whenitrains Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 My ex GF of 4 years and I took a break about 4 months ago. We decided to buy a house (in her name w/ her money for the down payment) about 1 1/2 years ago. She was tired of living downtown and wanted to move to the suburbs for a quieter life and more room for our 3yo Golden Retriever. I was reluctant, but embraced it as I believed it would further cement our relationship. Needless to say it was stressful owning a house. I let it get to me and our relationship deteriorated. I started drinking and further damaged our relationship. This led to her coming home several nights in a row distant. I finally pulled it out of her one night what was wrong and she said the relationship wasn't working for her anymore. I suggested multiple times that we seek couples counseling, however she repeatedly declined. We separated and after 2 1/2 months of (me mostly) trying, she threw in the towel and asked me to move out. In the time we owned the house I had filled most of it out of my own pocket despite us having a joint savings account. I should have been putting money away for a ring (she did deserve one long ago), but I didn't. I feel like this had a lot of baring on where things have ended up. Furthermore, I have spent a considerable amount working on the house, upgrades, etc. My problem is the signs I have been getting throughout our breakup. She still stays in somewhat contact. She cries and is upset every time I am over moving things out, but when I talk about reconciliation she says that she just cannot forgive some of the things that have happened in our past and every time I am home she sees me in a negative way, however when we are out of the house together things are good. One of my friends was getting married out of town (after the breakup) and we had bought plane tickets for that wedding before the breakup. Instead of canceling her ticket she decided to invite her mother to go on vacation to NYC (did not go to the wedding as it is my friend). So we were on the plane together, same layovers, and all the while she was very friendly. We even ran into each other twice in Manhattan despite not staying at the same hotels (WEIRD). On the plane ride home she tried to sit next to me with her mother to talk about hers and my time in NYC. Throughout our breakup she has seemed to keep me close. She had the house painted and asked my opinion on the color. She even had someone very creepy bid the house and was uncomfortable staying the night alone and asked me to come stay. When I did, she went to the guest bedroom to sleep. She asked me recently what kind of TVs she should by (to replace the ones I took). All the while she has been very reluctant if not down right negative to the idea of working things out. I know she is nice to my face, but behind my back talks very badly about me. She is starting to date again. She would never be on Gchat before, however in the last 3 weeks since my stuff has been leaving the house she is on it all day. Two days ago I decided I would go all in and just ask her to marry me, but everyone around me told me it was a bad idea. My parents were actually very supportive of the idea, however nobody else was. I have worked very hard in the time we split to clean myself up and change my attitudal problems that upset her. I truly believe she did/and does make me a better person. I have shifted gears and decided to go NC. The problem is my brother lives in the same neighborhood, we have lots of mutual friends, and she has the dog. I also still have a couple of things in the house (TV, Motorcycle, Patio Table), so at some point Im going to have to break NC to get those back. Saturday when I took the last big load to the storage locker she asked me to leave the keys which I did. I wish I would have gone full NC from the start of our break, I might not have been where I am today.
Chi townD Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Your problem was, is that you were filling an emotional void for her after the break up. Asking for your opinion, wanting to talk with you. If she needed anything, you would drop what you were doing and be there for her. Now, she's starting to date. So, she's looking for someone else to take that place; that void in her life and more. Once that happens, you're kicked to the curb and she's going to demonize you. I mean, she's already working towards it. You stated when the break up first happened she would cry when you came to collect your stuff. I speculate that she didn't cry the last time when she asked you to leave the keys. She's starting to date and detach from you. Sorry, dude. But it's done. I strongly recommend that you get the last of your stuff. Then, go NC on her. Go completely dark. Block her on Facebook and start making positive changes in your life.
Author whenitrains Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 I will also add 10 Months ago she decided it was time to get pregnant. I agreed to try (we had the house and the dog already). Fortunately or unfortunately we did not get pregnant in those 6 months we were trying. I honestly wasn't trying incredibly hard. I just figured if it happens it happens.
Author whenitrains Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 I appreciate the reply, than you. She actually did cry when she asked me to leave the keys. We went out to lunch, had a nice conversation and later she asked me to leave them.
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