spiderowl Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I'm having a hard job making sense of this guy. He contacted me on a dating site and sounded nice and polite. He's a professional guy with a demanding job. We exchanged a few messages and he asked if he could phone me. I liked talking to him. He asked at that time when we could meet. Because it seemed a bit early to me and I hardly knew him, I said I preferred to get to know him better before meeting. He seemed to accept that OK. Then it got confusing. He decided to leave the dating site but wanted me to have his number and email. He said we would 'certainly' be in touch and he would like to continue chatting by email and phone. I didn't press him for any of this, it was his idea. Since then, he barely texts me. I sent him the odd, friendly text, and always got a lovely reply, so he seemed pleased to hear from me. But the gaps in between were longer than guys would normally leave. All in all, I can't figure out if he's interested or not. He's always really sweet if I get in contact and after a few days, he texts me, and seems delighted when I reply. But he's been vague and I don't know what to make of it. I decided at one point he must not be interested and just left it. It was about 4 days before he texted me and then I got a surprise message. I honestly had given up on him! I'm inclined to think he's not that bothered or interested. What do you think?
deathandtaxes Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 He wanted to meet up. You rejected the meet up. That's it. A lot of guys don't want to endlessly communicate via text, email, etc before meeting up. You rejected him. So naturally he is going to lose interest. Everything after is just fluffy bs. 7
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I'm having a hard job making sense of this guy. He contacted me on a dating site and sounded nice and polite. He's a professional guy with a demanding job. We exchanged a few messages and he asked if he could phone me. I liked talking to him. He asked at that time when we could meet. Because it seemed a bit early to me and I hardly knew him, I said I preferred to get to know him better before meeting. He seemed to accept that OK. Then it got confusing. He decided to leave the dating site but wanted me to have his number and email. He said we would 'certainly' be in touch and he would like to continue chatting by email and phone. I didn't press him for any of this, it was his idea. Since then, he barely texts me. I sent him the odd, friendly text, and always got a lovely reply, so he seemed pleased to hear from me. But the gaps in between were longer than guys would normally leave. All in all, I can't figure out if he's interested or not. He's always really sweet if I get in contact and after a few days, he texts me, and seems delighted when I reply. But he's been vague and I don't know what to make of it. I decided at one point he must not be interested and just left it. It was about 4 days before he texted me and then I got a surprise message. I honestly had given up on him! I'm inclined to think he's not that bothered or interested. What do you think? Go meet him. It's just a coffee not a marriage. You don't need to know anything about him, you like his profile, you like his picture, just go meet him. That time you waste trying to get to know him online is wasted! He lost interest, simple. I would have lost interest too. Online is to make contact, not to create a connection with someone. Send him a text and tell him your availability to meet over a coffee, you will get his attention. 4
PegNosePete Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 What d&t said. You rejected him, so it's natural for him to lose interest. There are many women online who will just make excuse after excuse to not meet up - for whatever reason. Best advice for guys who encounter this is to just move on, and seems that's just what he's done. The rest seems like weird behaviour but hey... some people juggle geese. You don't know this guy so it's pretty pointless to try to analyze his actions. If you still want to meet him then give him a call and ask to meet (remember you rejected him, so ball is in your court). 1
TXGuy Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 You either rejected him or rejected his 'pace.' He liked you enough to exchange contact info before he got off the dating site (for whatever reason). Sounds like he is willing to continue contact. But it is now your responsibility to set the pace since you rejected his. I lose interest after a rejection. You might be able to bring this back to life, but you will have to do the heavy lifting, not him.
CarrieT Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 What the others said. These guys on dating sites are working the conversations with LOTS of women at any given time and when one wants to delay a meeting, they move on. Even as a woman, when *I* was doing the online dating, I usually wanted to meet sooner rather than later. You can only get to know someone so well via words and texts and the in-person connection is far more important. 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 He wanted to meet up. You rejected the meet up. That's it. A lot of guys don't want to endlessly communicate via text, email, etc before meeting up. You rejected him. So naturally he is going to lose interest. Everything after is just fluffy bs. ^^^THIS, exactly. Plus, they advanced to talking on the phone, ZOMG! I honestly don't know how people think they are going to 'get to know someone better' without actually meeting. You could meet, and there's something there that's an instant turn off. There's a bunch of time wasted that you can't get back. Life is short, and all that texting and emailing sets up an image of the person on the other end that may or may not meet your expectations in person. 1
Fondue Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 He wanted to meet up. You rejected the meet up. That's it. A lot of guys don't want to endlessly communicate via text, email, etc before meeting up. You rejected him. So naturally he is going to lose interest. Everything after is just fluffy bs. Exactly this. You rejected the guy. What is he supposed to do?
martaldn Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 i agree with all the above but why he left the dating website? it makes me think he is maybe seeing someone ( that is why he left the website ) and he is keeping you there in case things wont work with this other one. 1
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 i agree with all the above but why he left the dating website? it makes me think he is maybe seeing someone ( that is why he left the website ) and he is keeping you there in case things wont work with this other one. Him leaving the dating website means nothing. When I online date I keep my profile up 2-3 days no more. I go on, make a couple of contacts then delete my profile. Sometimes I just make 1 contact, I offer my email and I delete my profile. I cannot stand being on there more than a few days.
martaldn Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Him leaving the dating website means nothing. When I online date I keep my profile up 2-3 days no more. I go on, make a couple of contacts then delete my profile. Sometimes I just make 1 contact, I offer my email and I delete my profile. I cannot stand being on there more than a few days. so what? cause you do that everybody would do the same? i tend to believe that if someone decide to leave the dating website is because they met someone who want to date . its not the rule but it defo would make more sense than be on for 2 days and off for 3 days and then back on again.... 1
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 so what? cause you do that everybody would do the same? i tend to believe that if someone decide to leave the dating website is because they met someone who want to date . its not the rule but it defo would make more sense than be on for 2 days and off for 3 days and then back on again.... eeehhh no but I think assuming he is seeing someone else is...one dimensional thinking. People leave online dating because: 1. They got bored it's always the same crowd 2. They can't stand the sh.1t on there more than a little bit at a time 3. Their paying subscription has expired. 4. They go off a few weeks and wait for the crowd to renew itself 5. They got a stalker 6. They have a profile on more than one site and don't care much for that one and the list goes on... 2
martaldn Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 eeehhh no but I think assuming he is seeing someone else is...one dimensional thinking. People leave online dating because: 1. They got bored it's always the same crowd 2. They can't stand the sh.1t on there more than a little bit at a time 3. Their paying subscription has expired. 4. They go off a few weeks and wait for the crowd to renew itself 5. They got a stalker 6. They have a profile on more than one site and don't care much for that one and the list goes on... 7. they met someone and start dating. 2
Elle1975 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I'm having a hard job making sense of this guy. He contacted me on a dating site and sounded nice and polite. He's a professional guy with a demanding job. We exchanged a few messages and he asked if he could phone me. I liked talking to him. He asked at that time when we could meet. Because it seemed a bit early to me and I hardly knew him, I said I preferred to get to know him better before meeting. He seemed to accept that OK. Then it got confusing. He decided to leave the dating site but wanted me to have his number and email. He said we would 'certainly' be in touch and he would like to continue chatting by email and phone. I didn't press him for any of this, it was his idea. Since then, he barely texts me. I sent him the odd, friendly text, and always got a lovely reply, so he seemed pleased to hear from me. But the gaps in between were longer than guys would normally leave. All in all, I can't figure out if he's interested or not. He's always really sweet if I get in contact and after a few days, he texts me, and seems delighted when I reply. But he's been vague and I don't know what to make of it. I decided at one point he must not be interested and just left it. It was about 4 days before he texted me and then I got a surprise message. I honestly had given up on him! I'm inclined to think he's not that bothered or interested. What do you think? Why not meet him in person, in a public place? I get that talking to someone helps you figure out if you are interested, or not, but till you meet the guy in person, I don't see how you will know for sure. If he's an adult, he probably doesn't want to spend forever talking to someone via text messages. Might be that he has someone else he's interested in too. Who knows? That's why I'd meet him in person, and take it from there. 1
Mrin Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Ya. What the others said. OLD newbies - take note and never do this. I wouldn't spend much time analyzing the why's around him deactivating his dating profile. OP - if you want to try and recover, reach out to him and ask for a meet up. Otherwise, it isn't gonna happen given your earlier actions.
Fondue Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Could you imagine spending all that time talking to him, then when you finally meet him after 2weeks of talking and there is no chemistry, or it isn't the same, or he is not what he looks like in his pics? That would have been a huge waste of time. Now reverse that. That is probably what went through his mind. He probably doesn't want to waste his time waiting around. Chance of disappointment is high. 1
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 7. they met someone and start dating. 7. They started seeing someone and don't want to be seen online . ok lol granted 1
jbelle6 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I have to admit, my first thought was what Marta said, he met someone, maybe she insisted he take it down. I'll chime in with the rest. Not sure how OLD works, but why would you need to message and message if you aren't long distance? Sure, you don't know him, that's why you meet him in a public place to see if there is chemistry/mutual attraction in person. You might not know a guy who asks you out in person either. Not sure how messaging would help get to know him at all, I also could not judge someone through text and a few little pictures. 1
scooby-philly Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Not to sound schmaltzy or cheesy - but they say timing is everything in life. Most people pointed out the obvious - he probably.....,probably, felt rejected. I understand a woman's concern when it comes to meeting guys. If you grew up with a strict father, or mother, had a bad experience in the past or have had a bad boyfriend, you want to be cautious. There is no telling if this guy is nice, a complete tool, a psycho, etc. But, as someone pointed out if he is nice and so are you then you are both on the site for the same reason. I've been using a paid OLD site for 9 months now. To be honest, I find that a lot of women that I've been chatting with, moved to phone conversations, or have gone out on dates with seem to end up too far on end of the spectrum or the other - they either take things way, way to slow trying to fit the guy "perfectly" into their lives, worried either they will look crazy or be rejected if they're life isn't perfect or they take things way to fast - full-blown bodily contanct on the first date, or sending a guy their number after 3-4 days talking online. Yes, everyone is different and has a different style. But there is, contrary to what a person's mind may tell them, general norms. Going out for a drink or coffee doesn't mean you owe the guy anything, but contrary to popular opinion, if he's a decent guy he's invested as much time into getting to know you through a profile, email, and phone as you did with him and everyone else's comments are true - you don't know anything about chemistry until you meet in person. So, if you were interested in him, speed things up quickly and if he responds, great, otherwise let it go.
ktya Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Having a hard job ... Sorry for dropping some humor into this thread but I clicked on the title thinking I was going to learn a new sexual technique! 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Sorry for dropping some humor into this thread but I clicked on the title thinking I was going to learn a new sexual technique! I initially misread it as 'hand'! 1
Author spiderowl Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 He wanted to meet up. You rejected the meet up. That's it. A lot of guys don't want to endlessly communicate via text, email, etc before meeting up. You rejected him. So naturally he is going to lose interest. Everything after is just fluffy bs. I didn't say I would never meet him, just that I wanted to get to know him a bit better first. I can't see how this can be interpreted as a total rejection.
Author spiderowl Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Go meet him. It's just a coffee not a marriage. You don't need to know anything about him, you like his profile, you like his picture, just go meet him. That time you waste trying to get to know him online is wasted! He lost interest, simple. I would have lost interest too. Online is to make contact, not to create a connection with someone. Send him a text and tell him your availability to meet over a coffee, you will get his attention. I would be interested in meeting him but he hasn't mentioned it since. If he'd kept in touch regularly and seemed keen, then I would have arranged to meet with him, but I don't feel he's that interested. Surely if you want to get to know someone you don't expect them to meet after one conversation and then lose interest after that? Would you do that if you really liked someone?
Author spiderowl Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 You either rejected him or rejected his 'pace.' He liked you enough to exchange contact info before he got off the dating site (for whatever reason). Sounds like he is willing to continue contact. But it is now your responsibility to set the pace since you rejected his. I lose interest after a rejection. You might be able to bring this back to life, but you will have to do the heavy lifting, not him. I don't understand why people think it was a rejection. It wasn't. Besides, if he was interested, surely he would try to keep in touch regularly?
MidwestUSA Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I would be interested in meeting him but he hasn't mentioned it since. If he'd kept in touch regularly and seemed keen, then I would have arranged to meet with him, but I don't feel he's that interested. Surely if you want to get to know someone you don't expect them to meet after one conversation and then lose interest after that? Would you do that if you really liked someone? You said you'd exchanged 'a few messages' and moved on to talking on the phone. He's just moving with his usual progression, which is to meet before wasting too much time just chatting. If you're not comfortable with that, then you're not. Just an early difference in preferences. It sounds like he was really keen to meet you.
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