Is it more common today to have a relationship & then have sex or the other way round

[Pad]

I am doing research as a writer. I am inexperienced in relationships and sexuality and am thus naive about the dating scene. I want to be informed about the real world in order to make my story realistic. I had always thought before that most girls just had sex with their boyfriends. However, one friend of mine told me that nearly every girl has had a one-night stand and sex with someone other than her boyfriend.

Please give detailed answers about your observation and/or experiences in the real world (only if you are willing to). It need not be about you, but just observations.

[Philosoraptor]

I'm not sure that one or another has a great advantage. For as many promiscuous people out there you'll see many who are happy to wait.

 

Either way, in general, people just do what feels right for them.

[Mrin]

Suggestion - this is a pretty international and multicultural forum so you might want to gather the nation and culture as a frame of reference in your research.

 

I'm a male. Western US, standard American culture. I've never gone the establish a relationship and then have sex route. Starting to have sex is always a milestone on the path of a relationship. Sometimes that path is really short - eg one night stands. Sometimes it is long. But for me, sex always comes before "relationship" or is simultaneous. Then again, I am a divorcee so what people call a "relationship" is often different from what I see it as. It is fuzzy.

[iris219]

I'd say most people have had sex before being in a relationship at some point in their lives. I had sex with my fiancé before we defined the relationship.

 

I don't necessarily think it's true that most people have had ONS, though many have.

[iiiii]

Depends on your culture, your age, and where you are from.

 

You sound pretty inexperienced with dating. I am not trying to be mean, but perhaps you would be better off writing about things you have experienced first hand? It can be easier to write about things you know well, and the stories often end up more realistic and believable.

[Pad]

I am enquiring about the behavior in America.

[Kid_Charlemange]

There is a huge cultural difference. If your characters are in a big city on the coasts, then they will most likely have "hookups" or One Night Stands with strangers at some point. If they are dating, they will generally get into a sexual relationship after 2-6 dates. The younger your character are, the more likely they are to be sexual.

 

If, however, your characters are rural and/or southern, and very religious, there is a strong possibility they will wait for a long-term commitment before being sexual, perhaps even waiting for an engagement or marriage. This is becoming less and less common, but it's still there.

 

Americans run the gamut. Each person has a different story. I've never had a ONS, for instance, but most people I know have.

[jbelle6]

Well, if you want North America, I am Canadian. I need to be in a relationship first. I find I get too attached after sex so it would just be a mess for me if I didn't wait.

I do not find that I am the norm though. It's usually opposite with everyone that I know anyways.