d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I'm going to disagree with Gaeta here simply because I think she's missing what I perceive to be your BF's immaturity. That's not a crack just an observation because you are both young. I think his statement that he was OK with waiting & calling you sweetheart were indications that he is in this for the long haul. The follow up about really wanting to have sex with you was more like a badly phrased compliment. I got the sense that he was trying to let you know how desirable he found you but he didn't have the sophistication to pull that off. You know him. We don't. To the extent you are getting a selfish vibe from him, not having sex is an even better decision on your part.
Els Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I want to reiterate what Gaeta says; someone who really cares about you will not keep pressuring you, especially if he knows what is at stake for you. He is also giving you wrong immigration advice (whether intentionally or unintentionally, I don't know). If you are serious about immigration, you need to talk to an advisor. It's good that you are choosing to wait.
GoBlue Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I'm not sure still about sex , cuz I want to and don't want to have it at the same time. He said he wants me to be his first and last So, your hormones are bursting making you want to have sex...hello, nothing new here. Maybe you should stop sleeping together in the same bed. My experience tells me that when you put yourself into certain situations you can expect certain outcomes. From the above quote I would gather that there really is a battle going on within you. You want to but you don't want to. You want to wait but you don't want to wait. The one thing that is certain - you can't undo the first time. The second thing that is absolutely clear is the fact that you are taking all the risks while he assumes none. He clearly doesn't understand your culture or he just doesn't care. Love never puts it's own selfish needs ahead of the welfare of the other. By the way, on a side note, just because a culture is conservative doesn't mean that those people are closed minded. Likewise, just because a culture thinks premarital sex is great doesn't mean that those people are open minded. There are good reasons to believe that sex is best saved for marriage - both practical and relational. It is a little extreme to believe that death is a proper response to a person who has premarital sex, that is for sure. But why would you put your life in danger for a short term pleasure? 1
Author Lona.loba Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 By the way, on a side note, just because a culture is conservative doesn't mean that those people are closed minded. Likewise, just because a culture thinks premarital sex is great doesn't mean that those people are open minded. There are good reasons to believe that sex is best saved for marriage - both practical and relational. It is a little extreme to believe that death is a proper response to a person who has premarital sex, that is for sure. But why would you put your life in danger for a short term pleasure? Ok no trust me my culture is really closed minded not just cuz they don't except sex before marriage but because if they see a girl talking to a guy just talking they would assume its wrong and might punish the girl, if a girl gets rapped they assume that the girl is the one that did the wrong thing and they won't help her to get better but instead they might kill her. In marriage a girl married the guy tht her parents think is right she has no opinion of him until the marriage day. They think that dying part of ur hair pink or blue or whäever color is wrong which I've done. Luckily my own family is more more open minded than that and they let me hang out with guys, they made me go to a mixed school , and they give me some sort of freedom tht isn't there IB my country but still that freedom to me isn't enough that's why I never wanna go back there, my dad knows how it's like to immigrate so he supports me, he loved 25 years in the USA
Author Lona.loba Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 I'm going to disagree with Gaeta here simply because I think she's missing what I perceive to be your BF's immaturity. That's not a crack just an observation because you are both young. I think his statement that he was OK with waiting & calling you sweetheart were indications that he is in this for the long haul. The follow up about really wanting to have sex with you was more like a badly phrased compliment. I got the sense that he was trying to let you know how desirable he found you but he didn't have the sophistication to pull that off. You know him. We don't. To the extent you are getting a selfish vibe from him, not having sex is an even better decision on your part. I wish this is what he really intends but I don't seem to have a clue . He actualy does really care about me and love me if he didnt then why did he wait two complete years for me to come, why does he let me live in his house against his moms wishes, why does he make me feel like the prettiest girl on earyh , why does he bother to cook me food lol He really makes me feel special and I wish thä what u site is the right thing cuz he didnt force me to he told me ok
Author Lona.loba Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 I want to reiterate what Gaeta says; someone who really cares about you will not keep pressuring you, especially if he knows what is at stake for you. He is also giving you wrong immigration advice (whether intentionally or unintentionally, I don't know). If you are serious about immigration, you need to talk to an advisor. It's good that you are choosing to wait. He does really care about me, but we are both young and still a bit Naieve, he is an immigrant himself from Europe, but he was really young when his family immigrated
GoBlue Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Thanks for clarifying what you meant by "closed minded". I do understand that not all cultures are created equal. My primary concern is the over sexualization of cultures like my own. Sure, there are plenty of people that will tell you to go ahead and indulge in sex before you get married. They will not tell you, however, about the emotional damage that happens when you think your are giving yourself to someone who says they love you only to have them "change their mind" or "fall out of love" when it comes time to make a commitment. They don't tell you what it's like to have an unplanned pregnancy and face life as a single-parent (they will tell you to go ahead and get an abortion though since it was "unplanned"). They don't even tell you about the large number of sexually transmitted diseases many of which do not have a cure. So to summarize: sex before marriage can affect your emotional health, your physical health, and your hopes and dreams for the future. Maybe thinking deeply about these facts can help override the impulses of your hormones. Just one view - Hoping for the best for you. Blessings!
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