ByMyself01 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I met and fell in love with a guy and now we have finally gotten to the point where we agreed to be serious, but I have a problem. He has a daughter that I am extremely jealous of. I am jealous for 1 of 2 reasons, for one because I don't have kids yet and would like to have some and for 2 because he bases our time together for when he has to watch his daughter. The mother of his daughter already stated that she doesn't like me and if he has me around his daughter she will call an Amber Alert on him and me. SO everytime he has to watch his daughter, he has to go to his parent's house with her and it irritates me because I want to be around him more. And what makes me mad the most is that she drops the baby off with him whenever she wants to hang out with her man and ruin our fun together. I accept his daughter, but I just feel like it is causing a wrench between our relationship. We talked about getting married, but how can we have a successful, happy marriage with him having to leave all the time to watch his daughter at his parent's house so that his child's mother will not call an Amber Alert? Then, if we have kids, I'm not going to want him to leave me and our kids just to babysit his daughter. I told him this numerous of times and I told him he should try to work something out with the mother. I really do love him and I know many people say to leave but I do try to understand he's doing the best he can to be in his daughter's life but it's causing me to be jealous because he let's his child's mother have too much control and say so of their daughter and I'm jealous of the time that he cuts with me to be at his parent's house with his daughter so I might not get to see him for a whole week. And no he's not cheating because we Skype whenever he's at his parent's house all day. How should I handle this situation? Anyone with step-parent experience please help me because I don't have kids and this step-parent thing is new to me.
BikerAccnt Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 This isn't really a step-parent issue, it's an ex-wife issue. He needs to stand up to her and stop her nonsense. If he loves you, and plans on a future with YOU, he needs to put the Ex-s threats to bed. 2
Elle1975 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I met and fell in love with a guy and now we have finally gotten to the point where we agreed to be serious, but I have a problem. He has a daughter that I am extremely jealous of. I am jealous for 1 of 2 reasons, for one because I don't have kids yet and would like to have some and for 2 because he bases our time together for when he has to watch his daughter. The mother of his daughter already stated that she doesn't like me and if he has me around his daughter she will call an Amber Alert on him and me. SO everytime he has to watch his daughter, he has to go to his parent's house with her and it irritates me because I want to be around him more. And what makes me mad the most is that she drops the baby off with him whenever she wants to hang out with her man and ruin our fun together. I accept his daughter, but I just feel like it is causing a wrench between our relationship. We talked about getting married, but how can we have a successful, happy marriage with him having to leave all the time to watch his daughter at his parent's house so that his child's mother will not call an Amber Alert? Then, if we have kids, I'm not going to want him to leave me and our kids just to babysit his daughter. I told him this numerous of times and I told him he should try to work something out with the mother. I really do love him and I know many people say to leave but I do try to understand he's doing the best he can to be in his daughter's life but it's causing me to be jealous because he let's his child's mother have too much control and say so of their daughter and I'm jealous of the time that he cuts with me to be at his parent's house with his daughter so I might not get to see him for a whole week. And no he's not cheating because we Skype whenever he's at his parent's house all day. How should I handle this situation? Anyone with step-parent experience please help me because I don't have kids and this step-parent thing is new to me. She is a child, and the bond father/daughter is strong. I would say, spend some time with her. Have him tag along to avoid unnecessary drama. Get to know her. What does she like? Would she enjoy watching Train your dragon 2? etc.. She probably can feel your resentment, and if you can't accept his daughter (and not just that he has "a" daughter), call it.
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 If you are not married to the father you are not a step parent. You are dad's GF. I'm assuming the daughter is young. The EX sounds nuts & her threats are a mis use of the amber alert system. Your BF needs to abide by his custody agreement. If he's OK with only seeing his kids under the circumstances set forth I would want to know why he's not sticking up for himself. 2
Andy_K Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 He has to stand up to her, call her bluff if necessary. I've got a young daughter from a previous relationship, and although my ex would never cause any trouble, there is no way I'd stand for the sort of controlling that is going on here. If her can't stand up to her, there's no future in this. 2
Strength in Healing Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Lol call an amber alert? Tell her to get the hell outta here. Clearly that idiot doesn't know what constitutes one. In fact, get her to do it. She'll wind up losing all custody. 2
GoBlue Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I am sorry to inform you but being jealous of his daughter is going to completely undermine any real relationship you want to have with this man. There are definitely things that can be done so that a better agreement can be made between he and his ex-wife. Additionally, this whole Amber Alert non-sense is just a ploy for control. To me it sounds like you think your boyfriend should build his time and energy around you and put his daughter in second place. Think about that for a minute - would you really want to marry and have kids with a man who would do that? His daughter isn't going anywhere young lady and you are going to have to look at this relationship in a very honest and objective manner. A proper perspective would bring balance to your thinking on this issue.
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