junooni Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I am into a relationship since last 2 months and everything is going perfect. I am sure I can never get a girl like her, she have everything I need and the best thing is she never lie at all, she share EVERYTHING no matter what. As all is amzing between us and our parents also knows about our relationship, we will get officially engaged in next 3 months. Asking about past to my girl have all been dangerious for me because I am kind of a person who overthink a lot. She understands everything better than me and she never asked me about her past but I did, she told me she had 3 guys in the past, last were for 1.5 years and she did not had anything physical with them and with the first guy she had long relationship of 5 years. I asked her are you virgin and the begning she said yes I am, later she relaised that she should not lie to me and she told me she once had physical with that guy, but it was not my fault, he tried to do everything with me but it was not a complete sex, he inserted a bit and then she got rid of him....I asked her did you felt the pain? she said no, even it did not go in more than once and yes it's story of almost 3 years back. at if The moment she shared this to me was very painful for me even she took a rish of losing me but she did not want to hide anything from me that was her point. I did not talk to her properly for 2 days because I was so broken she cried a lot, I told her it will take sometime but trust me all will be fine. She said if you really love me you will forget it else you will keep on thinking. I do understand past is past and it should remain in past as we can't change it, I know at that time I was not existing in her life and he was her everything and I know whatever happened was not her mistake but yes sharing this to me was her mistake as it's not good for my health, this overthing made me fell depressed and sick, even when I was with her last time I looked at her an thought she did that with someone which made me down and she was keep on asking what happened but I could not tell her because I can\t hurt her. I just want to completely erase that from my mind because I know myself what if in case of being with her on our wedding night and her past visuals come to my mind? This one mistake is at other side but on the other side there are many many positive things in fact she is perfect: - she respects me - she never lie to me. - she share everything to me. - she try not to do anything which I don't like. - she is always there for me. - even we are not officially engaged yes but she still introduce me as her fiancee to friends. In fact she is best, the mistake she did is that she shared that thing with me, now what can I do...please help me
MidwestUSA Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Never ask a question if you don't really want to know the answer. I guess you've learned that now. I would suggest that she's done even more (inserted a bit, really?) than she's now saying, simply because she realizes what it's going to do to you. I'm not saying you should try to get at the whole truth, just realize you've put her in a position to lie. I'm not saying it's right. This is your problem, not hers. It is not 'her mistake'. You would have preferred she kept up the lie about virginity? Find a way to let it go (goggle retroactive jealousy) before you proceed any further with this relationship. Were you really planning on getting engaged five months in? Is this a cultural thing? 5
ThorntonMelon Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Just going to piggyback on Midwest's reply. She shouldn't have lied, but honestly, your response to her past was so positively immature and ridiculous that it almost excuses her dishonesty. My advice to you is to get counseling alone, immediately, say all of this out loud to a professional, and see if they can help you process your insecurity. If she'd had 30 partners, and you were the one she loved, her past would be irrelevant. If she was a virgin and you weren't the one she loved, her past would be irrelevant. No one likes to think of the person they love with someone else. But for the most part we can process it and put it in a rightful place. Until you can, you're not going to be the kind of man you obviously want to be. 3
Keenly Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Why are you trying to get engaged 5 months into a relationship? 2
Emilia Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 From the post I'm guessing the OP is asian or at least comes from a conservative culture where people marry as virgins 1
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 If you don't think you can move past her prior indiscretions, you are better off not getting engaged. You can't marry her & punish her for the rest of her life. That's not fair. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 If you don't think you can move past her prior indiscretions, you are better off not getting engaged. You can't marry her & punish her for the rest of her life. That's not fair. Wholeheartedly agree. Let her go if you are going to dwell on this. 2
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Being a good wife has nothing to do with what briefly touched her 'private parts' at some point in her life. When you're old and incapable of making it to the bathroom on your own and she's the one changing your diaper, when she will spoon feed you with a smile, when she will proudly call herself your wife after you've lost all of your hair, youth, wit, stamina and power, is it really going to matter what touched her 'private parts' for a brief moment 50 years ago? You want someone pure as per your culture and religion or you want a woman that will respect you, love you, be devoted to you and your children? The next one telling you she is a virgin may just be a better liar than this one here. 3
Charlie Harper Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Not wanting to be harsh, but IF CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH WHY ASK? In other news you need a time machine and go back to the middle ages.... this is the XXI century for God sakes!
todreaminblue Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I dont think its wrong you are getting engaged five months in....but i do feel its wrong if you get engaged with misgivings about her...sort it out as another psoter said retroactiver jealousy is going to be active until you deal with it.......deb
GoreSP Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I'm sorry but I have to ask… She said it wasn't her fault that the guy tried to do everything and inserted a bit…was she assaulted but the guy? It just doesn't sound like the guy had (or cared about for that matter) her consent...
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