Riley2 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 My gf broke up with me recently. She has been depressed for some time and having every sort of problem possible at the time (financial, medical, etc.). I was empathetic and understanding. After weeks of being distant, angry, and ignoring me, she said she was dealing with a lot and that it was best we be friends. Since then, she has been calling me several times a day (when she feels like it), is bothered when I don't call her back, and saying she expected more from me support-wise. I feel as though she wants support the way she wants it and has made this break up and what should happen afterward all about her needs. What about me? I love her and I'm confused how to continue this...I need some advice as I think my feelings are not being considered at all (she calls this a "break" and saw nothing wrong with us forging a friendship right away) but don't want to feel as though I am abandoning her if I cut off contact since she's going through so much...
Simon Phoenix Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 You can't. They are two opposite behavior patterns. Your ex doesn't seem to be respecting you at all and seems to want to have her cake and eat it too. If I were you I would stop responding to her. She's completely using you for her benefit with no regard for your feelings. 3
Author Riley2 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 You can't. They are two opposite behavior patterns. Your ex doesn't seem to be respecting you at all and seems to want to have her cake and eat it too. If I were you I would stop responding to her. She's completely using you for her benefit with no regard for your feelings. I get the sense that she made the decision to not be in a relationship, which she says was best for her right now, but my decision to distance myself to an extent as a result is deemed as me not being supportive because she's going through so much. I feel like she's trying to guilt me into being available for her whenever she wants. This feels way selfish but is this kind of behavior common with depression or am I looking too much into this?
jbelle6 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I get the sense that she made the decision to not be in a relationship, which she says was best for her right now, but my decision to distance myself to an extent as a result is deemed as me not being supportive because she's going through so much. I feel like she's trying to guilt me into being available for her whenever she wants. This feels way selfish but is this kind of behavior common with depression or am I looking too much into this? No, it's common with young girls who dump guys yet expect them to "be there for them" as a "friend". Actually, it's very common. And I have NEVER seen a break that was not in all actuality a breakup. She's being selfish. Stop responding to her. Let her miss you and you might have a one percent hope, keep being her lapdog and it's zero. 3
Author Riley2 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Thank you for the insight. She keeps saying there is no one else and that she didn't say she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I have a bad habit of extending myself, even beyond my own comfort level and feelings. I feel badly for her and everything she's going through but...self preservation is the only thing on my mind at this moment.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Thank you for the insight. She keeps saying there is no one else and that she didn't say she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I have a bad habit of extending myself, even beyond my own comfort level and feelings. I feel badly for her and everything she's going through but...self preservation is the only thing on my mind at this moment. Of course she wants to talk to you -- you're the emotional tampon. A common dumper move is to wean themselves off the dumpee, a.k.a. stay friendly until they have come to terms with the breakup/met someone else. That's all she's doing.
Author Riley2 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Emotional tampon? Geez...so why try to make me feel bad if this is what she wanted? I asked her wth she wanted from me, that it didn't even register that maybe she didn't hear from me because something maybe wrong with me!
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 My ex did the same thing. Try telling her that right now you can't be there for her and she needs to look for alternate means of support. That it isn't healthy for you to be her friend and since you are no longer a couple, you don't have to consider her needs before yours - that isn't what friends do. If she is anything like my ex she'll yell - insult - and cut off contact and quickly find someone to fill that need that isn't you.
umirano Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Try washing someone without making them wet. Then you'll know whether you can be there for someone while giving them space.
Ordinaryday Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 No, it's common with young girls who dump guys yet expect them to "be there for them" as a "friend". Actually, it's very common. And I have NEVER seen a break that was not in all actuality a breakup. She's being selfish. Stop responding to her. Let her miss you and you might have a one percent hope, keep being her lapdog and it's zero. Happened to me with one girl. she was going through ALL these problems (financial/emotional/etc) and I was ALWAYS helping her out cos I was in love with her. then she decided I wasn't suitable to be her boyfriend and dumped me, but kept hassling me asking to do favours for her "as a friend". I read the subtext and realised that her new bf satisfied her physically but not emotionally so she came to for for EMOTIONAL support while having her SEXUAL needs satisfied by him. needless to say I stopped returning her call 1
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