Gfprobs Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 My girlfriend keeps texting this guy that she used to like a couple years ago, and he liked her too. So she was obviously attracted to him at one point. Well recently they've been talking a lot, mainly because the guy is coming out of a relationship and is having a hard time because he was in love with the girl. So he went to my girlfriend to talk to and let out his feelings. And they want to plan a day where he can pick her up and they can go and hang out. I keep telling her I don't want her to go, but she keeps saying that they are just friends and he needs her help, and someone to talk to. But I'm afraid that if they hang out with each other, the feelings they once had might come back. But then again, we've been going out for a year and 4 months, and we are doing great! What could they possibly do? Do you think he will try seduce her? Will she fall into it? I don't want her to go but I don't wanna be that bf who doesn't trust their gf.
jbelle6 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 My girlfriend keeps texting this guy that she used to like a couple years ago, and he liked her too. So she was obviously attracted to him at one point. Well recently they've been talking a lot, mainly because the guy is coming out of a relationship and is having a hard time because he was in love with the girl. So he went to my girlfriend to talk to and let out his feelings. And they want to plan a day where he can pick her up and they can go and hang out. I keep telling her I don't want her to go, but she keeps saying that they are just friends and he needs her help, and someone to talk to. But I'm afraid that if they hang out with each other, the feelings they once had might come back. But then again, we've been going out for a year and 4 months, and we are doing great! What could they possibly do? Do you think he will try seduce her? Will she fall into it? I don't want her to go but I don't wanna be that bf who doesn't trust their gf. I keep seeing these text issues on here. They aren't just friends. At least they never seem to turn out to be. I find guys tend to be more accepting of women treating them this way. Put your foot down. She is putting more concern into this guys problems than she is putting into your relationship. Men need to man up and put their foot down. Distance yourself from her and show her this isn't acceptable. And yes, the opposite sex often do weasel their way in talking about their love life problems. This guy has lots of friends I am sure to talk to, why did he have to contact your girl about them?
ktya Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 He may really just want a girl that understands him to talk to about the loss of his relationship. But. Infidelity is prevented by only fraternizing with the opposite sex in groups, not one-on-one. I was cheated on and tried forgiving my now ex fiancee and as part of that process read a book on vaccinating your relationship from it ever happening again. Take a look at two scenarios. Scenario A: She goes out with him and him alone, they talk about his relationship saga, she feels sorry for him and consoles him, maybe gives him a hug, she makes him feel better, he appreciates it, hugs her back. What potentially is forming is an emotional bond between the two of them. Scenario B: She wants to help him out, you go with her and him someplace, you both offer him advice and support, you both feel sorry for him, she gives him a hug, he hugs her back, he shakes your hand you both make him feel better, he appreciates it, he offers to pay the bill. What is forming is a relationship you both form with the guy. The key difference in these two scenarios (nothing happens in either of them) is that with you being there there is no ability for him and her to form an private emotional bond together. Think of it as the difference between doors and windows. By inviting you along to also help him out, you have a window into their relationship, what they are talking about, whats going on in his life. If they go out alone together what you have is a closed door. You have no idea what they talked about, what they did. Even if nothing happens and she is honest and frank with you you will never know. Now of course you tagging along might be a bit much for you and you may have little interest in helping this guy out. Next suggestion if that wont work is to ask her to please go with a friend (someone who is a friend of your relationship, a mutual friend is best) and not go alone. Not for safety (she might be insulted) but just because you are uncomfortable with her going out with him alone because he might take it the wrong way and treat it like a date. She would probably bring a girlfriend. If she brings a girlfriend and they both help him out, again there is no chance for them to form a private emotional bond because it is a triangle instead of a single line. If she insists on going without you and wont bring a girlfriend along, then you my friend have a real problem. My ex was obviously prone to cheating because she cheated on me not once but several times before we broke up. But when I did tag along after I had forgiven her I noticed something interesting. When I showed up and was introduced as the boyfriend the poor dude had no idea at all and usually had the look of a deer in headlights. I would chat with him and put him at ease but the guy obviously looked at it like a date. Little table for two on the patio, blabla. I dont blame the guy at all. I blame her for not approaching the meeting smarter. So just bear all that in mind.
Sebastian76 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I wouldn't accept this at all!!! An old romantic relationship with unfinished business is a complete disaster waiting to happen. Attraction doesn't just die down. I am still attracted to the same girls I was ten years ago. I can almost guarantee you that it will not end up innocent if they keep this going. The option is very clear: you or him - can't have both! No weaseling out calling it innocent etc., just say it doesn't make the slightest difference to you. She can't have you while hanging out one-on-one with old romances or hanging on the phone with him. You don't own her or have the right to tell her who to see, but you do have the right to define the terms you are willing to live under. If she can't accept those terms, say goodbye.
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I think you have good instincts to be concerned about them spending time together alone. However, I chaffed at your Qs: Will he seduce her? Will she fall for it? She is a living breathing human being with a mind & free will of her own, not some silly fluff that will do whatever the nearest cute guy wants. How do you know she's not the aggressor / pursuer in all of this? If she wants to be friends with him you can't stop her. However, given the fact that they use dot have a spark between them, she should be including you when they make plans. Something like hey I know you are down over your recent break up. Why don't you meet me & my BF at xyz bar so we can all hang out & cheer you up? That's above board. The scenario she's setting up is asking for trouble.
Recommended Posts