dolita Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I've spent a year and a half dwelling on my ex. I did go on dates and i thought it was hopeless and there was no one who will make me feel better then Boom! I fell in love at first sight on a first date. Before that second i was still dwelling on my ex. Now all i think about is that love potential. So i dont believe you have to feel you are completely over your ex to feel love again. The moment the right person comes, your ex becomes history. So go out there guys, even if you feel like dying right now. 7
somedude81 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I feel the same way. I'm still kind of stuck on my ex who was also my first GF. I really want to remove her from my heart and mind but I feel that in order to do that I need to start dating somebody else. Unfortunately finding another woman is harder than it sounds.
orangetree Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 You guys really think so? I've started to date a guy I met a week ago.Well, we went on two dates and kissed once. He's really smart, good-looking, funny, nice and texts me all the time and wants to meet me again and says sweet things to me. BUT I really don't feel anything. No, nothing. If he stopped texting me right now and never talked to me again I wouldn't even mind a little bit. I like meeting him because it gets my mind a bit off my ex, but that's it. There is no spark like the spark I still feel for my ex. I think I'm emotionally unavailable and I could meet the greatest person ever and I wouldn't feel a thing. I hope I'm wrong. 1
Author dolita Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 You guys really think so? I've started to date a guy I met a week ago.Well, we went on two dates and kissed once. He's really smart, good-looking, funny, nice and texts me all the time and wants to meet me again and says sweet things to me. BUT I really don't feel anything. No, nothing. If he stopped texting me right now and never talked to me again I wouldn't even mind a little bit. I like meeting him because it gets my mind a bit off my ex, but that's it. There is no spark like the spark I still feel for my ex. I think I'm emotionally unavailable and I could meet the greatest person ever and I wouldn't feel a thing. I hope I'm wrong. hey I felt the same!! it took me a year and a half to find that person that's why I said I was hopeless in the first place i could get a relationship in a second but I didn't want to cuz i couldn't feel a thing with those 'perfect' guy until he came, I feel like he's gotta be my future husband lol. I've never felt this way, if it doesn't work out, at least i'm over my ex lol 2
ktya Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 My motto is if you break up with someone go have mad meaningless sex with two different people (not at the same time, if you go that route, do it twice!) then start dating pretty well right away. If your a guy and that sounds difficult to pull off then blow some money on escorts, it's worth it to get your game back on. Date to date not to replace your ex. I did this a long time ago after I broke up with my fiancee of 9 years and beleive me it was totally a bad strategy. I ended up with four nutbar women in a row! (One Jerry Springer episode, one girl with BPD, a gambling addict and then a hoarder. ugh). Date to meet people and have fun not to fill the hole in your life! You'll always long for what once was but once you fill your time with other people it will get better. Wallowing just means you keep reliving the pain. Great post!
orangetree Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 That's great! I really hope the same will happen to me, and hopefully not in 1.5 years.. I don't wanna keep thinking of my ex for so long. But what did you do til you met that person? Did you date a lot of guys? And when you dated them, did you just go on one date and thought 'Nope, not what I want' or did you start a rebound or having something with them anyway to see if it goes somewhere?
ktya Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Unfortunately finding another woman is harder than it sounds. I know there's a consolidated Tinder app discussion so I dont want to get into that in detail or mods will off the thread. But it works. I get phone numbers and line up dates sometimes between 8am and 10 in the morning on a Sunday then I go back to bed for a while. Dont mope around. And if you cant break the moping around, hit craigslist for escorts to get the ball rolling. They're no subsitute for a real woman but they wont beat around the bush! LOL
somedude81 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I know there's a consolidated Tinder app discussion so I dont want to get into that in detail or mods will off the thread. But it works. I get phone numbers and line up dates sometimes between 8am and 10 in the morning on a Sunday then I go back to bed for a while. Dont mope around. And if you cant break the moping around, hit craigslist for escorts to get the ball rolling. They're no subsitute for a real woman but they wont beat around the bush! LOL Meh, I've tried Tinder and I put up profiles on OKC and POF. Nothing whatsoever. Getting an escort isn't remotely an option.
Author dolita Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 That's great! I really hope the same will happen to me, and hopefully not in 1.5 years.. I don't wanna keep thinking of my ex for so long. But what did you do til you met that person? Did you date a lot of guys? And when you dated them, did you just go on one date and thought 'Nope, not what I want' or did you start a rebound or having something with them anyway to see if it goes somewhere? Yup! You are spot on Went on dates then nope, next lol You'll know when that person comes, its only natural.
elseaacych Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) LOL NOPE. I've had no intention of getting back with my ex for months now. That doesn't mean I'm emotionally available. I'll be emotionally available once I find someone. I've dated several guys in the last few months before taking an official dating hiatus, then an unofficial one. If someone asks me out, I'll go. Otherwise, I am not putting myself out there unless it's worth the risk. I'm picky, and I'm not ashamed to be. Edited June 17, 2014 by elseaacych 2
orangetree Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Are you guys sometimes worried you'll end up alone? I know it might sound ridiculous to some people, but I do. I'm 26 years old, so I'm not super young nor super old, but I am worried that I'll never find the right one. With 21, I wasn't worried about that at all. With 24 I met my ex and for the first time ever I thought he's the one (although I had another boyfriend before him for 3 years and I never thought 'this is the guy I'll get married to'). Now I'm 26 and single again. Maybe I hear my biological clock ticking haha.
somedude81 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Are you guys sometimes worried you'll end up alone? I know it might sound ridiculous to some people, but I do. I'm 26 years old, so I'm not super young nor super old, but I am worried that I'll never find the right one. With 21, I wasn't worried about that at all. With 24 I met my ex and for the first time ever I thought he's the one (although I had another boyfriend before him for 3 years and I never thought 'this is the guy I'll get married to'). Now I'm 26 and single again. Maybe I hear my biological clock ticking haha. Yes I'm definitely worried. I got my first GF at 31 and we were only together for six moths. Now it's been six and a half months since she dumped me and I haven't had any luck dating another girl.
elseaacych Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Re: Finding someone else. I am on the sunnier side of my 20's, so while I do have my doubts per se, I am hopeful that I can find another partner. Even if I do not find another partner to dance with, I can adopt a kid or a cadre of greyhounds to live out my days. I'd rather be alone and wondering/indifferent than with someone and miserable.
organizedchaos Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Are you guys sometimes worried you'll end up alone? I know it might sound ridiculous to some people, but I do. I'm 26 years old, so I'm not super young nor super old, but I am worried that I'll never find the right one. With 21, I wasn't worried about that at all. With 24 I met my ex and for the first time ever I thought he's the one (although I had another boyfriend before him for 3 years and I never thought 'this is the guy I'll get married to'). Now I'm 26 and single again. Maybe I hear my biological clock ticking haha. It is ridiculous. I'm almost 43. Been married. Had girlfriends. Still putting myself out there. Am I worried about ending up alone? No. Not at all. You have so much time for so many great experiences. Relax. Enjoy life. Stop trying to rush things or think you're missing out. 2
oracle Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Easier said than done. Probably easier if you are young and haven't had a very long commitment(s). I was with my ex from 19-35 and had to spend 3.5yrs tearing down the substantial life we had built. I bang LOTS of guys, but stopped dating about 2 years ago. I cannot fathom investing in someone again to build something similar to what I had. I think with all the phone apps, dating sites and craigslist, the grass is greener syndrome is 20x more likely now than it was say 8 years ago. For the most part my life is far richer and I am far happier now - and really thats all that matters. That doesn't mean I don't think back on my ex from time to time with a level of sadness, longing and wonder - and that's perfectly normal, regardless of who I am with.
Elle1975 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 You fell in love on a first date? I can see a very strong attraction, but I don't know if I can believe about love right away. Maybe because I need a bit more than what I'd be seeing on a first date to fall in love. The kind that would make me take a bullet for the guy. Not to say you're wrong, just finding it .. a bit too much of a fairy tale maybe? Anyway.. back to your post.. I agree that there is no need to dwell over someone for months/years, depending on the length of the relationship. Once the break up is processed, let's put ourselves out there.
oracle Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Are they F*ck buddies or do they think it could be going somewhere? If its the latter then you are being a douche. You guys are gonna ****ing kill me, but.... I got 4 different "girlfriends" so to say, or women I'm seeing... Took me a year after my ex dumped me, to get to this point. Funny thing is that now I kinda don't care to call my ex up anymore. 4 girls, that is all. Sapphire
oracle Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Gotcha. Well they are all adults and they know what they got into. Enjoy your fun. Its an ego boost and a let down all at the same time eh? Just friends with benefits. But as generally they are women, I'm sure in time... There will be emotions involved. So I'm preparing for the day when one of them wants more. --SapphireEyes lol. My ex girlfriend played me like a fiddle a year ago.
guest569 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I was happy when I started dating someone else but once he dumped me I reverted back to where I was before, or perhaps felt even worse for being rejected yet again. Missing my ex like crazy and knowing I will never find anyone better. I sometimes think I might end up alone, but it doesn't really bother me. The only thing that bothers me is that my ex is gone.
ktya Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Gotcha. Well they are all adults and they know what they got into. Enjoy your fun. Its an ego boost and a let down all at the same time eh? I got him licked. I'm dating 9 girls right now at the same time. Yes they all know it's strictly casual at this point and if they ask me I say yes I am dating other people. Its not a let down at all, dont shoot yourself in the foot man! Most girls who are single and looking to date are dating multiple dudes because once they put themselves out there they get offers out the wazoo. They drop the rest for the man they choose. Life isnt always about love at first sight. The romance movies are selling you a pile of bunk.
No Limit Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I hope "go find someone else" isn't inspired to look for poor lads and lasses to be used as rebound-material etc... @kyta Don't know about the girls in your area but none of the girls I call friends have had more than 1 guy waiting in the queue.
anemptycup Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Hey OP - at least you waited a good amount of time - My ex, didnt even wait a day after our 3 year - and she was in bed with another guy a week later - she got dumped by him 3 months later - and guess what - now she wants me back... BIT*CH. anyway... i'm trying to not feel resentment towards her... i know she's after me now because she's alone... and that's the MAIN reason.... (at least 80% of her motivation) Sorry to be making this more about me - i am very happy for you - really and yes, i also believe the biggest problem many of us have with the break-up.. is not so much that we have lost our Ex... but that we don't have anything else to be passionate about.. and we feel it's going to be hard to find someone new... but... we just HAVE to work on ourselves... and doing our best for our own health, happiness etc.. and move forward - and open ourselves up to the world.. so that we are giving ourselves as many opportunities to bump into that new person who will connect with us like no one else has before... i started dating again - it took me 5 months to get comfortable.. and i'm only meeting people as friends for now.. but staying open to possibilities of more OF COURSE good luck to everyone out there healing! - please move forward - and try not to hold on to your Ex - they really aren't worth you wasting your time and being stagnant - use this time to move forward - Darkness is overrated.
oracle Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Its why nothing lasts anymore, cause with the web and phone apps and craigslist.. there is always a sea of options.. the minute it becomes dull or unrewarding people move on to what they think is greener pasture. Its just the way it is. Relationships we saw our parents and grandparents have are gonna be a thing of the past. Don't get me wrong tho... I am no different. I am gay and I don't even need to bother dating, and that doesn't stop me from banging 1-10 boys a week. But I believe in love at first sight and it lasted me 16yrs till i was 35. However its a different time now. Hate to say it, but he's right. I wouldn't say they are ALL doing it, but the vast majority in their 20s ARE...though the ones I'm seeing are a bit older.
sugarlove Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Ironically, it was my ex who first introduced me to Tinder. So I thought I'll try that out. I wasn't moving on very well about a few weeks ago, holing myself at home, feeling lonely. Not good. Which only makes me obsessed about getting my ex back. Feeling guilty and blaming myself. So I decided, ready or not, just start dating. I met a few really nice guys, I"m still not emotionally ready so no spark with any of them but the attention is flattering and the new friendships are added bonuses to me. Especially since most of my gal pals are hitched and not able to go out as much with me. I will definitely recommend to try it. As sick as it sounds, I find it makes me feel better telling some of the new dates that it won't work out. And slowly, very slowly, I'm moving on, feeling good about myself and getting the much needed confidence back.
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