I have a question Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Hi, I'm new to these forums but I need some help. My girlfriend broke up with me like a month ago. We were dating for into 3 months but I felt like I really had found something special in this girl. She dumped me because she didn't think that she was as into it as I was because she was very busy at the time and didn't have much time to see me. She said her feelings faded and that she didn't want to be in a relationship. I was devastated but I accepted it pretty quickly and actually felt better after a little while. I was ready to move on and she wanted to be friends so I told her when things settled down with my feelings we could talk about that. Fast forward like two weeks and I am legitimately getting along fine and thinking about her less. The school year is winding down and we were starting to talk platonically again. I thought I was ready to be friends with her again when she made a tweet obviously intended for me to see that said "Knew I would regret it.." Just to make sure I wasn't being irrational I slept on it and opted to text her the next night. I asked her how she was doing and if everything was alright because I saw her tweet (it was also her birthday so I wished her a good one) and she sent me a message that said that she messed everything up and that she misses me. I told her I missed her too and that I still had feelings for her. She tells me that she still has feelings for me (in these words) and that she wants to be with me but doesn't want to be in a relationship. So basically she tells me she doesn't want commitment and that she wants to be friends and see where things go. I was anxious and excited and forgot all about how okay I was and realized I did still have feelings for her and I accepted her offer. After thinking about it for a little while I decided that she had established her role in my life as someone I cared deeply for romantically but never as a friend and I texted her to tell her that we had to talk. The next day we talked over lunch and I told her that I was unwilling to be just friends with her but if she were interested in a relationship or rebuilding one that I would be down to restart. She told me that she lost feelings for me (or so she thought) and that she didn't want to be hasty by just jumping into a relationship again. She said that she thinks she went through a phase when she was just busy and she lost sight of how important I was to her and that she took it for granted. We eventually went back and forth throwing ideas around and we settles on one thing. Since school is over after next week after finals we won't be seeing each other unless we make plans. I'll be busy the first two weeks of summer, so I won't see her then either. We decided that if we were still in touch a little into summer we could start to hang out again and see where things go from there (basically rekindle a relationship). Now I'm just very worried that she will realize she's fine without me and this will all have been one big waste of time. It seems like the time is passing very slowly and that she might just say "eff it it's not even worth it" and I know if she does then she isn't worth it but it doesn't change the fact that I want her, you know? We have been in contact since our lunch every other day, alternating who initiates contact. We'll probably talk more over the summer assuming things go well, we're both just busy with finals. How should I go about keeping her interested until we're available to hang out and how can I keep myself calm about this?! I know once we hang out a couple times she'll remember why she wanted to be with me in the first place but I just don't know if she's still gonna think it worth her time after the next three two weeks if we're only texting... Ideas, thoughts, suggestions? I tried searching for advice on another forum but got none. Please help!
David87 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Tell her that you are not over her and therefore you will initiate NC and after that you can be friends with her because she obviously doesn't want a relationship with you.
yololin Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I think you shouldn't try and manipulate her into having feelings for you. You can't control her really. Just be yourself. If you like her then message her. It sounds like she wants to take things slow and she doesn't want to get bogged down by someone. When someone thinks that way, they clearly aren't looking for a relationship. Sometimes these people can fall head over heels and feelings change, but I think this girl will be a slow burner. Think about what she's said to you and what has led her to say those things. Attitudes and thoughts. If you impose yourself on her and she becomes yours, it's just a trophy you've won, not a partnership.
ThorntonMelon Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 How should I go about keeping her interested until we're available to hang out and how can I keep myself calm about this?! I know once we hang out a couple times she'll remember why she wanted to be with me in the first place but I just don't know if she's still gonna think it worth her time after the next three two weeks if we're only texting... You're (to me) showing signs of being addicted to the chase or to her interest in you. You were doing well without her, you'd do well without her again. You're the prize. Your time, energy, and commitment is valuable. Don't make this about you winning her over. 1
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