jesha Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 People have told me time and time again that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them. Is that a load of crap, or is there some truth to it? What are your experiences with the aftermath of your breakup? How long did it take you to get over them in comparison to the length of your breakup? Having just gotten out of a three year long relationship, I'm hoping I won't feel this awful for another year and a half...
me85 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Naaa, I don't believe in that old saying at all. You'll get over them when you get over them. Don't rush it, don't force it and don't think it's never going to happen either because that's what prolongs the process.
jphcbpa Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Do not rush the lessons and healing process. There is not time limit on this most valuable experiences.
Smarty Pants Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Took me about 4 months out of a 5 year relationship. Another 3 year relationships I was over in about the same amount of time. Eventually I got sick of being sad and realized my life was about me and not another person.
Wings Of Love Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I don't really believe that. My first boyfriend and I were together for 15 months and 2 days. It took me 3 years to get over him. My recent ex and I were together for 1 year and 8 days, and though it has only been just over 11 months since we split, most of my feelings for him have died out. We all heal at our own pace. No one can put a time limit on these things.
ProcessingThisBU Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 No, I think it's complicated to put time limits to something that depends on so many things, mainly mind and heart. It's a process and we need patience with ourselves. Yes, because we need to asimilate many things. We need to asimilate that the rejection is not about us, is about them. We need to asimilate that the effort we put in the relationship can show us that we are capable of give so much love, but we need to know how to find the right person. We need to asimilate how to process the red flags on a relationship, and how to listen to them. But the most important thing, I believe, is to asimilate that we need to be happy with ourselves, not because of a partner, not put our happiness on someone else, but ourselves. Personally I'm 4 months since the breakup, 1 month NC. I was making some progress, but because I found about her life and her new relationship (by accident, 'cause some people talked about it in front of me) it set me back to day 1. I recommend strict NC. Very strict, to really begin the process of healing. I whish you the best. 1
Chi townD Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Different strokes for different folks. Some people tend to get better more quickly than others. Just depends on the person and how they handle their healing. I will say that the length of the relationship does tend to matter with the healing process. If you have someone that got dumped after a 4 year relationship versus someone that got dumped over a 6 month relationship; I tend to say that the person with 4 years invested will take a bit more time to heal than someone with only six months invested.
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I have always heard that. While I don't think healing can be precisely measured on a calendar, you should not expect a quick recovery from a long, deep relationship
True Gent Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I think that particular saying is rubbish really. If it were true I'd need 4.5 years to get over my breakup and I can safely say that at 8 months now, it's not going take anywhere near 4.5 years. I'm not 100% over it as every day she pops into my head, and I still feel anger over how she treated me at the end. The thing is I'm doing way, way better than I imagined I would. I think my biggest hurdle at the moment is trying to shake the jaded attitude I seem to have right now. I'm sure I'll get there, maybe after 12 or 18 months post breakup I'll be completely over it. Like others have said there is no time limit and no need to rush. You'll know you're healed when you aren't thinking about it anymore, until then do everything and anything you want to do for you.
Elle1975 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 People have told me time and time again that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them. Is that a load of crap, or is there some truth to it? What are your experiences with the aftermath of your breakup? How long did it take you to get over them in comparison to the length of your breakup? Having just gotten out of a three year long relationship, I'm hoping I won't feel this awful for another year and a half... Load of crap. No worries. Everybody has different speeds when it comes to get over an ex, but surely not "half the length of the relationship".
OwMyEyeball Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 It's only human to want answers to everything. Or at least some solid guidance. So it's only natural that this kind of "rule" would spring up and gain any kind of traction. It's horse ****
Mistercash Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Its been about 6 weeks after BU for me. The rs lasted for 15 months. At the rate I'm going, I should be fine by the end of summer or before. So, yeah. It usually just depends on the person.
oracle Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I hope its not 8yrs before I am over it.... To be honest "Over it" "Moved On" Those aren't terms I really buy into. Anything that was important to you, should leave somewhat of an indelible mark. The really big relationships that span decades and formative parts of your life - those take their chunk of flesh, and you don't get that back. Just scar tissue.
Justaguy30 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 The worst mistake you could make is jumping into another relationship without taking the time to properly heal yourself. It is not fair to you or the other person. I am sure that this varies from relationship to relationship. Many factors are at play. How much you cared, if children were involved, relationships with your partners family friends ect. If there was abuse in the relationship and so on. For me most of my relationships have been shorter like maybe 8 months or so all of which I have had no trouble moving past within weeks. The longest was 4 years and it was kind of on again off again and I was much younger but it took me a few years to fully get over her. She was a cheater and I would say my first real love. My most recent relationship was the most serious to me and I had never felt love like that before plus there was a lot of mental physical abuse directed towards me. I am 3 months out and its better but I am no where near healed and I doubt I will be for a very long time. Basically there is no way to gauge how long it takes. Everyone is different and everyone heals in their own way.
LostConfused123 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 About 2 weeks to get over an 8 year relationship.(not most recent) Still grieving over 6 month relationship (ended last October) Go figure!! Makes NO SENSE!!! The human heart is a strange organ indeed!! Best of luck in your healing! ((hugs!!))
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I don't know if I believe in that rule, but... I am currently at 18 months after a 3 year RS. So hopefully, I'm right there And I've done everything in the last year and a half to get over her, including packing all my shyte and moving to a new state where I knew no one, had no job and no prospects. As well as all of the less evasive techniques / strategies as well, including spending a lot of time here on LS The problem is, the healing is so gradual, you can't really observe it. I'm 100% sure I am loads better than I was, but yet, I still struggle. The other thing that compounds the process, is digging deep into your own issues. Although necessary, it just piles more stuff on top of your already bruised and battered ego and psyche. At least that's what I notice has been happening to me. The good news is I am discovering so many important things that have needed attention for many years. A lot of self-realization. All you can do is work on yourself, stay positive, soldier on and let the universe do what it needs to do with you
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 The human heart is a strange organ indeed!! And, oddly enough, the last thing to burn up during cremation. One tough muscle...
Simon Phoenix Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Not in my experience. I've had longer relationships that I got over pretty quickly, but the one that brought me here was short and easily took me the longest to get over. There are a lot of factors in play. Honestly, don't get caught all worried about a timetable -- it takes as long as it takes. There are ways to make it go quicker (NC, meeting new people, dedicating yourself to improvements), but as long as you don't cut corners, you'll make it out on the other end in due time.
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