Pocky Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by tattoomytoe i am not happy. i stay because it is what i know. and i tell myself since we do have good times i am happy, but i am really not. it is actually not good for my pschie either. if i am not happy i tend to do self destructive things, be it drugs, alcohal, food, harming myself..... anything to be passive agressive and inturn punish myself. How do you expect to know anything else when you restrict yourself? You were ready to leave this relationship months ago when you realized he was capable of having a connection with someone other than you. Why do you try to evade the inevitable? Wasting your time with someone that doesn't enrich your life only extends the time it takes for you to find happiness.
billybadass36 Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama NO WAY! I woulda helped clean your gun for that assasination YEAH WAY! I'm going to start lobbying for the rommate to take an early departure from "our" house. $@*(&@#~!!!! TMT - sounds like the sex is the only thing keeping you with this guy. Get a power tool if you don't already have one, cut out the middle man, and enjoy your new financial freedom after removing this albatross of a man from your neck.
HotCaliGirl Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 The older I get, the less romantic my relationships get...from flowers and gifts for every occassion and "just because" in my teens, to almost as much in my early 20s. I was taking those guys/things for granted, all of whom were young like me then, thinking that's how all guys were and not knowing any different. For my 30th b-day last month my boyfriend didn't even acknowledge it! Very miserable, but I guess since we put up with it, they can get away with it. Not sure what advice I could give you TMT... LIfe just goes downhill sometimes.
Author tattoomytoe Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky How do you expect to know anything else when you restrict yourself? You were ready to leave this relationship months ago when you realized he was capable of having a connection with someone other than you. Why do you try to evade the inevitable? Wasting your time with someone that doesn't enrich your life only extends the time it takes for you to find happiness. i know. sometimes i even think i stay b/c i am not happy. i have some issues when it comes to my own needs, could you tell? i usually feel i am not a persom worthy enough of good things, but it is a conflicting emotion. cause i get pissed when i do not get some in return.
Pocky Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by tattoomytoe i know. sometimes i even think i stay b/c i am not happy. i have some issues when it comes to my own needs, could you tell? i usually feel i am not a persom worthy enough of good things, but it is a conflicting emotion. cause i get pissed when i do not get some in return. If you don't treat yourself well, how can you expect others to treat you well? Life in general is very capable of establishing suffering in our lives in order to help us grow. We don't need to subject ourselves to this needlessly. Honestly, I don't think you truly feel you're not a person that's worthy of good things. I think you've just allowed yourself to compromise your expectations of life. Is it really easier to accept mediocrity than to actually fight for the extraordinary? You know the possibility of something unique in your relationships is attainable or you wouldn't be so bothered by relationships devoid of inspiration.
FolderWife Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 What a jerk He needs to have a good talking to from your dad.
mymojo Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 I am the sole breadwinner in my house.I told my SO not to get me anything because quite frankly,nothing screams desparate old hag quite like the act of giving a guy money to buy you a gift.I put up with it at Xmas and my b/day because there's no need of upsetting everyone in the house but for Valentine's day the thought that I am such a loser that I have to pay a guy to buy me a card more humilation than even I could bear. Trying to maintain the fiction that he bought me something seems like more work than facing reality as it is. The reality is that I do all the working and I pay all the bills period. The hard reality of that is easier than the fiction,pretend stuff, why can't he see that? I sat thru dozens of roses and balloons being delivered to other women at my office,listened to them talking excitedly about their plans and quietly went about my work praying for the day to end. I stopped at the liquor store and got myself some cognac and headed home.He'd picked me up a small bunch of flowers,chocolate and a greeting card. When I didn't act all thrilled he got rather upset,I wasn't nasty, I said the flowers were pretty but I wasn't jumping for joy, I'd asked him to not do this. Then he starts make sex moves which I tried to ignore, because frankly, 50% of the time he doesn't orgasm with me and on a few occasions has been so unaroused that he couldn't even get an erection, I'm so stressed out by all this that I dread sex now as it's one tense worry thruout "will he get an erection?" will he orgasm?" I wasn't up for that tension last night. Needless to say, we ended up having a very quiet Valentine's evening
FolderWife Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 oh, that's terrible. Your hubby sounds very...lousy
mymojo Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by Monday oh, that's terrible. Your hubby sounds very...lousy Monday, I don't think he's "lousy" and I do believe he loves me, he does many cool things to show that.He's not able to hold a job for reasons I won't go into here.That's really not a problem except for the fact that our society has set certain social conventions regarding men,women money etc.There are names for women of a certain age who support men,none of them nice names. We dance around the issue but speaking frankly about it is hard, I am fairly progressive minded and feel that money is just a tool and that we each do our best... but on some occasions it's just hard, seeing all those commericals for diamonds and expensive gifts "show her your love" It just feels like the good women,the hot desirable women are to be showered with gifts... well what does that say about women like me? I'm glad V day is over,it's not a kind day for us folks living in relationships that are different from the norm.
MJTig Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by mymojo It just feels like the good women,the hot desirable women are to be showered with gifts... well what does that say about women like me? It shows that your husband has made to feel as though you are not desirable. I am sorry mojo but every thread you mention it, you say he really loves you.. yes, maybe he does- platonically or even a little romantically. But he downgrades you all the time and blantantly tells you that you aren't good enough? That does not seem liek a full marriage to me, nor a man who is mature enough to love their wife. You should feel sexy and that you can turn him on with the lights on and without him thinking of other women... thats not your problem thats HIS. Sorry. I don't mean to belabor it... so I will shut up.
Author tattoomytoe Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 so Bf came over last night and saw all my cards from my family and the roses from my father. he was like who are the roses from? i said "did you send them? oh no, that was my father!" then he said something like "you did not get my card?" i was like "is it in the mail?" Haha! i think he felt like a heel. Yea!
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