harrybrown Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 OP- so if the roles were reversed, how would your H feel? Your counselor gave him some ways to try to handle the situation differently. Has he used any of these suggestions? What has he done to try to help you, other than attending MC? Does he know anything that he could do for you to show he cares for you? I hope he goes to IC to find someway to show you why you should still be in a relationship with you. I think this has hurt you deeply and shattered your self-esteem. Has your counselor given you any homework on how to repair some of that self-esteem? You need that shot of respect to you as a person. I would not count on that coming from your H. Hope you start on that progress soon and have better days ahead.
violet1 Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 But why does she have to wait for her husband to make a stand? She can leave. There is nothing holding her there. JUST DIVORCE. It's easy, right? I mean, she has just as much power to end the marriage as her husband does - moreso really considering she will probably come out better on the other side of divorce court. I never understand this waiting around for someone else to make a move and decide for you if you if the marriage will continue. If BSs drag their feet to file for divorce, why does anyone question WSs dragging their feet on filing to divorce? What's the difference? It sounds like OP doesn't want to be with this man, understandably as his mind and thoughts are obviously elsewhere. OP deserves to be loved for who and what she is wholeheartedly - and she can't expect her husband to do that for her at this point, he has proven he doesn't. So, now what? She just waits around for him to be done or for him to do something? What? Why? Look, I understand being hurt. I understand being betrayed. What I don't understand is staying and then claiming to be a victim. You have power. You have just as much power over yourself as anyone else does. You can't control other people, but you can sure as **** control yourself and use your power over yourself. If you choose not to, you have to stop blaming other people for "making" you miserable. They aren't. You are choosing it. If it's an abusive cycle, I get it, it's tough to break - but if you aren't going to give a WS any leeway for acting out because of abuse, then you can't give a BS any either. It makes them seem weak, it makes them seem pathetic - and they aren't! They are just as strong as anyone else - but they have to take responsibility for that and use it! I get what you're saying but you can't compare a BS dragging their feet with a WS dragging theirs. The BS is blindsided while the WS knows fully what he/she is doing. Cheating trumps ALL marital problems whether people want to accept it or not. I don't think the OP or any BS is weak. They have been victimized. Yes, I also hope the OP leaves her dirtbag husband. However, from my understanding of LJ's posts she has a medical condition, her self-esteem is shot and she's scared about divorcing. Can you honestly blame her for feeling this way? 3
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