OOTW Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) Hi all, I've never posted on any online forums in the past, especially about my relationships. Therefore this will be a first. I've always been a 'bottle it up and forget' type of person but I REALLY need to get this off my chest. So here I go: Background Info: My common law boyfriend began dating approximately 2 years ago. We worked together, he was manager and we hit off right away. We've lived together for 1.5 years now and everything was great until recently. There's a wedding coming up in a few days which he was originally not invited to. It is for his boss/"friend" of 10 years and his fioncee which I considered her to be a pretty close friend for a year now. She threw a bridal shower a couple of months ago which I did a TON for. I helped set up and was one of the last people to leave etc. However, to my dismay she threw a bingo game and one of the cards had the date of their wedding on it and throughout the entire thing mutual friends kept asking, "did you book your flight yet" "you should do it soon;" they were getting married in Jamaica (he makes a lot of money from people working like slaves i.e. my boyfriend and I once upon a time). I felt SUPER uncomfortable because it was clear me and my boyfriend didn't recieve an invite. So I called her out on it and she acted like she knew nothing of it (which of course she did because she planned basically everything) and then I spoke to her fionce and told him, "look I'm not stupid, I know you knew about this, but he's your "friend" and you cannot do that to him. He was so hurt by this." And I acknowledge I was being supergirlfriend at that point but hes timid when it comes to him because he's his boss before friend. So he makes up an excuse on spot and says "I was going to invite him later, of course you guys are invited.." So he's happy now, asks me to book the flight etc and so I do. Since I left that job, I haven't been making as much (but I'm much more happier) so therefore, my boyfriend covered the trip. Sometime later we start having some MAJOR relationship issues and arguing a lot. We had one really big fight about 3 weeks ago which got a bit physical. SO he decided to call his "friend"/boss and tell him about it. He says to him, "look man, I don't want your girl at my wedding. Cancel her trip." And what did he do, cancel my portion of the trip and leaves his. WITHOUT talking to me first at least and before resolving our previous quarrel. I mean, I'm respectful, I wouldn't show up where I'm not wanted but WTF? He knows my bf can be aggressive and a real jerk sometimes, but it's all my fault all of a sudden? Anyway, I got upset for sure. I sent him a message telling to stay out of my business and sent his wife-to-be a msg asking her why she didnt tell me that they didnt want me there.. for sure she must have known but didn't say a word to me (but blew up my phone about her freaking bachelorette party, as well), she didn't respond. I was upset at this point and called her out on spilling her maid-of-honours' secrets and she's not a good friend AT ALL. She cried and told her husband-to-be and he fought her battle for her with my bf. Long story short, he created so much tension in our relationship by doing that, I felt like he made him choose between his wedding, which I hear about nonstop and me. If it were me, I would've told him I have more important things to worry about like making amend with my gf that I "love" and would've politely declined to even go at all. Thats not a friend because he wouldnt have made him choose between more arguements and an event and I'd NEVER do this to him. Quite frankly, he chose his "friend's" wedding over me, the same "friend" that didn't tell my bf that his ex was cheating on him and using him for money, because I'm writing on a forum about this and my "bf" just walked out of the door with his luggage. I even bought an f'n dress for the wedding........ Edited June 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
TigerLilly78 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Why are you letting other peoples drama affect your relationship? doing so is a choice choose to not allow it simple..
fred123 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Hi all, I've never posted on any online forums in the past, especially about my relationships. Therefore this will be a first. I've always been a 'bottle it up and forget' type of person but I REALLY need to get this off my chest. So here I go: Background Info: My common law boyfriend began dating approximately 2 years ago. We worked together, he was manager and we hit off right away. We've lived together for 1.5 years now and everything was great until recently. There's a wedding coming up in a few days which he was originally not invited to. It is for his boss/"friend" of 10 years and his fioncee which I considered her to be a pretty close friend for a year now. She threw a bridal shower a couple of months ago which I did a TON for. I helped set up and was one of the last people to leave etc. However, to my dismay she threw a bingo game and one of the cards had the date of their wedding on it and throughout the entire thing mutual friends kept asking, "did you book your flight yet" "you should do it soon;" they were getting married in Jamaica (he makes a lot of money from people working like slaves i.e. my boyfriend and I once upon a time). I felt SUPER uncomfortable because it was clear me and my boyfriend didn't recieve an invite. So I called her out on it and she acted like she knew nothing of it (which of course she did because she planned basically everything) and then I spoke to her fionce and told him, "look I'm not stupid, I know you knew about this, but he's your "friend" and you cannot do that to him. He was so hurt by this." And I acknowledge I was being supergirlfriend at that point but hes timid when it comes to him because he's his boss before friend. So he makes up an excuse on spot and says "I was going to invite him later, of course you guys are invited.." So he's happy now, asks me to book the flight etc and so I do. Since I left that job, I haven't been making as much (but I'm much more happier) so therefore, my boyfriend covered the trip. Sometime later we start having some MAJOR relationship issues and arguing a lot. We had one really big fight about 3 weeks ago which got a bit physical. SO he decided to call his "friend"/boss and tell him about it. He says to him, "look man, I don't want your girl at my wedding. Cancel her trip." And what did he do, cancel my portion of the trip and leaves his. WITHOUT talking to me first at least and before resolving our previous quarrel. I mean, I'm respectful, I wouldn't show up where I'm not wanted but WTF? He knows my bf can be aggressive and a real jerk sometimes, but it's all my fault all of a sudden? Anyway, I got upset for sure. I sent him a message telling to stay out of my business and sent his wife-to-be a msg asking her why she didnt tell me that they didnt want me there.. for sure she must have known but didn't say a word to me (but blew up my phone about her freaking bachelorette party, as well), she didn't respond. I was upset at this point and called her out on spilling her maid-of-honours' secrets and she's not a good friend AT ALL. She cried and told her husband-to-be and he fought her battle for her with my bf. Long story short, he created so much tension in our relationship by doing that, I felt like he made him choose between his wedding, which I hear about nonstop and me. If it were me, I would've told him I have more important things to worry about like making amend with my gf that I "love" and would've politely declined to even go at all. Thats not a friend because he wouldnt have made him choose between more arguements and an event and I'd NEVER do this to him. Quite frankly, he chose his "friend's" wedding over me, the same "friend" that didn't tell my bf that his ex was cheating on him and using him for money, because I'm writing on a forum about this and my "bf" just walked out of the door with his luggage. I even bought an f'n dress for the wedding........ girls are no different. iv had girls play me like this. you live and learn. fyi i had spent a lot of money to go see a girl and got screwed over. wat can i do hey
Author OOTW Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Why are you letting other peoples drama affect your relationship? doing so is a choice choose to not allow it simple.. I get what you're saying and you're totally right. My main point to all of this is, how can he just leave like that knowing I'm clearly offended by it and none of those people truly like me or him anyway?
Author OOTW Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 girls are no different. iv had girls play me like this. you live and learn. fyi i had spent a lot of money to go see a girl and got screwed over. wat can i do hey That's just messed up.... and so horrible! I can imagine how you felt..
Versacehottie Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Why are you letting other peoples drama affect your relationship? doing so is a choice choose to not allow it simple.. I have to say, while I understand the OP's feelings about not being invited to wedding originally as a couple and being taking advantage of---the reason other people's drama is affecting their relationship is because she opened the door. Unfortunately, some people are idiots when it comes to making up wedding invite lists or doing whatever. The moment she reached out to the groom, in a way, the wedding couple became involved in parts of their relationship and she involved them. Ugh, not worth it. OP would have been better off leaving it alone; let them have their wedding the way they want it, even when they are wrong and create a bonding moment between her and her guy where they stayed at home laughing and imagining silly things that could go wrong at wedding or doing their own activity. OP caused drama too by making the request. Sorry that it has turned out like this for you though and good luck with whatever happens next. Don't involve others is a great lesson. 2
clia Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I'm really confused about why you were so involved in the shower and bachelorette party when you, yourself, were not even invited to the wedding? I feel like I'm really missing something here. Usually the women throwing the shower are bridesmaids or family members, and the people going to the bachelorette party are bridesmaids, family members, or close friends of the bride. If you were that involved in either of those things, it seems like you should have been invited regardless of whether or not your boyfriend was invited. It's bad manners to invite anyone to the shower who is not invited to the wedding. Did you really realize you weren't invited to the wedding at the shower? Wouldn't you have expected to get an invitation by then? Did you actually go to the bachelorette party? This just doesn't make any sense to me. To be honest, it sounds like they didn't want either of you at the wedding, or else you would have both been invited in the first place. You then strongarmed them ("called her out on it" and spoke to her fiance?) to invite the both of you, so they did. Who does that? That is not respectful at all. It makes me wonder if you similarly strongarmed your way into getting involved in the shower and bachelorette party. It really sounds like the problem the bride and groom have is with you, not your boyfriend, so the quarrel with your boyfriend gave them a convenient excuse to exclude you. You seem to be creating the drama here -- you are the one who forced them to invite you to the wedding, you are the one who started messaging them and causing drama. Who wants that at their wedding? I sure wouldn't. I'd be pissed if my boyfriend took off for Jamaica without me, but I feel like we are missing part of the story here. How are things in your relationship otherwise? 5
Zahara Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Personally, if I found out that someone was choosing not to invite me to their wedding, the last thing I would do is get confrontational and force a wedding invitation. You said you wouldn't want to be around people that didn't want you there -- wasn't a no invite an indication of that so why did you fight it? Then to keep bombarding the groom about getting out of your business, when you should have confronted your boyfriend about him getting your boss involved, then confronting the fiance as to why she didn't just let you know she didn't want you there, then continued the drama about the bridemaids secrets. Drama that you created, and that you escalated all stemming from not being invited. All this could have been avoided. I understand you being upset over your boyfriend going as I would be too, but maybe this time apart will help you both calm down and hopefully get this resolved when he gets back. You can't do much now because he's gone so there is no use fighting and griping over that. 8
GorillaTheater Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 We had one really big fight about 3 weeks ago which got a bit physical. Wedding drama aside for the moment, what does this mean? 2
TigerLilly78 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Hi all, He knows my bf can be aggressive and a real jerk sometimes, but it's all my fault all of a sudden? ....... I get what you're saying and you're totally right. My main point to all of this is, how can he just leave like that knowing I'm clearly offended by it and none of those people truly like me or him anyway? I let you answer your own question there im sorry but your BF sounds like a winner and tho im all for giving people a chance to change themselves they have to try it doesn't sound like this man is trying doesn't sound like ether of you are tbh? Its simple he chose them over you for what ever reason it is what it is he made his choice clearly your relationship is that broken. But you can take that into your head and make choices as well you guys "both" ether need to seriously work on your relationship by removing all this unneeded drama or call it quits up to you.. I just say things as I see them and I see no point in picking part all this Drama its not going to help and in the end there is no logical outcome from doing so...
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 What happened during this fight? What did your boyfriend tell the bride and groom about it? I think you need to give a bit more context that might help us understand the situation more clearly.
jbelle6 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 It is such poor etiquette to hold your own shower, and to invite people to come and bring you gifts when you are not inviting them to the wedding. But some people are ignorant about those things. It was also poor etiquette for you to call someone out on the lack of invitation. You should have just left it alone. I don't think a man wants his girl going around like a barky little chihuahua fighting his battles. It was probably very embarrassing for him. A bigger issue, what does "got a bit physical" mean? Who got physical and what was done? This is a problem. Your ex taking off on that trip shows that he will run away at conflict, or maybe he's just fed up, it's hard to say because I do not know either of you or the whole story. I do completely understand that you were peeved at that woman, she is tacky as heck, just next time ignore people like that and make a note to never go out of your way for them again. 3
HappyLove Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Sounds like your entire situation is A MESS already this wedding isn't even the main problem here. I mean you and your man are physically fighting each other? He gladly cancels your flight and leaves you at home miserable. I'm betting if we knew your RS history it wouldn't be surprising. This relationship sounds VERY dysfunctional and THATS the REAL issue! 4
TigerLilly78 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Sounds like your entire situation is A MESS already this wedding isn't even the main problem here. I mean you and your man are physically fighting each other? He gladly cancels your flight and leaves you at home miserable. I'm betting if we knew your RS history it wouldn't be surprising. This relationship sounds VERY dysfunctional and THATS the REAL issue! Yep this!... we cant really totally bash the OPs BF cause normally it takes two to make conflict BUT it takes one to walk away when that conflict becomes out of control/abusive. Now to me it sounds like they have both gotten caut up in drama and thrive on it I've seen couples like this before its a toxic situation for them and everyone around them and def not healthy. I don't think this is what the OP wanted to hear from this forum but yeah...maybe the boss not wanting her there was his way of saying I don't want this Drama at my wedding witch he has every right to say.. After all the husband is still a employee and the OP is not lets remember..ether way like I say the messy details are apples and oranges and not overly important what is is how the OP deals with the aftermath of all this Drama..
jbelle6 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Sounds like your entire situation is A MESS already this wedding isn't even the main problem here. I mean you and your man are physically fighting each other? He gladly cancels your flight and leaves you at home miserable. I'm betting if we knew your RS history it wouldn't be surprising. This relationship sounds VERY dysfunctional and THATS the REAL issue! Yes, this, it is hard for us to comment because there HAS to be a lot more to the story. Fill us in OP and maybe we could be more helpful for you.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 My guess is when your "boyfriend" talked to his friend/boss, his friend/boss gave him the real deal on why you's were not invited, why he hasn't spoken to your boyfriend and why the distance has been put between you two and everyone else. He probably laid out it all out to him and your boyfriend really listened to his friend and took it to heart especially given how volatile the relationship has become. I mean to get physical with each other doesnt usually happen with just one disagreement or fight, so my guess is the relationship, as short as it has been, yes a 1.5 years is a short time to already be at "blows" with each other, wasn't really leading down a positive path if not picking up steam to becoming totally dysfunctional. because lets be honest, if I was your boyfriend in this situation, I would have stood by my girls side if everything was amicable and the only reason I would have canceled your portion and still went is because I have had enough with you and the relationship and needed to get away so to get some peace of mind and reflect on what I needed to do. the fact he still wanted his friend, your boyfriend, to come to the wedding, not you gives me an indication there is history there between you and your boyfriends friend(s) and it isn't a good one. If thats the case, it makes sense to me why your boyfriend wasn't even invited or hasn't really been on the most popular list with his friend/boss and anyone else associated with it. Of course I am just stating my perspective based on what you said and I am in agreeance that the wedding didn't ruin or come between your relationship, it was just the final incident that broke the camels back.
MJTig Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I agree with PPs that maybe they did not want the relationship drama at their wedding. I would not hesitate to cut people out of a destination wedding if they were prone to drama and physical fights. Whether or not there is another side to the story, his friend/boss has obviously only heard your s/o side and has decided where loyalties lie. 1
GemmaUK Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Er...sorry to say but it sounds like you're into drama and from the sound of your man he is on the quieter side. (EG. He didn't say a word when he wasn't invited to the wedding). It was their choice who they invited. There is no 'super-girlfriend' about it - kinda sounds like you bombarded them for an invite to be honest (drama and pressuring people is not super girlfriend - it's just drama and pressuring people). I don't think he nor the couple getting married wanted your drama at the wedding. Your man paid for it so it's entirely up to him whether he cancels one ticket. 1
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