avoforastig Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I had a short but passionate relationship end at the beginning of the year due to some anger issues of the girl. Since then, I've been out on dates with at least 20 women, most of which I met via OLD. I find myself on high alert for any red flags since then, and never went on more than three dates with any of the 20. Currently, I've been on four dates over the past few weeks with a woman. She is really kind and kind of awkward. I really enjoyed hanging out with her on two of the dates but the other two were so-so. I can tell she likes me a lot and I don't want to hurt her feelings but I'm just unsure of her still. Is this normal? Is it wrong to continue to to date her while trying to hold my judgment until I know her better?
spiderowl Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 How do you feel about the prospect of not seeing her again?
hopefullove Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 i keep seeing OLD. what is OLD? oh on line dating lol. I usually give it 3 dates to know if i want to see the person again. What would make you not want to see her again?
Elle1975 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Well, you might be looking for the "passionate" relationship. Not sure if that's what I'd want right off the bat. I have learned that passion, the good kind, comes later on. Are you over the ex? 1
Author avoforastig Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 Well, you might be looking for the "passionate" relationship. Not sure if that's what I'd want right off the bat. I have learned that passion, the good kind, comes later on. Are you over the ex? Definitely over the ex. I have had only two relationships of any length. They both started very passionately. They were both similar in that we started seeing each other nearly every day after only a few weeks. I guess that's what I became accustomed to, is that atypical? How long does that take?
Elle1975 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) Definitely over the ex. I have had only two relationships of any length. They both started very passionately. They were both similar in that we started seeing each other nearly every day after only a few weeks. I guess that's what I became accustomed to, is that atypical? How long does that take? I am not sure I'd be ready to see someone everyday after just a few weeks. Phone calls, sure. Seeing him everyday would be a bit much. It doesn't mean that I don't feel strongly about someone. I have learned it's best to take the time to enjoy the ''honeymoon'' phase. I must say I like what follows much better. The complicity, the degree of intimacy is higher, etc.. If it starts too strong, it might be an indication that it won't be forever. The fire burned too hot too fast, if I may say. Not saying that it can't happen, but I think a relationship has to grow strong and steady, and build up to that ''seeing each other everyday'' deal. Edited June 17, 2014 by Elle1975
Author avoforastig Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 I am not sure I'd be ready to see someone everyday after just a few weeks. Phone calls, sure. Seeing him everyday would be a bit much. It doesn't mean that I don't feel strongly about someone. I have learned it's best to take the time to enjoy the ''honeymoon'' phase. I must say I like what follows much better. The complicity, the degree of intimacy is higher, etc.. If it starts too strong, it might be an indication that it won't be forever. The fire burned too hot too fast, if I may say. Not saying that it can't happen, but I think a relationship has to grow strong and steady, and build up to that ''seeing each other everyday'' deal. The thing that seems to trouble me is we seem highly compatible on paper. However, the girl is really awkward and geeky. She also acts kind of shy or nervous around me. I'm not really sure if she is just an anxious person in general or it's just the dating thing. I feel a little bad about after our fourth date I brought her back to my place and we messed around a bit. I don't wish to lead her on but honestly the jury is still out in my head about her. Is it normal to have some doubts or concerns very early on?
hopefullove Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 yes. yes i think so. unless i'm 100% into the guy i just NEXT it. Unless it was during my early 20s and i was bored. I dont know what your problem is, is it only cus she's nerdy and geeky and you're not attracted to that? Or you'r not attracted to her? I dont know what your concerns are. I was once chatting with an astrophysicist from NASA lol, he was really awesome on paper and really there for me in my time of need and we finally met up for drinks and it was soooooooo awkward that i cringed when he hugged me and the thought of him touching me ever again made me cringe. I couldn't do it. That kind of awkward? There was just no attraction for me there.
Fondue Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 The shy-geeky girls take a while to open up. But trust me, it is worth it. You have to really be in it for the long haul for it to kind of work. The current girlfriend is just like that. The first 1.5months was difficult to date her because it felt like I had to do all the conversations, plan all the dates, be the entertainer, etc. She is the same way with her friends and especially new people she meets. Quiet and shy. But I had a feeling that it was just who she was-- very shy. I thought she'd eventually crack open. And she did. She's an incredibly funny woman, very smart, and just a great time. Totally worth all the time I put into her. Best part? She's a nerd. A really pretty one at that. She does her anime, reads her comic books, plays her games. We play games together. It's great. I don't have to limit my nerdy side around her.
deathandtaxes Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Is it wrong to continue to to date her while trying to hold my judgment until I know her better? How the heck are you going to get to know her better unless you keep seeing her? Some people just take a while to really open up. Thus the awkwardness. What would it hurt to go out again?
Author avoforastig Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 yes. yes i think so. unless i'm 100% into the guy i just NEXT it. Unless it was during my early 20s and i was bored. I dont know what your problem is, is it only cus she's nerdy and geeky and you're not attracted to that? Or you'r not attracted to her? I dont know what your concerns are. I was once chatting with an astrophysicist from NASA lol, he was really awesome on paper and really there for me in my time of need and we finally met up for drinks and it was soooooooo awkward that i cringed when he hugged me and the thought of him touching me ever again made me cringe. I couldn't do it. That kind of awkward? There was just no attraction for me there. I'm a bit of a nerd myself, as are most of my good friends. She is actually quite attractive but obviously doesn't put much energy into her appearance. She definitely seems to lack any "girly" traits which is a bit odd. She certainly doesn't make me cringe, she's actually a great kisser. I have an anything goes sense of humor, but I find myself holding back my sense of humor a bit since she acts pretty straight laced. While I am a bit of a nerd, I'm also a pretty big party animal. Maybe I just need to focus on acting myself instead of falling into the trap of acting like the person I think she wants me to be.
hopefullove Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 oh. well you're attracted to her. then I don't know what your deal is. except maybe you just said it that you're too concerned about not being yourself with her. I know many many straight laced people on the surface...who are closet freaks lol. Some of these are my nearest and dearest friends and sometimes guys I date... and sometimes guys they date! Anyway! The point is, is that you know nothing about the person you're dating, and the only way you will get to know them is through time. and Time alone. Then they will slowly reveal themselves to you. Right now, i mean, my criteria for seeing someone in the beginning is if I want to. My time is precious, and dating is draining... so if it's enjoyable, and you're enjoying spending time with the person, then keep doing it. If you find it lacking, and would rather be somewhere else, then don't see them again. If this is your drama. I dont know, have a good talk to yourself.
Author avoforastig Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 I personally wouldn't want to be with a man who wasn't crazy about me after the first date...let alone four. Sure we get to know each other but the feelings should be intensifying...not flat lined. Anyways, good that you are reflecting on your position and considerate of her feelings. If I'm honest with myself, this might be wishful thinking. When an attractive woman shows interest, it's hard to turn down. Unfortunately, things got somewhat physical during the fourth date. We didn't have sex but there was some hand stimulation to put it nicely. I had had a few drinks and was really horny. Not that it's a good excuse, but I haven't had sex since the beginning of the year and it's hard to turn down an attractive woman. I try to avoid this situation, hence the drought. I'm not sure where to go from here as I still seem to have a desire to see other women. I feel really guilty.
Fondue Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I personally wouldn't want to be with a man who wasn't crazy about me after the first date...let alone four. Sure we get to know each other but the feelings should be intensifying...not flat lined. Anyways, good that you are reflecting on your position and considerate of her feelings. I know this is unrelated to the topic at hand, but I have to ask. WOuld you expect a man to be with you if you weren't crazy about HIM after the first date?
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