mynameismyname Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) 23 years old and have been losing my hair for awhile now. **** is pretty noticeable at the temples and it doesn't seem to be slowing down. Pretty confident that I will be bald by the end of the year. Problem is I have just met this really great girl, and I'm worried about how she is going to react to it. She's always running her hands through my hair and I'm pretty confident she's noticing the hair coming out while she is doing it and I often think that is the reason she does it so often in the first place. Because our relationship is so new I fear that she could quite possibly ditch me because of it. I mean who wants to date a bald guy at 23? I wouldn't even blame her if she did. Question is do I tell her that I've been losing my hair or do I just gradually let it happen/let her notice it? I'm trying to act like I don't care and that I'm not concerned about it but **** couldn't be further from the truth. Literally have trouble sleeping at night because the thought of being bald at such a young age is so depressing. I'm definitely not one of those guys that just naturally looks good bald. Edit: posted this in the wrong section, my bad. Could someone delete this/move this? Edited June 17, 2014 by mynameismyname
ktya Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I doubt your gonna be bald by the end of the year unless you are on some sort of drug that causes you to lose hair. But male pattern baldness does start in the early 20s for some people. I remember one of my friends who was Italian and very prone to it had the bald patch on the top of his head by age 25 and it grew from there. Eventually he just shaved his head so as to not worry about it anymore by age 28. He wasnt really a guy with the bald guy look but once he and everyone else got used to it, it was fine. It seems to be the norm these days for guys going through male pattern baldness to just shave the whole thing off. I doubt your at that point yet. Wait for the patch at the top of your head to be unmistakeable before jumping to that level. One thing that can accelerate male pattern baldness is excess testosterone. Jerking off too regularly is one way to get more than your fair share but not the only way. Look online for activities that increase your testosterone and try to limit or avoid them. Theres no wonder drug thats going to save your hair and you dont want to eliminate testosterone because thats what makes you attractive to the girl and fuels your sex drive. Just relax. If the girl likes running her hand through your hair she likes your hair. I doubt shes focused on your thinning temples. 1
Mrin Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 So a couple of things. 1. Go see a doctor. Rapid hair loss at 23 is unusual and could be indicative of a larger medical issue. 2. That being said, here is an idea. Shave your head and say you did it for some cause like cancer research etc. Maybe not down to to the skin but with the closest guard setting. I don't know where you live but here in the US it is becoming pretty common to see men with shaved heads even at very young ages. Do it for two reasons: 1) check out your dome. Do you have an ugly dome? If so, maybe hair replacement surgery is in your future. But think of it reading ahead in a book. See what the future holds. 2) judge her reaction to it. If she freaks and says it is ugly, then you have your answer. But she might like it or accept it because she cares about you, not your hair. Anyhow, best of luck dude. But seriously, go see a doctor just to make sure everything is on the up and up. Mrin 2
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I think you are being a div lol yes its understandable losing hair so young but I started going grey at 25 so I get you but dont worry about it!! She likes u for not cos of how many hairs u have in you head! And anyway women like the mature look so go and have a comb through, let any escapees drop to the floor and forget about it.. xx
pteromom Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I mean who wants to date a bald guy at 23? Who wants to date a girl who is going to walk away from a great relationship over something as trivial as HAIR? 3
MidwestUSA Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Agree with mrin. If it's coming out when she runs her hand thru it, you need to see a doctor!
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Yea see a Dr if it makes you feel better there could be a medical reason but its more than likely down to genes and I really would not worry. I have friends that were no where near as goo looking when they were younger with a head full of hair as they are now! ... if all she cares about is your hair then thats her problem but I think the problem is more in your head x
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Put it this way... you know when you get a pair of glasses and you feel really weird wearing them but no one else knew you before you had them so you look "normal" to them its the same thing! I know its not what you are used too as you know you with hair but everyone else you meet likes you for how and who you are now.. its more your personal perception x
Author mynameismyname Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) I get what you are all saying that I shouldn't worry about it, if she cares that much then she's not worth it etc. And I would even agree with you if I were a couple years older. I just feel like at 23 90% of guys have a full head of hair that she could likely pick and choose from. Why stick with one who doesn't and have only been seeing for a month. Not trying to create a pity party here, just being realistic that at this age I feel **** like this plays a way bigger role. Obviously there is nothing I can do about it and if it's going to happen it's going to happen. But that still doesn't make you feel any better.. I know all I can do is to act like I don't care/remain confident because I know the more I show that I am concerned about it the more she will be. But still wondering if I bring it up with her so she knows or just let it happen? And by that I don't mean sit her and down and have a full on heart to heart about my hair loss, but maybe make a joke or 2 to bring it to her attention. I would hate to just leave it, then when it becomes more apparent after awhile she leaves me because she really isn't cool with it you know? Edited June 17, 2014 by mynameismyname
pteromom Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I get what you are all saying that I shouldn't worry about it, if she cares that much then she's not worth it etc. And I would even agree with you if I were a couple years older. I just feel like at 23 90% of guys have a full head of hair that she could likely pick and choose from. Why stick with one who doesn't and have only been seeing for a month. Because you are kind, sexy, fun, caring, generous, romantic, and accepting. Or whatever you are that is keeping her from running away. Sure, she can pick another guy who has a luscious head of hair. But he isn't going to be YOU. Obviously she likes YOU. You said you already had receding hair at the temples. So she already knows you will likely be bald. If that was a big deal to her, she wouldn't have gone on a second date. just being realistic that at this age I feel **** like this plays a way bigger role. I understand that in your 20s, something like this is a big deal to you. I'm sorry you are dealing with it. Have you looked into trying Rogaine or one of the other anti-baldness treatments? Supposedly they work very well. I know all I can do is to act like I don't care/remain confident because I know the more I show that I am concerned about it the more she will be. But still wondering if I bring it up with her so she knows or just let it happen? And by that I don't mean sit her and down and have a full on heart to heart about my hair loss, but maybe make a joke or 2 to bring it to her attention. I would hate to just leave it, then when it becomes more apparent after awhile she leaves me because she really isn't cool with it you know? At one month in, I wouldn't have a big convo about it. Making a joke or two wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, just to gauge her reaction. As I said above, I am sure she already knows. 1
nofeelings22 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Admitting a huge secret. I have shaved my thinning hair for 10 years now. I'm bored as hell of it. I'm also really loving the hair styles the guys have in this video. My old hair was kind of similar and this look is very good on me. So, just for fun, I'm going to keep shaving my head, but I'm buying that exact hair to wear for a bit. They have real human hair, swiss lace base wigs that have an invisible mat that holds the hair to your head, so you can't tell. Looks like it's growing out of the scalp. No color matching issues either, since it's all hair I'll be wearing. Nothing like an old fashioned toupee or whatever. Completely undetectable.
hasaquestion Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 DO NOT BRING IT UP. Take it from a fellow guy who's got less hair than 90% of the population our age. She knows you're balding. Its F-ing obvious. Everyone does. I guarantee she likes you because you don't let it affect you. Or at least that's what she thinks. If you show her that you're insecure about it... now you're balding AND you're a vagina. And the second one is what will actually make her less attracted to you. Your confidence is the golden goose. Don't kill it. Again, I've been through this before. I've thought I wasn't good enough for a girl friend because my hair was thin. It was her finding out I felt that way which ended up being a real problem. Its a self-fulfilling prophecy. Shoot me a PM if you want to talk in more detail about losing hair at 23. Been there. 7
Author mynameismyname Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 Because you are kind, sexy, fun, caring, generous, romantic, and accepting. Or whatever you are that is keeping her from running away. Sure, she can pick another guy who has a luscious head of hair. But he isn't going to be YOU. Obviously she likes YOU. You said you already had receding hair at the temples. So she already knows you will likely be bald. If that was a big deal to her, she wouldn't have gone on a second date. I understand that in your 20s, something like this is a big deal to you. I'm sorry you are dealing with it. Have you looked into trying Rogaine or one of the other anti-baldness treatments? Supposedly they work very well. At one month in, I wouldn't have a big convo about it. Making a joke or two wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, just to gauge her reaction. As I said above, I am sure she already knows. Thanks for that, I suppose it's true. But still in the back of your mind you know even if you go bald and she sticks it out for qualities you have listed, she will still be disappointed and likely less attracted to you and it's very difficult to not think about that. I'm very confident she knows, has already made a few jokes about my hair being on her pillow etc. Also already have quite a few grey hairs and she has joked about that but has said she likes them. And really I guess she is still with me so I should just let whatever happens happen. Went to the doc a couple months ago and he gave me a prescription for rogaine but I don't use it. Apparently it doesn't work for receding hairlines and only when you start getting bald spots on top. I've also done some research on Propecia, but apparently this one will very likely decrease one's libido a lot so that's a no go. Apparently both cause increased hair loss before they start taking effect, and if it doesn't work for you then you're left with less hair than you had before so that's kind of turned me off as well. But maybe I will go back to the docs and question why it's happening at such a rapid rate and see if there is anything that can be done.. 1
ascendotum Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Who wants to date a girl who is going to walk away from a great relationship over something as trivial as HAIR? The thing is, that wont be his choice, and chances are she will say it was for some other reason, or even just say 'this is just not working for me anymore'. I know people here say that when someone rejects you because of something about your appearance, that they were not the right person for you, or you are better off without them, but often for the broken hearted person that's not the case. The person rejecting them is still a fantastic person in all other respects, except for their lack of attraction to their fatness, shortness, skinnyness, baldness, acne, big nose, or whatever. You still find the person very desirable, its just sad they don't feel the same. they are not a ****ty person because of it, though I guess it depends how soon the other person changes to their dislike. Dumping yr bf after 8 yrs together when he starts to lose his hair is a lot worse than breaking up with your bf of 4 mths who is losing his hair badly. Breaking up with your wife who gets fat after 10 yrs and post baby is a lot worse then breaking up with your chubby gf who stacks on a further 30 lbs in the first year. As someone else suggested he should go see his doctor if the hair lose is pretty rapid and not normal at such a young age in his family. I'd then try the hair lotions & shampoos. There is always the drug Proscar which is quite effective for many but some suffer bad sexual side effects which could be more devastating to someone at 23 than hair loss. Hair loss when you are in your early 20s would be hard on self esteem for many guys. I had a friend who was balding at that age and he struggled with women. Hard to say how much was the hair and how much was his low self confidence. In his 30s despite having even way less hair he was fine (with women + self confidence though the two are very much correlated).
soccerrprp Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 23 years old and have been losing my hair for awhile now. **** is pretty noticeable at the temples and it doesn't seem to be slowing down. Pretty confident that I will be bald by the end of the year. Problem is I have just met this really great girl, and I'm worried about how she is going to react to it. She's always running her hands through my hair and I'm pretty confident she's noticing the hair coming out while she is doing it and I often think that is the reason she does it so often in the first place. Because our relationship is so new I fear that she could quite possibly ditch me because of it. I mean who wants to date a bald guy at 23? I wouldn't even blame her if she did. Question is do I tell her that I've been losing my hair or do I just gradually let it happen/let her notice it? I'm trying to act like I don't care and that I'm not concerned about it but **** couldn't be further from the truth. Literally have trouble sleeping at night because the thought of being bald at such a young age is so depressing. I'm definitely not one of those guys that just naturally looks good bald. Edit: posted this in the wrong section, my bad. Could someone delete this/move this? My brother started losing his hair during his 20s. Shaved it. Shave it. If this girl drops you b/c you are balding....find someone new WITH the new bald look.
veggirl Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I would recommend looking into preventative measures to keep the hair loss at bay. What kind of shampoo routine do you have? Switching to a high quality sulfate free shampoo, and only washing a couple times per week can have great results. I noticed that all the thin fly away parts around my forehead all grew like crazy when I was not using shampoo (at all) and then settling on a sulfate free shampoo. I'd do some research if I was you, but avoid RX chemicals if possible. I'm sorry but balding at 23 is a huge turn off to most girls that age. Hell I'm 31 and cringe when I see guys my age already balding. I'd try to remedy it, for sure.
veggirl Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Put it this way... you know when you get a pair of glasses and you feel really weird wearing them but no one else knew you before you had them so you look "normal" to them its the same thing! I know its not what you are used too as you know you with hair but everyone else you meet likes you for how and who you are now.. its more your personal perception x Uh...???? what about all the people, like the girl in the OP, who know him NOW and will STILL know him as he loses more and more hair.
preraph Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) It would probably be easiest for her to adjust to gradually as it gradually falls out. I'm not saying this is a great thing, but I think talking about it would be tantamount to extracting a promise from her that is unfair to ask for. If I loved someone enough and they went bald over time, I'd be okay. But it's true I'd never date a new guy who was bald. But I'm more into hair than most. I did have a big crush on a 20-something with premature gray. And then I was in love with this guy who had a big head of Marc Bolan hair and I was very attracted to that, and it MADE him look good. And then he cut it all off, and I will admit my attraction level went from about a 10 to about a 4, but I didn't just abandon him because of it. I could still see him the way he used to be in my head. Just keep going and see how she handles it as time goes on. Edited June 18, 2014 by preraph
devilish innocent Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) My sister's husband started balding that early. Not only did my sister fall in love with him, but she and her best friend stopped speaking to each other for years because of them really wanted to be with him. They were 21 or 22 at the time, and he was 24 or 25. There are definitely women who don't mind balding even at that age. It probably depends on the girl . Personally, I have a hard time seeing why balding is a turn off to some women. Edited June 18, 2014 by devilish innocent
eotdevice Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I started losing my hair at 28 going from my forehead back. Went to the md and got on finasteride it has worked well at stemming the loss but it's pretty expensive at nearly $80 per month. I had to stop taking it for about 6 months (financial reasons) and the hair loss began again. Got back on it and it slowed again. I am now 43 and still have a good head of hair. But I know I would have been very bald by now if I had not taken the meds. My grandfather was balding at 19 and nothing left by 25. And no I have not noticed any side effects. I have also been tested for testosterone levels and they have always been normal.
todreaminblue Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Honestly if it is an issue for your gf, she isnt very nice, heaven forbid you ever got cancer and had to do chemo or lost an arm or sight or any of the myriad of possible bad things that happen to people i happen to love dark glossy hair....reminds me of my grandfathers hair i would rest my cheek when we looked at leaves together underneath a tree on a blue sky kinda day....my grandfather however got a cancer in his brain and chemo took all his lovely sweet smelling hair away from me , that i adored to rest my cheek on....when he was in hospital surrounded by tubes for this and tubes for that my fingers itched......for the reason that my dad wouldnt let me hug him at all, let alone get near his head that had pink quadrants painted or drawn on....the fierce love remained and i sent it with my eyes and he smiled when i came into the room...hair is hair ....and sometimes its neither here nor there.....love remains true and beats with an eternal heart... ok now i have written that above where the hopeless poet went crazy ....but you get my drift dont you......she isnt worthy if if she change her mind with you having less or no hair......dont lie about it....its not moral or anyway respectful to peopel suffering from cancer to say that.....dont say its for cancer research unless you really do it for that reason...which you should...cancer is horrible and such a really sad way to go..... especially for little girls left behind with no grandpas to smile at (hair or no hair)....so do the cancer thing but never lie.be honest..and be proud of who you are.....deb
BlueIris Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 One of my old friends started losing his hair in high school so you aren't alone. I would just do what he did, and shave it all off. There are plenty of women who like a guy with a shaved head. Yes. My weakness. I've even given up on bald guys because they're too gorgeous and picky. My ex-husband used to grouse about bald men getting the hottest women. I can't even fathom a woman *leaving* because of that, though I've heard of it occurring. If your girlfriend is teasing you about it, it might be that she feels she's hit the jackpot.
Omei Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 If your worried about how she see's you and it bothers you why dont you just ask her? Would you rather me leave it alone or shave it? 1
kaylan Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) Rock a full baldy, a-la Michael Bradley. Its better to be fully bald and young, than to be balding and look old. You cant really stop balding. Best to do is to shave, or look up micropigmentation if it bothers you. Itll give you that Vin Diesel shaved look...ie...the look of short short hair but with a full hair line. Edited June 18, 2014 by kaylan 1
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