kalanga1 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Hi, my ex broke up with me a month ago. We dated for about 4 years, and she broke up without any warning. She said that she stopped loving me for sometime and that she didnt knew that , she continued our relationship because she wanted to be with me (her words) ... well, she broke up like that and i kinda got slapped hard in my face. She made it very clear that it was a goodbye. I realise now, that our relation wasnt as good as i thought. We would always do the same thing, every week. And our time together was limited. I feel bad for not realising it before. Now, about a month after the BU,obviously i still like her, and i know that as i am, i cant go back to her, we would go back to the same thing, and i dont want that. I need to get everything i learned with her and be someone better, but for some reason i cant detach from the past. Detach from somewhat happy times sure is hard. I cant stop thinking about her, its all on little things, " is she doing good, does she have any problem?", but i know that i have to stop this... I sended her a text two weeks ago to come and get some of her stuff ( she said that she would come when she had time, but so far nothing), i do want her to come and get her stuff, but im afraid im just trying to see her again, and thats why i wont send her anything any time soon. I'm still friends with her on facebook, even though i removed her from chat and removed her from my feed, but i still "stalk" her profile.Sometimes when she posts anything i kinda go nuts and fantasize things, but deep down i know that what she does now, doesnt concern me. I dont want to block her because we broke up in " somewhat " good terms, and i dont wish her any bad. What shoud i do to detach from her? Is blocking her on facebook really important? Is it just a matter of time?
somegoodman Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 1) Imagine her getting older, fatter, more irritating, etc. 2) Realize that women are never happy and always chasing the bigger better thing. Realize it us mostly outside of your control. 3) Work on killing all romantic feelings you have for her. Any thought of her you must immediately reframe into a negative emotion. 4) Resolve to never contact her again for any reason. Be serious about it, make it a commitment. 5) Read stories of guys who have gone through this and come out the end better. They all have a lot in common, namely that they couldn't care less about her anymore and can't believe they wasted so much time thinking about her. 6) Read novels and watch films about strong males who make their own path without getting bogged down in long term relationships and other useless sentimentality. Get inspired. 7) Get outside your comfort zone. Force yourself into situations and events you normally wouldn't. 8) Change your appearance for the better. Recreate yourself.
Mistercash Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 2 of my exes have fell all the way off and are just unattractive to me now (they got fatter). Also, they are single moms. Your ex falling off is bound to happen. She dumped you? Make yourself better. I'm willing to bet you will get the last laugh.
Author kalanga1 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Posted June 19, 2014 What if she is already fat? :laugh: joking I'm moving on already. Got a part-time job while im finishing my Masters and I'm changing my habits. Its just so hard to detach from the past, and i felt the need of talking
Alcatraz Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 1)6) Read novels and watch films about strong males who make their own path without getting bogged down in long term relationships and other useless sentimentality. Get inspired. This is a great idea, any recommendations?
somegoodman Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 This is a great idea, any recommendations? Based on my personal preferences, I can recommend the original 007 novels by Ian Fleming. The literary James Bond is quite different from the untouchable superhuman depicted in the films. In fact he often gets burned by women and even gets married once (she dies). Fleming knew women well and it comes across in his work. Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe novels are excellent, especially the Long Goodbye. Marlowe is tough, wise, cynical, self-reliant...sure he is just a character in a pulp fictional world but it never hurts to gain inspiration from the way "things ought to be". As far as movies, I would recommend "Once Upon a Time in the West". It is a spaghetti western and one of the best films ever made. My favorite character is Harmonica, played by Charles Bronson so you know he's a badass. 1
Hello201 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Regarding her stuff pack it up in a bag or boxes take it rocher house if possible leave it outside her door (safely you don't want it getting stolen) knock on the door and disapeer , unfriend from fbook you don't need to look at her, block numbers and start to move on properly , You can do it my friend Good luck
Author kalanga1 Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 Regarding her stuff pack it up in a bag or boxes take it rocher house if possible leave it outside her door (safely you don't want it getting stolen) knock on the door and disapeer , unfriend from fbook you don't need to look at her, block numbers and start to move on properly , You can do it my friend Good luck Its a laptop. Even if it is kinda old and broken, i cant just leave it around. If she doenst come get it, i will fix it and keep it
JDPT Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 To be honest, and albeit you may not agree with my assessment, I believe you are way ahead of the game. The fact that you subconsciously acknowledge the fact that you must move forward with your life and extract the good from the bad puts you at a far superior state. It won't be easy (as you are already experiencing) and this will only come with time. I'm just a little over a year post BU and with rigorous amount of effort set on my behalf I can say that I'm in a "much better" place than I was just a year ago. Start with the fundamentals of full blown out NC, and apply the "what you don't know won't hurt" concept. You are highly vulnerable at this point in your life and any little thing that you encounter along the way that may pertain to her will completely throw you off balance. No, you aren't masking your emotions or running away from anything, you are just simply guarding yourself as you are the only person that matters from this point forward. The process does not have to be perfect, you can only adhere to it the best you can, allow yourself to feel and think with your brain in order to pave a better future. Hang strong friend you will get to breathe again.
Author kalanga1 Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 Yday would be my 4year aniversary, if my ex didnt broke up. I posted on fb a song by Pear Jam - " Black " and a quote that said “You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the **** on.” This was me telling myself to let go, and that was fine.. The strange thing was, my ex liked it. I dont really know what she was thinking by doing that, i didnt like it, because it can make me start thinking sh*t all over again ... But, then i saw this article on elitedaily.com and it was really nice "People make a big deal about firsts when it comes to romance: first kisses, first dates, first times, and don’t forget that wistful, reminiscent sigh of remembrance old folks let out when they recall their first loves. Don’t get me wrong; your first love is great, but it also generally leads to that first gut-wrenching, soul-sucking heartbreak. Everyone knows it sucks to get your heart broken. Maybe you were naïve with your first love. Maybe you had no real understanding of the fact that essentially, all love stories end and many of them end badly. So, maybe your first heartbreak caught you off guard. Maybe you were so innocent and so pure that your heart actually ripped out at the hand of someone you really trusted. Or, maybe you were like me: a cynical child of divorce who fell in love completely by accident and felt like an idiot when that heart-smashing sledgehammer finally did its dirty work. And then, well, sh*t. When your first love ends, insecurities are abound. Are you undesirable? Think you have a bad personality? Though none of those are true. The truth remains that you weren’t good enough for that person to love you any longer. Regardless, there’s a reason this love is called your first love — not your last. So, here’s to the second loves. That’s right; second loves really get the shaft when it comes to getting due credit in our romantic timelines. Cheers to them, though, because the second loves are the ones who really matter, even more so than the first. Your second love is the one who came along and saved your heart after it was smashed. After you lost your doe-eyed innocence and wised up to the perils of love, good ole love number two was there. When you thought you were tragically imperfect, impossible and perhaps, unloveable, your second love gave you the opportunity to love and be loved once more. The great thing about second loves is that they are often unexpected. Perhaps you swore you’d never love again or were timid about finding someone new after things went sour the first time around. All loves are different, of course, and your second will surely be different from your first. Perhaps your second love will pale in comparison to your first love. Then again, maybe your second love will feel like so much more than your first. It doesn’t matter; what does matter is the fact that you’ve had love and heartbreak but have been able to love after heartbreak. A second love gives you reason to continue to believe in love, but more importantly, it gives you perspective. Love is not only about having someone or about being in a relationship. Love is an ability that you have and no person or heartbreak — no coming or going of a significant other — can extinguish that ability. You fell in and out of love once and survived, then, you found the ability to fall in love again. So, if and when that second love passes, you’ll know that heartbreak does not destroy; you keep going. Being in love, or not being in love, does not make your heart beat. Others do not define your ability to give love. You, and only you, do. And that’s a pretty powerful thing. " I just though it would be nice to share with u guys and girls 1
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