Strength in Healing Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 So, I have seen a few topics here and there talking about how screwed up people who use OLD are. Is this true, overall? I made an account once, I think it was on OKC or POF I don't remember now, and the first message I got was "why are you even on here?". I quickly closed the account, assuming it was understood that people who use online dating are broken in some way(s). Is this true? Or is it just free dating sites?
PegNosePete Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Not true at all. Empty vessels make the most noise.
mammasita Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I dont think its true at all. I met up with onw of my girlfriends for happy hour on Friday and we were discussiong how "normal" it is now to meet your SO on line. I made a comment about how I thought about 80% of the bar probably had an OLD profile.
J21 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 So, I have seen a few topics here and there talking about how screwed up people who use OLD are. Is this true, overall? I made an account once, I think it was on OKC or POF I don't remember now, and the first message I got was "why are you even on here?". I quickly closed the account, assuming it was understood that people who use online dating are broken in some way(s). Is this true? Or is it just free dating sites? Are you so self conscious that someone's message spooked you to close your account? Jeez man. No, it's not true everyone is screwed up overall. What kind of generalization is that? There are good honest people just looking to find their significant other. And of course, there are other people looking for something casual and not serious. You cant throw everything into 1 bag and label it "screwed up people". That's ridiculous.
PegNosePete Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I made a comment about how I thought about 80% of the bar probably had an OLD profile. Yes, you're probably quite right. Online Dating Statistics | Statistic Brain
Author Strength in Healing Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Are you so self conscious that someone's message spooked you to close your account? Jeez man. It was 5 years or so ago, and I think I was quite self conscious back then due to a breakup. Alas, people keep saying -- why aren't these people meeting people in REAL life? Why are they resorting to online dating? That's a question that stopped me from really ever making another account.
martaldn Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I met nice people from OLD website but things didnt work for different reasons, non of them were screwed up though ( only 1 I met from Tinder - completely a junkie i had to run away from ) and i dont think I am broken either ( or maybe I am and I havent realized it yet lol ) I have been asked the same question too - what the hell i was doing there - :rolleyes:
PegNosePete Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Alas, people keep saying -- why aren't these people meeting people in REAL life? Why are they resorting to online dating? If you're so easily offended then maybe you're right to delete your profile. It's not a place for the overly sensitive, or people so easily swayed by other people's opinions, however outdated. 1
jphcbpa Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 met my last ex on match attempted to get back on just recently. noticed much more women this time around had deal killers for me (multiple selfies, photos with them and her kids, photos in the car, fishlips ect). I decided to back off and hang out with myself a little longer...let go and allow something to happen organically....give it 6 months and see where I am in the new year.
Gaeta Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Alas, people keep saying -- why aren't these people meeting people in REAL life? Why are they resorting to online dating? Let me guess, people saying that have been in relationship for a considerate amount of time. I get that all the time, I tell them they have NO idea what it is to be single nowadays in my age range. I am not 20 with 675 friends on FB and bar hopping 3 nights a week. 2
Andy_K Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 when someone says 'why are you online?' it normally means they think you're a way better catch than the others. You should be getting a date from that, not running a mile.
Author Strength in Healing Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 when someone says 'why are you online?' it normally means they think you're a way better catch than the others. You should be getting a date from that, not running a mile. No, I understand. I left out the part she said I was gorgeous at the beginning, and then asked that question. There was no need for me to post that part in my post before, as it would just seem like an attempt at a stealth brag. So long story short, I got where she was going with it, but on one side of the coin yes it was a compliment, but on the other side, it was saying that these websites are for outcasts or something. I don't know, but this site surely doesn't help enforce that OLD is okay, as there's probably been 20+ posts in the past day bashing it.
Sunfire73 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Met my current bf on Match. But that's after 2 yrs and meeting around 20+ guys. This is my best relationship so far, but if i ever find myself single again, i'm hesitant to go back online and start again. I might want to look into Meetup groups instead.
normal person Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) Alas, people keep saying -- why aren't these people meeting people in REAL life? Why are they resorting to online dating? Well you made an account too. Why weren't you meeting people in real life? There's your answer. I find a lot of people start OLD as dipping a toe back in the dating pool after a break up. Everyone's circumstances are different. And merely having an OLD profile doesn't mean you also aren't meeting people in real life too. It's an amazing supplement. If you insist on meeting people just in real life, you're limiting yourself just to coincidence. With OLD you can see thousands of people you'd never see otherwise. It's the most efficient way of finding what you want. And I can't speak for everyone else, but I've never had an issue meeting quality girls on there. Broadway stars, Ivy league grads, etc. I went out with a gorgeous doctor just last night. It's hardly an online leper colony. I don't know, but this site surely doesn't help enforce that OLD is okay, as there's probably been 20+ posts in the past day bashing it. I'd venture a guess that a lot of people who have trouble with it are the same people who have trouble meeting people in real life. They think making a profile will be a magic bullet that cures all their shortcomings and then blame the technology for the lack of success. Also keep in mind this is a place where people come to seek advice for problems. It's not so often people would make a thread like "OLD is pretty good. I have no issues with it." Edited June 18, 2014 by normal person 1
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Everybody everywhere is screwed up to some extent. OL it's easier to hide behind a screen. IRL you are more compelled to be polite which is what makes it seem that people OL are more screwed up because they don't always have to face the consequences of their actions. OLD is one tool to help you meet new people. It's not the be all end all.
Mrin Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 The people you can meet on OLD are fine. Like others have said - everyone's doing it so you have the same mix of messed up/not messed up that you would have anywhere. I think a lot of the frustration you hear about OLD is the relative lack of investment (by either party) in the initial phase of dating. Think about it this way. If you get set up/meet a dating prospect through family relations, you are quite invested from the get go. Doesn't mean it will go anywhere but you will show a good deal of courtesy in the courtship in terms of communications etc right? Because if you don't, there will be repercussions in terms of your family or seeing this person again. A step down from that are people you meet through friends. You're not just going to blow that person off or are less likely to. A step further down from that is the lady you met at a bar etc... You have no ties to her other than the two of you. If you just blow her off, it isn't that big of a deal right? But you like that bar and you might see her again there and don't want it to be awkward. Well OLD is again one step down from that in terms of investment. These are complete strangers with whom you have little commonality. And instead of just one, there are 3 or 5 or 10 or 20 that you may be talking with/dating over the course of a few months. What grows out of that environment is a culture where you are quick to make decisions, have lots of moving parts, little investment and low communication. It can manifest itself with people expressing frustration about OLD user's pickiness or flakiness. But that's just the name of the game and you get used to it pretty quickly. A few of my rules of the OLD road: 1. Nothing is real until you meet in person 2. So meet in person quickly 3. You aren't "dating" until you've been out on at least 3 dates with her 4. Photos: she probably doesn't look any better than she does in her photos. Women are far better at picking flattering photos that show her best attributes 5. Don't be a douche. Be upfront. If you're not feeling it. Let her know. Say what you want in terms of a relationship and be truthful. Don't pound square pegs into round holes because you're lonely. 6. If after X dates you're really digging her, then stop the OLD dating rollercoaster with others. You don't have to have to "exclusivity" talk. Just do it for yourself. Good luck! 6
TheBladeRunner Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I think regarding people being messed up or broken you can find that anywhere. It may seem worse on OLD because there are so many more options. What I am trying to say is that it's easier for me to get a date via OLD than IRL. That being said, since I get more dates from OLD I run into more quirky personalities. I just met someone I am seeing though OLD, but my prior date that I met IRL had some serious issues she needed to lay to rest. Either way, you can meet a messed up person anywhere IMO.
ExposedBrick Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 And merely having an OLD profile doesn't mean you also aren't meeting people in real life too. It's an amazing supplement. If you insist on meeting people just in real life, you're limiting yourself just to coincidence. With OLD you can see thousands of people you'd never see otherwise. It's the most efficient way of finding what you want. I'd venture a guess that a lot of people who have trouble with it are the same people who have trouble meeting people in real life. They think making a profile will be a magic bullet that cures all their shortcomings and then blame the technology for the lack of success. Also keep in mind this is a place where people come to seek advice for problems. It's not so often people would make a thread like "OLD is pretty good. I have no issues with it." I agree with most of the post. However, OLD is not efficient! I'd say it's the least efficient way to meet people. When you meet face to face, regardless of the format, you learn so much more about the person in 30 seconds than you do looking at a profile. You can't judge body language, voice, or affect, which are probably more critical than your shared interest in basket weaving. I have to say most of the 30-40 women I have met via match, OKC, or Tinder were all single for a reason. A lot of women have poor social skills/socially awkward, have mental disease, are on the rebound. That's not to day this doesn't occur in real life, you might just end up wasting time going on dates with people you would never consider if you met them in person. This doesn't even include the fact that pictures are usually not a good representation. Some people look worse, some better, some as advertised. On the other hand, it can certainly be helpful to meet new people. I'd just be aware that it truly is mega numbers game.
Fondue Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I met a lot really great women online. There are definitely gems out there, man. Just give it a try. ______________ There was one that I thought was a bit off and weird. But after she revealed some information, I understood why she was a bit weird. It was mostly because of her lack of dating experience, being a foreigner, and also being a virgin. She was super surprised that I held her hand on the first date, and was thrown off guard when I kissed her on the second. After that, she became superrrrr clingy and wacko. I didn't understand that she had never dated before this, so I just did my "normal" pace. I had to get rid of her. SHe still emails me from time to time to give me a heads up on her life and what I assume, trying to make me "jealous" with all the fun she is having. I have yet to reply to any of her emails, but... she still sends them! She's a nut.
Snakechammah Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Well I was a former member of OLD and I sure hope I'm not 'screwed up or anything'! Neither is my boyfriend. We're normal people lucky enough to meet online and develop real feelings through OLD. It's a great tool if used wisely.
KathyM Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 A lot of people use OLD, both weirdos and very normal and nice people. I know several people who have met their SO through OLD who are not at all screwed up. Just some nice folks that are using another form of finding dating partners.
BikerAccnt Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 People are screwed up everywhere, sad but true. I include myself in that of course.
bene Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I agree with most of the post. However, OLD is not efficient! I'd say it's the least efficient way to meet people. When you meet face to face, regardless of the format, you learn so much more about the person in 30 seconds than you do looking at a profile. You can't judge body language, voice, or affect, which are probably more critical than your shared interest in basket weaving. I am not arguing that people should not meet in real life but if you are not super confident and extraverted it is far easier to approach people who have set up a dating profile indicating that they want to be approached in a first place. And OLD provides a wider pool of people than the ones you meet in your daily life. All these things like voice, body language etc come into play anyway when you meet in real life. OLD is just a way of making contact.
Frank2thepoint Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Yes, you're probably quite right. Online Dating Statistics | Statistic Brain From the article: Total eHarmony members 15,500,000 Total Match.com members 21,575,000 Doesn't say how many are active. Percent of male online dating users 52.4 % Percent of female online dating users 47.6 % Online dating will always be a sausage fest. Percent who say common interests are the most important factor 64 % Percent who say physical characteristics are the most important factor 49 % If you consider that one common interest would be looks, then it means majority of online daters will primarily focus on looks. This would support the argument that online dating is a just a shopping catalog for pretty things. Girls Prefer Nice Guys 38 % Bad Guys 15 % Blend of Both 34 % Guys, you have to be a badass sweetheart. Guys Prefer The modern career girl 42 % The girl next door type 34 % What the hell is "the girl next door type"? Is it a girl that lounges around the house, watching soaps/novellas, while munching on cheetos, and texting all day? Or is it simply a modern career girl, that happens to live next door to a guy? A woman’s desirablility[sic] online peaks at 21 At 26, Women have more online pursuers than men By 48, Men have twice as many online pursuers as Women Guys, just hold out until you are 48, then you will be pursued more than women were when they were 26.
littleplanet Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 One day, OLD will get old, perhaps. Until then, it will always work for some, and not for others. The only site I ever tapped into of that nature.......I got lost in the forums, and pretty much ignored the profiles. I do everything in here pretty much exactly the same as out there.....yak my head off with people. Love it. Social noise. (Drowns out the bad tunes, commercials and people always trying to sell me something) Provides an excellent cultural diversion and alternative to tv. And I do heartily agree: 5 seconds of real life contact can provide infinite information about what you really want to know about someone - than endless media exposure.....(if you happen to be motivated by romance and chemistry.) But net activity precluding real world experience? For it to work, of course - you actually have to meet real people. I think of it as a giant screening process. Selective activity that (for some) narrows the thing down to scientific precision. I don't meet people with romance in mind (I'm very taken) so the whole thing is relaxed......but looking at it from the outside - what intrigues me is the difference between the ones it works for, and the ones it doesn't. - and why. I know quite a few people now, who have had long and successful relationships with someone they met online. And I also know a few of the opposite. The difference? Hard to tell. Would all of these have exactly the same track record if the internet didn't exist? Perhaps. Do I think that social media can make some people more emotionally transient, superficial, scattered and less focused? Absolutely. But, like anything......some also use it to advantage. So there it is. My final parting shot: The next time I find two friends having a "lovers' spat" over text.........I swear I'm going to kidnap both their iphones and perform serious serial phonicide upon them!
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