tattoomytoe Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 i have never done a Break up before. this is my first "real" relationship. and i do care an aweful lot about him. i do not want to be mean, more amiable and "constructive" . and i am scared i will faulter. i have said we should think about seeing other people. also, i know he will turn everything around on me, especially something like: "you only want out, so you can do all the drugs you can" or some mean thing like that.
UCFKevin Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Drugs? Anyway, don't do the "see other people" route. That's insulting and hurtful. Just say you feel like there's no where else this relationship can go so you think it's time for you two to part ways. Don't even say anything about seeing other people or anything that might lean towards you and he still having any type of relationship. Don't be afraid to have to hurt him, though, I mean, you want out, so get out. You're GOING to hurt him regardless, so it doesn't truly matter.
savethedrama4allama Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by tattoomytoe i have never done a Break up before. this is my first "real" relationship. That explains why he gets away with so much. IMO, you just have to be matter of fact. Don't place blame. If he asks why, give him your reasons but matter-of-factly. Try not to raise voices. Just be firm, so that he is clear with it. He isn't violent, is he? If so, keep it in a semi-public place.
RoxStar Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 You just need to be honest and tell him its not working for you. Highlight the events of last night. That he did nothing for you regardless of getting laid. You dont need that! You are better then that. You deserve someone that is going to treat you the way you want to be treated... (RoxStar is getting off her soap box now)
Author tattoomytoe Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 no, he is not violent. *sigh* i almost wish he was though, to beat some sense into me!
RoxStar Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Surely you are kidding... you know what you need... SELF ESTEEM! You need to believe you deserve better before you will ever get treated better. I am not trying to be hard at all but I know many women who stay in situations just because its easier to stay then to leave. I was one of those women once. How long have you been with this cat?
alphamale Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by tattoomytoe also, i know he will turn everything around on me, especially something like: "you only want out, so you can do all the drugs you can" or some mean thing like that. there are some instances in life where honesty is good. this is one of them. be polite, honest, direct and quick. and if it is so you can do drugs to your hearts content then just say that it is. period.
savethedrama4allama Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by tattoomytoe no, he is not violent. *sigh* i almost wish he was though, to beat some sense into me! Sense into you?! Hell naw! He's the one who needs some sense. Tell him "GIVE ME MY $400 SUCKA!"
Author tattoomytoe Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 we have been together a little over 2 years. and i do not want peple to think that i am some shallow materialistic druggie. but his actions, or lack there of, just make me feel like i am nothing special anyways. and he hates that i smoke MJ, so he will throw it in my face, he does when ever he can.
RoxStar Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Tattoo... You are not shallow for wanting respect or for wanting effort. It seems like you make the effort - ie: Valentines Day. If you are happy stay but if you are staying because its easy and you are unhappy and want to be treated better then leave. Tell him why you arent happy and that is why you are leaving him. Its hard but make sure if you do that its really what you want.
Pocky Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Tell him that this relationship doesn't allow you to wake up happy every day.
quankanne Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 according to Steve Martin, there's a formula ... you go up to the person, and say "I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee." then you spit on their feet. or some such thing! gah! I've always been the one dumped, and the one time I did break up with the Sticky Booger Boyfriend, I lied and told him that X (who is now my husband) and I were back together again. So I really can't offer anything good for you to work with. however, I'm with Kevin on this one: Just say you feel like there's no where else this relationship can go so you (believe) it's time for you two to part ways it's pithy, it's true and there's no wiggle room ...
debs Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Sorry honesty is best in break-up! I would not be less than honest!!!! Ok, try this "after careful consideration I see we are growing apart and I am not longer into you!? I think it is best for us to leave this relationship now before we both become angry and resentful! I just not longer feel for you as I once did!!!!" Yes I have used it before! He was hurt but at least he didn't fight me on it and i left with no bad feelings because I once gave it my all!
Author tattoomytoe Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 i will be honest. there is no reason to lie, even if it may lessen a blow, in the end it worsens it. well, i will let everyone know what happens, it will be another week or so before i do anything, i just need to think and rethink. so i may be back typing worse than ever through tears of sadness, but tears of relief and liberation as well! (libations... i wish!)
UCFKevin Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Don't let there be ANY gray areas for that can truly screw things up even further, for either him, you or both.
Author tattoomytoe Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin Don't let there be ANY gray areas for that can truly screw things up even further, for either him, you or both. gray how? like not cutting it completely? when i do break it, it will be it. He has told me in the past that "he never goes back with an Ex" in an unrelated conversation. he really just needs to grow up.
UCFKevin Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Gray like saying you want to see other people which would imply you want to see him sometimes, too. No! No go. Cut it completely, like a moil.
Weird Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 I saw in another friend you are broke and had to move out of the place you had with this guy cuz you couldnt cover your part of the bills...yet you continue to smoke weed? That makes sense but it is the type of stuff I expect from druggies.... As for breaking up with him...just tell him why you want to break up and do it. Not hard
Author tattoomytoe Posted February 17, 2005 Author Posted February 17, 2005 Originally posted by Weird I saw in another friend you are broke and had to move out of the place you had with this guy cuz you couldnt cover your part of the bills...yet you continue to smoke weed? That makes sense but it is the type of stuff I expect from druggies.... As for breaking up with him...just tell him why you want to break up and do it. Not hard when i want you to judge me weird, i will ask. if you want the whole story, you can ask, but do not make assumtions about me based on bits and pieces that you think you remember from other posts.
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