ColaBullet Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Let's start with how I fully understand that even though Facebook can be a blessing when connecting with people it is also a curse. I broke up with my fiancee a little over a week back, we had been in a 7 and half year relationship. It had been going sour since March of that year and our arguments had been getting more and more vicious. We were trying seperation until I needed to call her because I didn't know if the whole process would work out. It erupted into a huge and horrible arguement, from there we broke up. I had to go back and collect things, today I basically have had to move out of my home and now I am in the front room of a friends place. I suffer from clinical depression and am having therapy so work right now is utterly intimidating. I have where to live. So today on the day I left she put two Facebook status' about how great her life is and how happy she is doing a couple of projects she is doing. She even got a slightly "sexy" comment from a guy she said she felt attracted to. I understand we have broken up but it feels nothing has affect her yet I am shattered. I need to keep on good terms with her because I have things over her place to collect so I can't really "defriend" her. It's as if I was only ever a plauge to her and she is so amazingly free and full of joy now that I am gone. It hurts like hell, I am scared as to where I am going to go and live, heart broken and angry. It feels like I am dead to her or worse not someone worth thinking about.
todreaminblue Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) yes facebook has its downside, and the best thing i can say why you are hurting like you are is not to go on it......limit the interactions to very simple when can i come and pick this up by phone or by text...... i feel for you and know what it feels like to be heartbroken and live with depression......theres no quick solution or definite plan i can give to fix your heart wish i could......is going to take time and effort to get back out there and see the world without blue hues there will be a day where you won't have todreaminblue.........yes i have lived(key word here, i "lived" with it ) with depression....that is the meaning behind my on;line name and i have not used another.....its always got blue in it....she blue is part of me...makes me empathic to people in pain.... and my dreams were always blue..blue people blue skies and overwhelming sadness as i attracted more blue people...till it nearly killed that part of me that connected with all the horrible things that happen to people including me and i sank often at the end of the day with all the unshed tears no one got to see..........but that girl who dreamt in blue.....got to see the world again with renewed hope.....that day and most assuredly, those dreams and hopes will be yours renewed....let yourself feel sadness and it will go away in time cry as often as you need to ...dont drown in tears, let them flow out..........hugs....dont give up....deb Edited June 17, 2014 by todreaminblue
Author ColaBullet Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 Thank you for the reply. May I ask, with your depression does it ever make you feel like you just can't deal with what you need to deal with? I only ask because these are the most important things I NEED to do. - Find a place. - Find work. - Start to see people (a LOT if not 90% of friends were connected to her). The break I can deal with. Her reaction and this set of tasks not so much. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) hey cola, yes depression is a motivation killer, kills desire into apathy, not a lot you can do about it.....you are going to have to seek help, its a lot what you have to do and be depressed.I am a multiple personality so when i feel depressed another part takes over.....to get things done......if i honestly dont switch there's a reason i have to let myself heal first which means time out i have taken to many hits......ill sleep, for my mind is tired my heart is broken and i am like ok movie time music and for the love of god i can dance when depressed.....i send prayers up in movement and my movements are wistful and hopeful and a little bit f rap thrown in to show my pissed side..........and i pray hard cola, because it is easy for me to slump and spiral.....if i spiral where parts of me start to give up, my family starts to notice......and i then have to get outside help for inner issues, medication doesnt work fo me because i am a multiple....only part fo em si depressed....some arent adn if i take meds i swing into hyperness or manic behavior which then allowed doctors i believe to falsely diagnose me as schizo affective i am only partly depressed and that part has suffered trauma...as well as other parts......ptsd......so yeah ...not good with deb on meds.....tried to get the doctors to listen to me about the trauma where i believe i developed alternate personalities....told them to ring my mum to see i wasnt delusional they never bothered to.......and they put me on anti psychotci medication in combination with anti depressants and i beleive they made me a walking time bomb..i am not psychotic so they made me numb an d unable to think or feel......they even did ect ....whose to say what helped parts of em and what didnt.....ect i believe killed brain cells that's about it.....made me forget memories of people and places i have seen and been so now its god and me together.....its the only way for me.... you need outside help either therapy and meds a combination probably.....do you have health cover..electric convulsive therapy has been successful apparently in treating clinical depression...didnt work for me because i am a multiple/.....and cola....the power of prayer is the last thing i want you to remember after reading my post...hugs..deb Edited June 17, 2014 by todreaminblue
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