Author spiderowl Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 i agree with all the above but why he left the dating website? it makes me think he is maybe seeing someone ( that is why he left the website ) and he is keeping you there in case things wont work with this other one. His reason was he didn't feel it was the right place for him.
Author spiderowl Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Ya. What the others said. OLD newbies - take note and never do this. I wouldn't spend much time analyzing the why's around him deactivating his dating profile. OP - if you want to try and recover, reach out to him and ask for a meet up. Otherwise, it isn't gonna happen given your earlier actions. I can see your point that to some guys it would be a rejection. But I did not say I wasn't interested in them, only that I would like to get to know them better first. I have chatted to other guys who were not put off in the slightest, even if I told them I wasn't interested in them! I feel there must be more to it, and I was puzzled why he would leave the site, though he did seem a bit of an exception on there. I don't want to be the one putting in all the work. I figure if a woman has to do that, the guy is not interested and there is no point.
Author spiderowl Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Could you imagine spending all that time talking to him, then when you finally meet him after 2weeks of talking and there is no chemistry, or it isn't the same, or he is not what he looks like in his pics? That would have been a huge waste of time. Now reverse that. That is probably what went through his mind. He probably doesn't want to waste his time waiting around. Chance of disappointment is high. I do understand, but we are fairly long distance from each other and so I feel we'd need to know a bit more about how we got on before going to the trouble of meeting. It all seemed a bit too quick for me. How can you decide you like a person when you hardly know them? It can only be a physical interest at that stage, which is what put me off.
Author spiderowl Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Not to sound schmaltzy or cheesy - but they say timing is everything in life. Most people pointed out the obvious - he probably.....,probably, felt rejected. I understand a woman's concern when it comes to meeting guys. If you grew up with a strict father, or mother, had a bad experience in the past or have had a bad boyfriend, you want to be cautious. There is no telling if this guy is nice, a complete tool, a psycho, etc. But, as someone pointed out if he is nice and so are you then you are both on the site for the same reason. I've been using a paid OLD site for 9 months now. To be honest, I find that a lot of women that I've been chatting with, moved to phone conversations, or have gone out on dates with seem to end up too far on end of the spectrum or the other - they either take things way, way to slow trying to fit the guy "perfectly" into their lives, worried either they will look crazy or be rejected if they're life isn't perfect or they take things way to fast - full-blown bodily contanct on the first date, or sending a guy their number after 3-4 days talking online. Yes, everyone is different and has a different style. But there is, contrary to what a person's mind may tell them, general norms. Going out for a drink or coffee doesn't mean you owe the guy anything, but contrary to popular opinion, if he's a decent guy he's invested as much time into getting to know you through a profile, email, and phone as you did with him and everyone else's comments are true - you don't know anything about chemistry until you meet in person. So, if you were interested in him, speed things up quickly and if he responds, great, otherwise let it go. Thanks, makes sense to me. I am concerned he met someone else which is why he took the profile down though. He does seem very busy with his work (and what else?).
Author spiderowl Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Sorry for dropping some humor into this thread but I clicked on the title thinking I was going to learn a new sexual technique! Lol, I realised once I'd posted it that it could be misread
TXGuy Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I don't understand why people think it was a rejection. It wasn't. Besides, if he was interested, surely he would try to keep in touch regularly? Me: would you like to go out for drinks? You: no, not yet. That is a rejection (no) with an instruction for me to try harder. I would put you near the bottom of my priority list until you decided you wanted to go out and meet in person. 1
Author spiderowl Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Thanks for your reply. He did ask if I'd like to meet in our first telephone conversation. It seemed too soon, we had barely exchanged words, so it seemed fair enough to me to say it's a bit early and I'd like to get to know him better first. What's wrong with that? I texted him today, in a friendly way. He replied in a friendly way. He's treating me like a friend I suppose. I'm not feeling that he's interested and so can't see the point in risking asking if he wants to meet. I suppose he may have felt the same about me. Other guys have not been put off so easily, I have to say. If he initiates one text a week, that is not going to lead anywhere because I am rapidly losing interest. We do not live near to each other so it would be an effort on both our sides to meet. If he can't be bothered contacting me more than once a week of his own volition, it seems doomed.
deathandtaxes Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Thanks for your reply. He did ask if I'd like to meet in our first telephone conversation. It seemed too soon, we had barely exchanged words, so it seemed fair enough to me to say it's a bit early and I'd like to get to know him better first. What's wrong with that? I texted him today, in a friendly way. He replied in a friendly way. He's treating me like a friend I suppose. I'm not feeling that he's interested and so can't see the point in risking asking if he wants to meet. I suppose he may have felt the same about me. Other guys have not been put off so easily, I have to say. If he initiates one text a week, that is not going to lead anywhere because I am rapidly losing interest. We do not live near to each other so it would be an effort on both our sides to meet. If he can't be bothered contacting me more than once a week of his own volition, it seems doomed. The whole point of a dating site is to meet up on a date. That's the only reason to exchange phone numbers. The bolded part is also a concern. What do you have to lose? If you have this attitude with online dating, you will never be happy. How do you know if he's not interested if you don't ask? 1
Author spiderowl Posted June 19, 2014 Author Posted June 19, 2014 The whole point of a dating site is to meet up on a date. That's the only reason to exchange phone numbers. The bolded part is also a concern. What do you have to lose? If you have this attitude with online dating, you will never be happy. How do you know if he's not interested if you don't ask? That's a good point. It seems a question of his words don't fit his actions. He says he's interested but hardly contacts me. That doesn't make sense. A guy came all the way from the US to visit me once. He was travelling to the UK anyway, admittedly, but he still travelled across the country to see me. I saw him as a friend and he knew that in advance, but it shows that some people make more effort than others.
Author spiderowl Posted June 19, 2014 Author Posted June 19, 2014 The whole point of a dating site is to meet up on a date. That's the only reason to exchange phone numbers. The bolded part is also a concern. What do you have to lose? If you have this attitude with online dating, you will never be happy. How do you know if he's not interested if you don't ask? Thanks for your thoughts on this. I can see your point about the whole point of a dating site, etc. The thing is, I have met guys that I have hardly spoken to and after chatting very briefly online. I learned it was a mistake. I did not know enough about their basic character and meeting them showed the error of my ways. This is why I'm more careful now. Taking more time doesn't mean I'm not interested, it means I'm finding out more about him first.
Author spiderowl Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 God, I'm so tempted to text this guy! But I initiated the last few texts and although he responded in friendly manner, he is not initiating many. He also didn't reply to my email. He gave me the email address and I sent a brief one to that address so he would have mine, but he didn't acknowledge it. I know there's no point if he's not making an effort, but it's hard giving up.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 Any words of wisdom? Would be much appreciated.
mrs rubble Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 My initial 'feeling' when I read your original post was that this guy is married or committed. I may be wrong, but with him being slow to respond to texts and email's and feeling the dating site wasn't the place for him, I wonder if that's because his wife/partner has found his profile? Have you tried calling him? I'd give that a go at a random out of hours time, see if he answer's or is "too busy" to answer.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 (edited) Thanks, that's an interesting point. I didn't get that feeling but more a sense that he was busy with work and a hobby and maybe didn't have a great need for much more, especially if it required effort. Edited June 22, 2014 by spiderowl
deathandtaxes Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Any words of wisdom? Would be much appreciated. See my first response to your post. He's just not interested. He was rejected. End of story. Let go.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 See my first response to your post. He's just not interested. He was rejected. End of story. Let go. Yes, thanks very wise. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I've texted him to say I don't think he's that interested and to wish him luck in his search. I felt the need to confirm it somehow. It's disappointing as I did find him attractive but he seemed a bit half-hearted.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 Go meet him. It's just a coffee not a marriage. You don't need to know anything about him, you like his profile, you like his picture, just go meet him. That time you waste trying to get to know him online is wasted! He lost interest, simple. I would have lost interest too. Online is to make contact, not to create a connection with someone. Send him a text and tell him your availability to meet over a coffee, you will get his attention. I think part of the problem is that people have different understandings about what online meeting is. Some thing it's a way of contacting a person and getting to know them a bit then meeting. Others think of it as a way to exchange phone numbers only. I think it comes down to personality not whether there is interest or desire to meet. Bit sad really.
MidwestUSA Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Yes, thanks very wise. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I've texted him to say I don't think he's that interested and to wish him luck in his search. I felt the need to confirm it somehow. It's disappointing as I did find him attractive but he seemed a bit half-hearted. It's a shame you did that, because I think he WAS interested. Like twelve people told you at the start of this thread, he took your need to move more slowly as a rejection. The fact that you're disappointed tells me you should have just reached out one last time. That's the problem with this online stuff, there's too much wishy washy stuff that leads to misunderstandings!
Shaun-Dro Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I'm having a hard job making sense of this guy. He contacted me on a dating site and sounded nice and polite. He's a professional guy with a demanding job. We exchanged a few messages and he asked if he could phone me. I liked talking to him. He asked at that time when we could meet. Because it seemed a bit early to me and I hardly knew him, I said I preferred to get to know him better before meeting. He seemed to accept that OK. Then it got confusing. He decided to leave the dating site but wanted me to have his number and email. He said we would 'certainly' be in touch and he would like to continue chatting by email and phone. I didn't press him for any of this, it was his idea. Since then, he barely texts me. I sent him the odd, friendly text, and always got a lovely reply, so he seemed pleased to hear from me. But the gaps in between were longer than guys would normally leave. All in all, I can't figure out if he's interested or not. He's always really sweet if I get in contact and after a few days, he texts me, and seems delighted when I reply. But he's been vague and I don't know what to make of it. I decided at one point he must not be interested and just left it. It was about 4 days before he texted me and then I got a surprise message. I honestly had given up on him! I'm inclined to think he's not that bothered or interested. What do you think? My advice to you is simple: learn to communicate to him the exact things you're communicating to us and only then will you know where you stand.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 It's a shame you did that, because I think he WAS interested. Like twelve people told you at the start of this thread, he took your need to move more slowly as a rejection. The fact that you're disappointed tells me you should have just reached out one last time. That's the problem with this online stuff, there's too much wishy washy stuff that leads to misunderstandings! Thjanks for saying this. I would like to think he was interested but actions speak louder than words and he didn't keep up contact unless I initiated it. Most guys would know that that won't work with a woman.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 My advice to you is simple: learn to communicate to him the exact things you're communicating to us and only then will you know where you stand. I think you're right. I am so wary of guys online after being hurt that I feel I need to know them better before meeting. It must be offputting for the genuine ones. I still think if he was interested, he'd have tried to keep in touch better.
deathandtaxes Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I think you're right. I am so wary of guys online after being hurt that I feel I need to know them better before meeting. It must be offputting for the genuine ones. I still think if he was interested, he'd have tried to keep in touch better. Don't be so quick to give out your phone number in the future, then, if you want to get to know somebody better. This will save you a LOT of headache.
Author spiderowl Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 Hmm, I wasn't quick to give out my phone number, just wanted to get to know the guy a bit before arranging to meet. It sounds like you think I've done something wrong all the time.
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