Peacekeeper Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 It's about the same guy whom I am trying to cut out of my life. Well he has been going through a custody battle and everything. He has been through the wringer with his ex and his baby. I know for a fact that he is a hands on father and loves his baby to death, that is the only thing I can say that is good about him. I understand his ex's point too! I understand that she has resentment towards him for the things he did to her, but he does love his child though. Now here is the dilemma. My friend posted on her Facebook about him she said "Hey everyone! My friend needs help, we need people to write as many letters as possible to the judge about how great of a father he is. His custody is up in the air now, and his child needs to be in his life. If you can please write a letter and send it to the court/judge that would be great. He loves his babygirl and his babygirl needs him in her life." See, now I am feeling bad. I know I need to cut him out of my life, but I know that his daughter is the only thing he has, and he adores her. His child is innocent and it would be heartbraking for the child as well. So what I am asking is, should I let this go? Or should I contribute by writing a letter? What should I do, cause I don't know if I should write a letter so he has a chance of getting custody of his daughter? Or if I should not? Need opinions and your thoughts on this! Thank you so much!
ExpatInItaly Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 (edited) Write the letter if you wish. You don't need to let him know you did. If you well and truly feel he is a good father, go ahead and do it. If you have any doubt in your mind about the well-being of his child in his care, don't do it. This guy certainly has you wrung out too; you've posted quite a lot about him in the last few days. Keep your distance. Edited June 16, 2014 by ExpatInItaly 1
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I'd write the letter & send it to the judge or to his lawyer. There's a woman I know who is friends with mutual friends. I hate her & have for decades. A few years ago her son lost a leg in Afghanistan when his platoon was blown up by an IED. I work with a charity that helps wounded service personnel. I arranged for her to fly to be with him & got the family some much needed aid. Everyone was shocked that I did this because I hate the mom so much. I explained that my hatred of her has nothing to do with her son's needs & if I could help him I would. It wasn't his fault she was his mom. She sent me a thank you e-mail & said does this mean we're friends now. I texted back a 1 word response: No. It is possible to seperate the 2 activities. Wanting him to keep his daughter is not the same as reconcilling. 1
Sebastian76 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Imo a kid needs to be in close contact with its mom AND dad. If you can take yourself out the equation here and genuinely believe that he'll be a descent dad for the kid then yes - not for his sake but for the daughter's sake... just my $0.05 1
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) Thank you all for the replies! But I decided not to write a letter. Just because I don't know the full story, and I am not saying that like he's a bad father, but he does have mental outburts at times, and maybe something happened? I am not sure, I am just assuming, but I understand her point of view and his. She has been through the wringer with him and he has been through the wringer with her. It's hard to decide, cause I am not sure of the full situation. I am the type of person that likes to hear both sides of the story. All I heard was his side when he was in my life, but maybe something happened to her child that warranted this? So I just don't want to get involved just because I don't know if I would be helping the or not. I know he loves and adores his baby, and that is noticeable. I never met the child and seen him interact but I saw pics and vids he showed me or I saw on facebook. It is clear he loves his child even through just what I saw, but now I am back tracking cause he might of done something, he is also known for having these emotional/physical outburts and he could have taken it out on his child for all I know. I don't know what happened and the full situation. Alot of my friends said they don't know either but they said for me to not get involved, cause they said it had to have been something he did, cause he did have custody of his child before. So maybe they're right. Either way if nothing happened and his ex is just being a bitch, well, I don't think my letter will matter anyways cause he seems to have a ton of support and alot of people are willing to write letters, So I think he will have a ton of letters anyways. Thanks everyone for taking the time out though, you all have really good points! Edited June 17, 2014 by Peacekeeper
todreaminblue Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) It's about the same guy whom I am trying to cut out of my life. Well he has been going through a custody battle and everything. He has been through the wringer with his ex and his baby. I know for a fact that he is a hands on father and loves his baby to death, that is the only thing I can say that is good about him. I understand his ex's point too! I understand that she has resentment towards him for the things he did to her, but he does love his child though. Now here is the dilemma. My friend posted on her Facebook about him she said "Hey everyone! My friend needs help, we need people to write as many letters as possible to the judge about how great of a father he is. His custody is up in the air now, and his child needs to be in his life. If you can please write a letter and send it to the court/judge that would be great. He loves his babygirl and his babygirl needs him in her life." See, now I am feeling bad. I know I need to cut him out of my life, but I know that his daughter is the only thing he has, and he adores her. His child is innocent and it would be heartbreaking for the child as well. So what I am asking is, should I let this go? Or should I contribute by writing a letter? What should I do, cause I don't know if I should write a letter so he has a chance of getting custody of his daughter? Or if I should not? Need opinions and your thoughts on this! Thank you so much! Write the letter with what you know is truth without personal bias on your feelings on the guy.....it is actually a really strong position to stand from on writing a letter of support.....put in a disclosure that you wish the judge not to say or mention your letter as you no longer want contact with this man he is not part of your life anymore.....but what you state is truth about his parenting capabilities and what you know about those are he is an exemplary parent and hsi daugher has the very best of care with him..........and because you dont have a vested interest in the guy, your letter is going to stand out above other letters of support...so make that advantage worth it.....word it well and passionately do not tell anyone you are writing it...deb Edited June 17, 2014 by todreaminblue
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