without the negative baggage your current relationship has.
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Yea i have legitimately thought of moving on because i dont know if i ever will truly get over this. Maybe she feels this way too? I just dont know if i want to give up just yet though. Maybe couples counseling? Does that even work?
OwMyEyeball Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Unless it's addressed head on in a way that allows you to fully move past those feelings - and you'll know when you have - then it will end up buried in your psyche and find itself manifested in all sorts of hurtful ways for the both of you. Those kinds of feelings don't just go away. Getting past them will require a lot of introspection, intimacy and some amount of pain. The guidance of a couple's therapist can help with that. Worst case scenario is that you break it off for good. Best case scenario is that you both gain valuable insight unto yourselves and the relationship that will in turn greatly increase your level of intimacy. Your relationship will be much stronger if you can both work through it. The middle ground is trying to ignore it and work through it yourself. As another poster colourfully put it, you'll be "slow dancing in a burning room"
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Posted June 19, 2014 Yea so after having it fester in my head the past few days i finally said something about it this morning. Ended in her crying ad telling me she is sick of fighting over this and slamming the door in my face :/ i feel like such an idiot for even bringing it up now. She never asks me anything about the girl i was with. Does that mean she doesnt care?
redbaron005 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Yea so after having it fester in my head the past few days i finally said something about it this morning. Ended in her crying ad telling me she is sick of fighting over this and slamming the door in my face :/ i feel like such an idiot for even bringing it up now. She never asks me anything about the girl i was with. Does that mean she doesnt care? Yea, she still cares. I would just say something along the lines of: "I care about you, and that is why I want to be open and honest about how I am feeling about things...especially in these first few months since our break apart from each other. It's just been hard for me because I love you that much." Or something like that. Btw, what exactly did you say to her?
Author subiewifi91 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Posted June 19, 2014 I just came out and said " do you think im ever going to stop thinking about you and *****?" and from there i started trying to piece some of the things shes told me about it and she started getting emotional telling me how she doesnt ask me what position i screwed my last girl in or how many times we screwed and things along those lines. even when we are doing things as a family because we have a 2 year old daughter im still thinking about her with another man and i seriously hate it. I just want to move on from this already and just be happy but my mind wont let me. It also bothers me how she acts like nothing ever happened
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