kburke328 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) This will probably be rather long but I am looking for some input. I have a little over a week to decide to get divorced or stayed married. The reason for the deadline is money, if we file now then its only $380 but if we wait then my husband loses his legal insurance and we have to pay $2500. So here is the back story of the past 4 years... April 2010 We broke up (honestly don't remember why) but things were obviously bad back then if we chose to break up. So I started hanging out with my other ex bf more but would still come home to my now husband and we would still sleep together. I never did anything with my other ex but make out and I even told my husband about it. Well I ended up pregnant and my husband denied that it was his kid and told his family it wasn't his kid. His mom blasted my facebook calling me a cheating whore and my husband took her side. None of his family ended up coming to my baby shower. Went thru absolute hell for the 9 months of my pregnancy. Had the baby and got a DNA test which proved he was the father and not once got an apology from anyone. Sept 2011 Female coworker tries to get with him and his response is "are you drunk?". Nov 2011 We got married. May 2012 He makes friends with a female coworker. I find out I am pregnant again. August 2012 He starts school and I gave up working to be a stay at home mom so that he could still work full time and go to school. Oct 2012 I find out he has been cheating on me with that female coworker he met in May. Jan 2012 Finally stops cheating on me and cuts off ties with the coworker even though he had promised me numerous times during earlier months that he was done with her. Feb 2012 Had our 2nd baby Since the whole cheating on me he has lied and hid numerous things about other girls. He has deleted texts from other girls. I have had to find out things by going thru the phone bill or by other people telling me. Now I had a male friend for 3 years that I talked to regularly and my husband was always accusing me of cheating on him with this male friend. He would go thru my phone and would call me a liar about everything. He was just constantly up my ass about everything. Well he finally took it too far and now the male friend isn't talking to me anymore because my husband tried to sabotage his relationship with his gf that he has been with for 4 years. Also this male friend lives 500 miles away. I even went as far as taking a 2 month break from talking to this male friend and as soon as we started talking again my husband was right back up my butt again. Well now I have a new male friend, we know each other from high school. Been friends for 2-3 weeks now. My husband has met him. We both have made it perfectly clear that its a platonic friendship. Well my husband went thru my phone twice and even went as far as driving around stalking us. I can't talk the jealousy and insecurities anymore. He wants to have female friends and me to be ok with it and not give him a hard time about it but he doesn't want me to have male friends. I haven't treated him like **** or given him hell since he cheated on me but he is the one always up my butt. He doesn't appreciate anything I do for him. Everything has to be about him. Everything is a double standard. My feelings and thoughts don't matter. It doesn't matter what I want. He claims he wants this fresh start and to let go of the past and stop with the jealousy and insecurities and have trust for each other but I don't ever think that can happen. I don't think he will ever change. We tried marriage counseling and a marriage retreat and neither worked. He is currently in counseling for himself but no improvement yet. If you were me, would you stay? Oh and now because we talked about divorce, his family has disowned me and I am not welcome around them. Edited June 18, 2014 by kburke328
kart180 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 If I was you I would file for divorce, He is just a cheating lieing and backstabbing man. As I was reading your backstory, I just feel so sad and sorry that you had such a awful tragic experiencing in love and marriage. Hope things work out for you 2
Author kburke328 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 This will probably be rather long but I am looking for some input. I have a little over a week to decide to get divorced or stayed married. The reason for the deadline is money, if we file now then its only $380 but if we wait then my husband loses his legal insurance and we have to pay $2500. So here is the back story of the past 4 years... April 2010 We broke up (honestly don't remember why) but things were obviously bad back then if we chose to break up. So I started hanging out with my other ex bf more but would still come home to my now husband and we would still sleep together. I never did anything with my other ex but make out and I even told my husband about it. Well I ended up pregnant and my husband denied that it was his kid and told his family it wasn't his kid. His mom blasted my facebook calling me a cheating whore and my husband took her side. None of his family ended up coming to my baby shower. Went thru absolute hell for the 9 months of my pregnancy. Had the baby and got a DNA test which proved he was the father and not once got an apology from anyone. Sept 2011 Female coworker tries to get with him and his response is "are you drunk?". Nov 2011 We got married. May 2012 He makes friends with a female coworker. I find out I am pregnant again. August 2012 He starts school and I gave up working to be a stay at home mom so that he could still work full time and go to school. Oct 2012 I find out he has been cheating on me with that female coworker he met in May. Jan 2012 Finally stops cheating on me and cuts off ties with the coworker even though he had promised me numerous times during earlier months that he was done with her. Feb 2012 Had our 2nd baby Since the whole cheating on me he has lied and hid numerous things about other girls. He has deleted texts from other girls. I have had to find out things by going thru the phone bill or by other people telling me. Now I had a male friend for 3 years that I talked to regularly and my husband was always accusing me of cheating on him with this male friend. He would go thru my phone and would call me a liar about everything. He was just constantly up my ass about everything. Well he finally took it too far and now the male friend isn't talking to me anymore because my husband tried to sabotage his relationship with his gf that he has been with for 4 years. Also this male friend lives 500 miles away. I even went as far as taking a 2 month break from talking to this male friend and as soon as we started talking again my husband was right back up my butt again. Well now I have a new male friend, we know each other from high school. Been friends for 2-3 weeks now. My husband has met him. We both have made it perfectly clear that its a platonic friendship. Well my husband went thru my phone twice and even went as far as driving around stalking us. I can't talk the jealousy and insecurities anymore. He wants to have female friends and me to be ok with it and not give him a hard time about it but he doesn't want me to have male friends. I haven't treated him like **** or given him hell since he cheated on me but he is the one always up my butt. He doesn't appreciate anything I do for him. Everything has to be about him. Everything is a double standard. My feelings and thoughts don't matter. It doesn't matter what I want. He claims he wants this fresh start and to let go of the past and stop with the jealousy and insecurities and have trust for each other but I don't ever think that can happen. I don't think he will ever change. We tried marriage counseling and a marriage retreat and neither worked. He is currently in counseling for himself but no improvement yet. If you were me, would you stay? Oh and now because we talked about divorce, his family has disowned me and I am not welcome around them. Sry for spelling errors. Should say "get divorced or stay married" and "I can't take the jealousy and insecurities anymore". I am sure there are more I missed.
kart180 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 He should never go though your phone. There is such a thing as privacy and respect 2
kart180 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Sry for spelling errors. Should say "get divorced or stay married" and "I can't take the jealousy and insecurities anymore". I am sure there are more I missed. If I was you kburke328, I would of never married such a piece of work. He just such a poor excuse for a man. Marriage means no flirting and treating your wife with respect and love 1
Mr. Lucky Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 April 2010 We broke up (honestly don't remember why) but things were obviously bad back then if we chose to break up. So I started hanging out with my other ex bf more but would still come home to my now husband and we would still sleep together. I never did anything with my other ex but make out and I even told my husband about it. Well I ended up pregnant and my husband denied that it was his kid and told his family it wasn't his kid. His mom blasted my facebook calling me a cheating whore and my husband took her side. None of his family ended up coming to my baby shower. Went thru absolute hell for the 9 months of my pregnancy. Had the baby and got a DNA test which proved he was the father and not once got an apology from anyone. Sept 2011 Female coworker tries to get with him and his response is "are you drunk?". Nov 2011 We got married. With that into, how did you get to marriage :confused: ??? I don't even have to read the rest of your timeline to know how it turns out... Mr. Lucky 1
Fearful Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 You should not have married your husband in the first place because right from the beginning you two have trust issue. At a start, you had broblem with him and run back to your ex and is claiming that no sex was involve. You got pregnant and your H deny the peternity of the child. luckily, DNA test confirm the child to be his. A co-worker want to have a go at him but he wrote her off, he belief you had an emotional affair with his friend probably physical and he retaliated by having his own affair with the same co-worker whom he had earliar written off. He wanted to commit to the marriage and did every thing possible to break you off with his friend. You quickly run off to another man after he had broken you off with his friend. You are Ok with his cheating and making out with othe women because you are always giving your love to other men in the name of friendship. Your Husband's treatment of you is bad but your action precipitated his action. A good wife shouldn't be too close to other men in away that discomfort her husband. But that isn't your cup of tea becausd you don't care about your marriage. If the two of you can not find out the root cause of your problem and stop unnecessary third party interferance in your marriage, atleast for the sake of your children, then divorce will be the best option. Sorry if I sounded too harsh. But the truth is that your husband is not here to tell his own side of the story and I can see holes in your post.
Author kburke328 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) You should not have married your husband in the first place because right from the beginning you two have trust issue. At a start, you had broblem with him and run back to your ex and is claiming that no sex was involve. You got pregnant and your H deny the peternity of the child. luckily, DNA test confirm the child to be his. A co-worker want to have a go at him but he wrote her off, he belief you had an emotional affair with his friend probably physical and he retaliated by having his own affair with the same co-worker whom he had earliar written off. He wanted to commit to the marriage and did every thing possible to break you off with his friend. You quickly run off to another man after he had broken you off with his friend. You are Ok with his cheating and making out with othe women because you are always giving your love to other men in the name of friendship. Your Husband's treatment of you is bad but your action precipitated his action. A good wife shouldn't be too close to other men in away that discomfort her husband. But that isn't your cup of tea becausd you don't care about your marriage. If the two of you can not find out the root cause of your problem and stop unnecessary third party interferance in your marriage, atleast for the sake of your children, then divorce will be the best option. Sorry if I sounded too harsh. But the truth is that your husband is not here to tell his own side of the story and I can see holes in your post. I never went running back to my ex. Him and I were always friends and my husband knew that before him and I even started dating. If he couldn't handle me being friends with my ex then he should of never started dating me. No where did I say my male friend was his friend. You seem to just be making things up and adding things to my story. I wasn't claiming anything, I never slept with another person. Obviously I would of told my husband if I did because obviously there would be a chance that the DNA test would show that my husband wasn't the father. So kind of dumb to lie about that. Edited June 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed derogatory comment(s)
Author kburke328 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 You should not have married your husband in the first place because right from the beginning you two have trust issue. At a start, you had broblem with him and run back to your ex and is claiming that no sex was involve. You got pregnant and your H deny the peternity of the child. luckily, DNA test confirm the child to be his. A co-worker want to have a go at him but he wrote her off, he belief you had an emotional affair with his friend probably physical and he retaliated by having his own affair with the same co-worker whom he had earliar written off. He wanted to commit to the marriage and did every thing possible to break you off with his friend. You quickly run off to another man after he had broken you off with his friend. You are Ok with his cheating and making out with othe women because you are always giving your love to other men in the name of friendship. Your Husband's treatment of you is bad but your action precipitated his action. A good wife shouldn't be too close to other men in away that discomfort her husband. But that isn't your cup of tea becausd you don't care about your marriage. If the two of you can not find out the root cause of your problem and stop unnecessary third party interferance in your marriage, atleast for the sake of your children, then divorce will be the best option. Sorry if I sounded too harsh. But the truth is that your husband is not here to tell his own side of the story and I can see holes in your post. Just want to say one more thing...so because he ASSUMED I had an emotional affair, that makes it ok for him to actually have an affair? No excuse makes up for what he did. So because I assume he is still cheating on me does that mean I should cheat on him? Does that even sound logical? Lets go tit or tat. Like really? Who does that?
Mr. Lucky Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I never did anything with my other ex but make out and I even told my husband about it. Just want to say one more thing...so because he ASSUMED I had an emotional affair, that makes it ok for him to actually have an affair? No excuse makes up for what he did. So because I assume he is still cheating on me does that mean I should cheat on him? Does that even sound logical? Lets go tit or tat. Like really? Who does that? You've both acted inappropriately, it's just a matter of the degrees involved. Plenty of blame to go around... Mr. Lucky
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